The White Falcon - 19.11.1971, Blaðsíða 8
Tom Foolery
by J()2 Tom Wieiks
There it was on the back cover of
Incredible Comics, spelled out in big
red letters. "I'LL MAKE YOU A DYNAMO
OF SUPER-CHARGED MUSCLEPOWER IN LESS
THAN 30 DAYS!" My friend Ernie held
the magazine while we read the ad.
There was a picture of a man with
tree-trunk legs flexing an arm like a side of
beef. He wore only a leopard-skin swim suit, and
I guess he had written the words on the page.
"Why go through life with that scrawny little
dried-up body of yours? Getting shoved around by
bullies, and laughed at by the girls.... what for?
When in less than 30 days I can have your mirror
jam-packed with steel-hard biceps, triceps and
pectorals. You'll hardly know yourself when we're
done. You'll walk down any street unafraid, know-
ing that, should the need arise, you could punch
your way through a freight train!"
"Ya know, he may have something there," said
Ernie. Ernie was my age, but he'd skipped a grade
two years before, and the opinion of a fifth
grader was not to be taken lightly.
"Yeah," I offered, and we read on.
The man in the leopard-skin trunks was selling
barbells and a booklet telling how to use them.
The price seemed pretty good: only $6.95 for the
whole setup.
"Six ninety-five, heck, we got almost half that
in pop bottles already," thought Ernie.
"Let's check our pockets," I said. That pro-
duced a piece of chalk, a U-No wrapper, some
chestnuts and 32 cents between us.
So in the next two weeks, Ernie's dad's car got
washed three or four times, and his bratty little
sister had a babysitter always at hand. I ran a
lot of errands, and our lawn never looked better.
Finally, we collected $6.95 and sent it off.
While waiting for the barbells to arrive, we
planned what we'd do once we could punch holes in
freight trains.
"That Ronald Stoeffer's gonna be sorry," Ernie
promised. "I'm gonna beat on him till I get my
hardball back, and then you know what? I'm gonna
make him EAT it!" He shoved his fist deep into
his mouth, and laughed so hard he choked. I slap-
ped his back and laughed, too. To think! Another
month, and we'd both look just like the man on the
back of Incredible Comics.
But it never came to pass. The barbells ar-
rived at Ernie's as planned, but with them came a
bill for another 28 dollars to cover shipping, in-
surance, special handling and an unannounced price
increase. Ernie's father, who hadn't known about
our venture until then, had some unkind words for
the delivery man, and told him to take the weights
to MY father so MY father could pay the 28 bucks.
He got so mad he kicked the barbells, broke a toe,
and confined Ernie to the house for a month. It
turned out my dad wasn't very eager to pay the
money, either, and the barbells disappeared with
the truck that bought them, unopened.
So Ernie and I were doomed at an early age to
grow up with scrawny, dried-up bodies. We learned
one thing, though: Never trust a man who wears
leopard-skin jockey shorts.
8
Emily prepares to remove her television props in
preparation for her departure from the naval sta-
tion Tuesday.
Emily and "Afternoon”
move on to Norfolk
Last week, the White Falcon ran a story
the changes taking place at American Forces
vision Keflavik. One change brings an end
"new tradition" at AFTV.
Emily Burnett, who created and built an easy go-
ing informational afternoon for the ladies on Chan-
nel 8, departs Keflavik upon the transfer of. her
husband. And while her departure creates a great
void on the staff, "Emily's Afternoon" will contin-
ue with a new name and hostess.
Emily graduated from Wesleyan College in Macon,
Ga., with a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Speech and
Theater. Although she had no previous experience
in television, Emily immediately adapted to the
medium upon answering a call for volunteers last
March.
Building a show around news. Bulletin Board ma-
terial and the Television Station, Emily Burnett
has become a fixture on AFTV and a familiar face to
all TV fans. In addition to her own show, she has
helped on Northern Currents, USO Specials and vari-
ous Holiday specials, such as the witch on Hollo-
ween.
Emily, who is married to Assistant Security Of-
ficer Lt.tj.g.) Lewis Burnett, leaves Tuesday for
Norfolk, Va., where her husband assumes new duties
with Helicopter Combat Support Squadron Six (HC-6).
She plans to use her experience in Iceland to con-
tinue a television career in the commercial field
in the Norfolk area.
The AFTV staff wishes her the best of luck in
her future television career, and thanks for the
many long hours she has devoted to making televi-
sion viewing on the NATO base the best possible
Today marked the final appearance of Emily
nett on AFTV, and her smiling face and "Emi
Afternoon" will be sincerely missed.
November 19, 1971
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