The White Falcon


The White Falcon - 19.11.1971, Blaðsíða 8

The White Falcon - 19.11.1971, Blaðsíða 8
Tom Foolery by J()2 'lorn Wucb There it was on the back cover of Incredible Comics, spelled out in big red letters. "I'LL MAKE YOU A DYNAMO OF SUPER-CHARGED MUSCLEPOWER IN LESS THAN 30 DAYS!" My friend Ernie held the magazine while we read the ad. There was a picture of a man with tree-trunk legs flexing an arm like a side of beef. He wore only a leopard-skin swim suit, and I guess he had written the words on the page. "Why go through life with that scrawny little dried-up body of yours? Getting shoved around by bullies, and laughed at by the girls.... what for? When in less than 30 days I can have your mirror jam-packed with steel-hard biceps, triceps and pectorals. You'll hardly know yourself when we're done. You'll walk down any street unafraid, know- ing that, should the need arise, you could punch your way through a freight train!" "Ya know, he may have something there," said Ernie. Ernie was my age, but he'd skipped a grade two years before, and the opinion of a fifth grader was not to be taken lightly. "Yeah," I offered, and we read on. The man in the leopard-skin trunks was selling barbells and a booklet telling how to use them. The price seemed pretty good: only $6.95 for the whole setup. "Six ninety-five, heck, we got almost half that in pop bottles already," thought Ernie. "Let's check our pockets," I said. That pro- duced a piece of chalk, a U-No wrapper, some chestnuts and 32 cents between us. So in the next two weeks, Ernie's dad's car got washed three or four times, and his bratty little sister had a babysitter always at hand. I ran a lot of errands, and our lawn never looked better. Finally, we collected ?6.95 and sent it off. While waiting for the barbells to arrive, we planned what we'd do once we could punch holes in freight trains. "That Ronald Stoeffer's gonna be sorry," Ernie promised. "I'm gonna beat on him till I get my hardball back, and then you know what? I'm gonna make him EAT it!" He shoved his fist deep into his mouth, and laughed so hard he choked. I slap- ped his back and laughed, too. To think! Another month, and we'd both look just like the man on the back of Incredible Comics. But it never came to pass. The barbells ar- rived at Ernie's as planned, but with them came a bill for another 28 dollars to cover shipping, in- surance, special handling and an unannounced price increase. Ernie's father, who hadn't known about our venture until then, had some unkind words for the delivery man, and told him to take the weights to MY father so MY father could pay the 28 bucks. He got so mad he kicked the barbells, broke a toe, and confined Ernie to the house for a month. It turned out my dad wasn't very eager to pay the money, either, and the barbells disappeared with the truck that bought them, unopened. So Ernie and I were doomed at an early age to grow up with scrawny, dried-up bodies. We learned one thing, though: Never trust a man who wears leopard-skin jockey shorts. 8 Emily prepares to remove her television props in preparation for her departure from the naval sta- tion Tuesday. Emily and "Afternoon" move on to Norfolk Last week, the White Falcon ran a story about the changes taking place at American Forces Tele vision Keflavik. One change brings an end to "new tradition" at AFTV. Emily Burnett, who created and built an easy go- ing informational afternoon for the ladies on Chan- nel 8, departs Keflavik upon the transfer of. her husband. And while her departure creates a great void on the staff, "Emily's Afternoon" will contin- ue with a new name and hostess. Emily graduated from Wesleyan College in Macon, Ga., with a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Speech and Theater. Although she had no previous experience in television, Emily immediately adapted to the medium upon answering a call for volunteers last March. Building a show around news, Bulletin Board ma- terial and the Television Station, Emily Burnett has become a fixture on AFTV and a familiar face to all TV fans. In addition to her own show, she has helped on Northern Currents, USO Specials and vari- ous Holiday specials, such as the witch on Hollo- ween. Emily, who is married to Assistant Security Of- ficer Lt.(j.g.) Lewis Burnett, leaves Tuesday for Norfolk, Va., where her husband assumes new duties with Helicopter Combat Support Squadron Six (HC-6). She plans to use her experience in Iceland to con- tinue a television career in the commercial field in the Norfolk area. The AFTV staff wishes her the best of luck in her future television career, and thanks for the many long hours she has devoted to making televi sion viewing on the NATO base the best possible. Today marked the final appearance of Emily Bur nett on AFTV, and her smiling face and "Emily' Afternoon" will be sincerely missed. November 19, 1971 • •


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