The White Falcon

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The White Falcon - 10.12.1971, Blaðsíða 8

The White Falcon - 10.12.1971, Blaðsíða 8
Tatti fboto-y I ■ ■■ I I by J02 Tom WiecTs/ Unless my nose for news needs blowing, I think we've got a real scoop for you this week, a genuine journalis- tic breakthrough. I can't say just how, but certain documents were re- ceived by this column recently. For the past few weeks, some of my associates have been carefully looking them over in a closely-guarded hotel room. They found them to be authentic in every way, and now the story can be told. Made public for the first time anywhere, we present - The Polar Papers. BACKGROUND: Everyone knows that this is the time of year that Santa Claus is "making a list and checking it twice" because he's "gotta find out who's naughty or nice." But no one has ever known just what was written about whom in that big ledger on the old man's desk. Until now, that is. Xerox copies of some of the entries in this mysterious book have been smuggled out of Santa's Workshop, and they make interesting reading, indeed. "Ralph Nader — Has done quite a bit of complaining this year, but I guess he means well. Haven't the faintest idea what to leave for him this time. Last year he said my gift was unsafe. A tie is dan- gerous? "Colonel Sanders — He's been finger-lickin' good all year, but I happen to know what he keeps in that phony hollow cane of his. Maybe he could use some more swizzle sticks. "Hugh Hefner — Definitely naughty this year. Hasn't answered any of my letters or phone calls. I don't think it was unreasonable to suggest that good old Santa get a gift just this once. After all, he's got hundreds of those bunnies ---- what's one for a deserving old man? Living in a house full of weird little elves is no picnic, Mr. Hefner! "Tiny Tim — And speaking of weird little elves! He's been pretty good, but he better not pull that hang-the-panty-hose-over-the-fire- place bit again this year. Took most of my bag to fill it up last time. For him I've got the perfect present ------ a brand new G-string (for his ukulele)." So the proverbial cat is out of the bag on Santa's secret book. Some will undoubtedly say that these Polar Papers have no place in public print. Pooh! is our piqued reply! It is the duty of a free press to present fearlessly the issues that affect us all. Without the courage to do so, our news media would be a sham. Oh, and by the way, the guy who sneaked us the Xerox copies was a weird little elf named Zackdil Eabroon. Thanks, Zackdil, but we don't need you anymore. CNO says “Well Done” for Self Help progra The Self Help program recently received a first birthday "Well- Done" from the CNO. "The first year's efforts have produced great results," Adm. Zumwalt stated. "We must keep up the momentum." The admiral's NAVOP message pointed out that more than 1,000 projects have already been com- pleted or are now underway. All these projects are aimed at up- grading the living areas and rec- reational facilities for shore duty personnel and sea duty per- sonnel who are in port. Adm. Zumwalt called for all commanders, both ashore and a- float, to give their continued support to the program in the future. FOR UM, from Page 5 that we were better off the way we stood before with $30 for ev- ery child." • Valerie Butler, housewi ”1 really think you should get1 little more pay for each depe' dent. I understand that a single guy feels he should get as much pay." LIMAS DeMARZO Plan early for elections The next general election won't be held until Nov. 7, 1972. That may seem a long way off. But many states will hold primary elections earlier than that. Before you can vote in either the general election or the primar- ies, you have to register. And before you can vote wisely in ei- ther, you have to know what the issues are and which candidates support the policies you favor. The Armed Forces are planning an active campaign to encourage and remind all eligible voters to register, then vote. The regis- tration drive will climax in Feb- ruary, which has been designated Armed Forces Registration Month. (See ELECTIONS, Page 9) • Sgt. Jaime Limas, 57th F.I.S., single: "I can see get- ting paid more for the married personnel. As long as they pay us, that's all right with us." • AW3 Joe DeMarzo, VP-56, sin- gle: "Yes, I believe you should be paid equally for the work you do. I recognize that a married man has more responsibilities." NEXT WEEK'S QUESTION: Have tried to learn to speak the Ic landic language? If there was command sponsored free conver tion course, would you go? 8 December 10, 1971

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