Reykjavík Grapevine - 23.07.2004, Blaðsíða 29

A SPECIAL BULLET FOR A SPECIAL STAG
by Beerman
The bachelor party was in full swing when I arrived. The groom-
to-be was lying sleeping on the bed, having had his trousers removed
by a humorist after passing out, and was sleeping on top of an
equally clad compatriot. A very drunk man was standing, and hav-
ing trouble doing so, by the grill, burning the remains of a chicken.
Outside, a couple of the guests were going through the motions of the
beginning stages of a fight without seemingly knowing why.
through the unrecognisable remains
of the burnt chicken.
At this point, the groom-to-be
emerged, still wearing nothing but
his underwear, and attempted to
walk home. The three men dropped
the burned chicken and ran after
him. They felt he was looking a
bit tired, so to raise his spirits they
decided to give him some vodka.
This put him back to sleep, and the
mood of the party seemed to drop
noticeably.
The groom taken care of, the
chicken was picked up from the
ground and the chewing was com-
menced with. I went into the living
room and had a beer. The floor was
littered with empty beer cans and
remains of food. One look in there,
and even I wanted to get married. As
it soon appeared the groom-to-be
would not be waking up again in the
foreseeable future, the guests scat-
tered into small groups and headed
downtown. Someone called a taxi
and then, just as it arrived, decided
to drive downtown anyway. The
car sped away, and I wondered if I
would ever see them again. I con-
sidered calling the cops since their
lives, along with anyone who might
cross their path, might be in mortal
danger. But I decided not to, as they
probably wouldn´t be grateful for my
concern. Not even the day after.
Everyone´s getting married this
summer. Everyone I know´s been
putting it off for as long as pos-
sible, not wanting to get tied down.
Two kids and a mortgage later, they
decide to let go of the illusion of
freedom and get on with it. I haven´t
been to a wedding since my parents
got married. I was five at the time,
still a single child but that was about
to change. Now I find myself drink-
ing with a younger crowd as my old
friends drop out of the scene, waiting
until they get divorced and drop back
into circulation.
Getting married is an expensive
business for all concerned. There´s
the stag party, where you not only
have to shell out to get yourself
drunk but the stag as well. Then
there´s the wedding itself. Expensive
gifts must be bought but this time, at
least, the booze is on the groom.
Still, sometimes you wonder
whether getting married might make
sense from a financial perspective.
Sure, you need to shell out for the
party but after that you can get laid
for free whenever you want. No more
taxis, no more 600 krónur beer. No
more late night bars or early morning
visits to the clinic. No more two-day
hangovers. Hangovers get worse with
age, I´m finding out. At the point
when they become intolerable is the
point when you start to think about
marriage. But me, I can still take it.
For now.
...Next: The ceremony
This seemed to wake up the man
at the grill who jumped up, spun
round and wrestled both men to the
ground. There he held them until
both had agreed to take it easy. All
three stood up, the two fighters
looked apologetically at each other
and they moved on to chew their way
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