Reykjavík Grapevine - 02.08.2013, Page 4

Dear Grapevine-

My Father, Brother and I are breaking the
cardinal rule of familial relations (distance
makes the heart grow fonder) by traveling
together to your wonderful country this very
August. Our logic, which has zero cred-
ibility, was that all but a few gnomes and a
puffin might catch our snide bickering as we
bumbled about with our single bottle of duty-
free vodka and a 6-pack of something called
Gull.

Since we’re a foolish American caricature
of...”if it wasn’t for you, we’d be NOR-
MAL!”... followed by “well, if you’d listened
just ONCE you might not be such a failure”.
Blahh-blahhh-blahhh ... I want a drink or
twelve followed by an intervention. (Inter-
ventions are what Americans do to resurrect
themselves from stupid behavior... they really
should call it “born-again boring neighbor”)

Anyhow, I digress. We, being the thoughtful
types, felt you might appreciate a non-verbal
guide to communicating with us.

Unlike most tourists we talk below the din;
appreciate the nuance of pacing our food/
drink; and tend to be much more interested
in listening to strangers or keeping quite than
dealing with our immediate family or play-
ing with our iPhones.

Thank You in advance for letting us travel
amongst the good souls of Iceland and shar-
ing a stretch of earth and time. We will do
our best to become Tourist(s) of the Year.

Skal!

Ernest, Will and Phil McCracken - (aka -
The McCracken’s)
Hey McCrackens!
We were gonna call you ‘Tteam McCrack-
en’ but it really doesn’t sound like there’s
gonna be a lot of teamwork happening
during your visit to our country. Why so
much bickering, you guys? And why go
on a trip, in close quarters, with nowhere
to run but the ocean, if there’s gonna be
so much bickering and bad vibes!? What
the hell!?
Actually, it does sound a pretty good
premise for a show: an American man,
his brother and dad, (who may or may not
secretly hate one another), quietly giving
each other cut-eye and sass-mouth as
they go on misguided vacations together.
Shame and blame throwing ensues!
Seriously, we hope you’re bringing a
camera and you film this stuff. If your
familial spats get into the news somehow,
then you’ll definitely be tipping the scales
towards winning the grand TOTY prize.
For now, here’s something to help keep the
peace between the three of you.
Love,
The Grapevine
--
Dear sir / madam
I am writing with regard to the Icelan-
dic radio station X977. I first tuned in
when spending New Year in Iceland and
thoroughly enjoyed the type of music they
play and hearing some new bands. In fact,
through listening to them I first heard Asgeir
Trausti. Subsequently I have become a fan
and saw him in concert in London earlier this
month. From time to time I listen to X977
on my internet radio to keep in touch with
what is happening musically in your country.
However, on doing this on Friday 26th July
I was intrigued to hear an English-speaking
DJ. After a couple of songs he announced in
a fairly convoluted way that he was about to
tell a joke. This turned out to be extremely
offensive and racist insulting gypsies. He
topped it off by saying that this was the BBC
(not X977), in case of complaints. Clearly he
knew full well that the joke was unaccept-
able but tried to extend the joke further. As I
am not from Iceland I do not know whether
this type of incident is acceptable in your
country and I would sincerely hope that it is
not. Racism of any kind is not for broadcast
and I am shocked that a radio station such
as X977 permits this to take place. I am sure
that if this were to happen at the BBC the
person involved would be sacked immedi-
ately. I would be interested to hear what your
thoughts are at Grapevine.
Many thanks
Neil Jones (a teacher in London)
Hey Neil,
X-ið are usually pretty great, you’re right.
And in their defence, they do claim to take
this sort of stuff pretty seriously, even
implementing (an un-needed by Icelandic
law) code of ethics a couple years back.
That guy Smutty is a bit of a character all
truth be told, a relic of (more innocent?
more archaic? dumber? differenter?)
times, if you will. We’re definitely not
excusing his comments, but sort of noting
why the X-ið folks would pay no mind
to his miscommunications. It’s easy to
get blind on people and how their words
might be perceived if you already take
them sort of half-seriously. Hopefully the
guys at X-ið are reading this here ‘letters’
column and will take your complaints
seriously—they are definitely merited.
Best,
The Grapevine
PS. Try listening to Flassback instead.
They stream a lot of fun jams from the
early noughties!
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Say your piece, voice your opinion, send
your letters to: letters@grapevine.is
Sour grapes & stuff
MOST AWESOME LETTER
The Hamburger Factory Reykjavík
Höfðatorg Tower. Groundfloor.
Opening hours:
Sun.-Wed. 11.00 – 22.00
Thu.-Sat. 11.00 – 24.00
Reservations:
Tel: 575 7575
fabrikkan@fabrikkan.is
www.fabrikkan.is
BE SQUARE
AND BE THERE
Gullfoss and Geysir are surely a must-see in Iceland,
but neither is something you eat. That's why we have
15 brilliant and creative hamburgers at
the Hamburger Factory.
Located on the groundfloor of the highest tower
of Reykjavík, and on the groundfloor of the historic
Hotel Kea in Akureyri, the Hamburger Factory has
been packed with burger-craving customers since it's
opening in april 2010. Among the regulars is Iceland's
best known fisherman, Eric Clapton.
Attention: Our hamburger buns are not round.
They are square. Does it taste better? You tell us.
HOW TO GET THERE
SOME TIPS ON HOW TO GET TO US WHILE LOOKING COOL AND LOCAL
From that point on you are in good hands.
Be there or be square!
“Íslenska Hamborgarafabrikkan, takk”
(„The Icelandic Hamburger Factory, please“)
This is what you say to the taxi driver
or when asking locals for directions:
“Sælar! Hvað er að frétta”
(Hello! What‘s up)
When you arrive you tell the waiter:
“Ég er þokkalega svangur,
get ég fengið hamborgara”
(I‘m quite hungry, can I get a hamburger)
The Hamburger Factory Akureyri
Kea Hotel. Groundfloor.
The Hamburger Factory
has two restaurants in Iceland.

MOST AWESOME LETTER
FREE ICELANDIC GOURMET FEAST!
There's prize for all your MOST AWESOME LETTERS. And it’s a scorcher!
No, really! It's a goddamn scorcher is what it is! Whoever sends us THE MOST
AWESOME LETTER this issue will receive A FRIGGIN GOURMET FEAST FOR
TWO at TAPAS BARINN. Did you hear that? Write in and complain about
something (in an admirable way), win a gourmet feast at one of Reykjavík's
best? THIS IS THE DEAL OF THE CENTURY IS WHAT IT IS! What's in a 'lobster
feast'? Well, one has to assume that it has lobster-a-plenty. Is there more?
Probably, but still... Gourmet feast? Wow! DON’T PANIC if your letter wasn’t
picked AWESOME LETTER. There's always next month! Now, if you're in the
market for free goodies next month, write us some sort of letter.
Give us your worst: letters@grapevine.is
4The Reykjavík Grapevine