The White Falcon - 10.12.1971, Blaðsíða 8
Tatti fboto-y
I ■ ■■ I I by J02 Tom WiecTs/
Unless my nose for news needs blowing, I think we've
got a real scoop for you this week, a genuine journalis-
tic breakthrough.
I can't say just how, but certain documents were re-
ceived by this column recently. For the past few weeks, some of my
associates have been carefully looking them over in a closely-guarded
hotel room. They found them to be authentic in every way, and now
the story can be told. Made public for the first time anywhere, we
present - The Polar Papers.
BACKGROUND: Everyone knows that this is the time of year that
Santa Claus is "making a list and checking it twice" because he's
"gotta find out who's naughty or nice." But no one has ever known
just what was written about whom in that big ledger on the old man's
desk. Until now, that is. Xerox copies of some of the entries in
this mysterious book have been smuggled out of Santa's Workshop, and
they make interesting reading, indeed.
"Ralph Nader — Has done quite a bit of complaining this year, but
I guess he means well. Haven't the faintest idea what to leave for
him this time. Last year he said my gift was unsafe. A tie is dan-
gerous?
"Colonel Sanders — He's been finger-lickin' good all year, but I
happen to know what he keeps in that phony hollow cane of his. Maybe
he could use some more swizzle sticks.
"Hugh Hefner — Definitely naughty this year. Hasn't answered any
of my letters or phone calls. I don't think it was unreasonable to
suggest that good old Santa get a gift just this once. After all,
he's got hundreds of those bunnies ---- what's one for a deserving old
man? Living in a house full of weird little elves is no picnic, Mr.
Hefner!
"Tiny Tim — And speaking of weird little elves! He's been pretty
good, but he better not pull that hang-the-panty-hose-over-the-fire-
place bit again this year. Took most of my bag to fill it up last
time. For him I've got the perfect present ------ a brand new G-string
(for his ukulele)."
So the proverbial cat is out of the bag on Santa's secret book.
Some will undoubtedly say that these Polar Papers have no place in
public print. Pooh! is our piqued reply! It is the duty of a free
press to present fearlessly the issues that affect us all. Without
the courage to do so, our news media would be a sham.
Oh, and by the way, the guy who sneaked us the Xerox copies was a
weird little elf named Zackdil Eabroon. Thanks, Zackdil, but we
don't need you anymore.
CNO says “Well
Done” for Self
Help progra
The Self Help program recently
received a first birthday "Well-
Done" from the CNO.
"The first year's efforts have
produced great results," Adm.
Zumwalt stated. "We must keep up
the momentum."
The admiral's NAVOP message
pointed out that more than 1,000
projects have already been com-
pleted or are now underway. All
these projects are aimed at up-
grading the living areas and rec-
reational facilities for shore
duty personnel and sea duty per-
sonnel who are in port.
Adm. Zumwalt called for all
commanders, both ashore and a-
float, to give their continued
support to the program in the
future.
FOR UM, from Page 5
that we were better off the way
we stood before with $30 for ev-
ery child."
• Valerie Butler, housewi
”1 really think you should get1
little more pay for each depe'
dent. I understand that a single
guy feels he should get as much
pay."
LIMAS
DeMARZO
Plan early for elections
The next general election won't be held until Nov. 7, 1972. That
may seem a long way off. But many states will hold primary elections
earlier than that.
Before you can vote in either the general election or the primar-
ies, you have to register. And
before you can vote wisely in ei-
ther, you have to know what the
issues are and which candidates
support the policies you favor.
The Armed Forces are planning
an active campaign to encourage
and remind all eligible voters to
register, then vote. The regis-
tration drive will climax in Feb-
ruary, which has been designated
Armed Forces Registration Month.
(See ELECTIONS, Page 9)
• Sgt. Jaime Limas, 57th
F.I.S., single: "I can see get-
ting paid more for the married
personnel. As long as they pay
us, that's all right with us."
• AW3 Joe DeMarzo, VP-56, sin-
gle: "Yes, I believe you should
be paid equally for the work you
do. I recognize that a married
man has more responsibilities."
NEXT WEEK'S QUESTION: Have
tried to learn to speak the Ic
landic language? If there was
command sponsored free conver
tion course, would you go?
8
December 10, 1971