Reykjavík Grapevine - 02.08.2013, Síða 18

18The Reykjavík Grapevine Issue 11 — 2013
Huang had brief battles with the art directors
over how the rocks should look—“everyone
in Iceland seems to have a very clear idea
in their head what lava and lava rock look
like”—and how the lava should be concocted.
“
„
Continues over
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Continued from page 16
“The scare-films always portrayed sex itself as
a disease, focusing only on STDs like hepatitis,
chlamydia and syphilis.”
“One thing has not changed since the ‘50s, and
that is teenagers,” Páll Óskar tells me. “Teenagers
are still reaching puberty, asking a lot of questions
and wanting answers. Finding the answers today is
as simple as googling them, and the first thing that
pops up when you look for something sexual is usu-
ally porn.”
He continues: “As a teenager of the ‘80s, I re-
member looking for porn, it was really hard work.
You had to walk into a video store, and with a
sweaty upper lip and palms, ask the man at the
counter whether you would be allowed to look into
the blue folder. Then you had to find some time to
watch the porn without anyone knowing, because
there was only ever one TV and VCR in the house.”
Páll also comments on the English report, say-
ing that “teenagers need to be informed that porn’s
depicted behaviour is not necessarily what you
should bring into your own sex life. I’m a firm
believer that teenagers are not stupid.” And that
is where ‘Fáðu já’ comes in, offering teenagers a
healthier way to look at sex and porn.
Avoiding an imminent disaster
Fáðu já co-creator Brynhildur Björnsdóttir is a
life-long friend of Páll Óskar’s, and she brought a
wealth of experience from hosting a children’s ra-
dio programme. “We wanted to state that sex can
be fun and good, and that it’s better for everyone if
it is consensual, intimate, funny and warm,” Bryn-
hildur says.
She wanted to make sure that boys or girls who
grow up thinking porn is educational or believe
films like ‘Twilight’ give a realistic picture of what
to expect in relationships won’t collide too violent-
ly when coming together for their first experiences.
“In porn there is total disregard for any emotional
connection,” Brynhildur says, “while girls come
into relationships with lots of emotional expecta-
tions, willing to go to great lengths to get the per-
fect man who turns into their prince.”
The film does a thorough job of illustrating
how unrealistic porn is—without condemning any
type of sexual behaviour. “We wanted to convey the
message that the key is to communicate and get con-
sent, no matter what you want to do. Especially if
you want to deviate from ‘normal’ sex,” Brynhildur
tells me. “In porn and in ‘Twilight,’ people jump on
the next person who happens to be totally thinking
the same things, but in real life people need to talk
together and see if they want the same things.”
How well prepared are teenagers for that dis-
cussion? “The Icelandic education system is very
good at teaching what the labia is, ovaries, penis,
and the biodynamic aspect of sex,” Brynhildur
says. “But there’s less information about how to ask
someone out on a date, or how to talk to somebody
that you want to have sex with.” The social aspect
of the education has been missing, which is what
‘Fáðu Já’ aims to address.
Getting consent
To hammer the message home, ‘Fáðu já’ employs a
lot of clever metaphors to remove ambiguity from
any so-called grey areas, something that Þórdís
Elva’s brought to the project in spades.
Þórdís wrote the critically acclaimed book ‘Á
mannamáli’ which discusses sexual violence in
Iceland in great detail. She tells me of one incident
during her book tour at an upper secondary school in
Reykjavík. She was taking questions, and one guy in
his late teens asked whether it “wasn’t okay to finish
if you were really close to coming but the girl wants
to stop?” “I was taken aback by the question because
it was totally sincere, and nobody in the class room
reacted, or gave him a funny look,” Þórdís says. “Ev-
eryone just stared at me blankly, and I thought ‘oh
god, we have so much work ahead…’
The film tries to eliminate the widespread mis-
conception that there’s something called a grey
area with regards to gender based and sexual vi-
olence. “Lack of consent wouldn’t be grey if you
transferred it onto something else,” Þórdís says. “If
someone doesn’t want to crash on your couch, then
you are in the wrong if you make them.”
Scenes in the film involve a person being force
fed a hamburger despite protesting, and one where a
person is forced to urinate when she clearly doesn’t
feel comfortable doing so. By recontextualizing
consent and its refusal or withdrawal, it becomes
even clearer that it is absolutely wrong to disregard
what the other party wants sexually.
After filming ‘Fáðu já,’ the team got 70 experts
to review it. They included “child psychologists,
people from the child protection unit, all the differ-
ent ministries that sponsored the film, sexologists,
sociologists, and people with gender studies back-
grounds,” Þórdís says. The experts were concerned
about showing the porn segment of the film to tenth
graders, but it was obviously the elephant in the
room that had to be discussed, Þórdís says.
A wide influence
The film was well received, scoring a great deal of
praise from teachers, students, parents and the me-
dia. ‘Fáðu já’ was shown to every tenth grade stu-
dent in Iceland, and teachers facilitated discussions
afterwards. The only negative feedback came from
teenagers, who were unhappy with the film’s incor-
rect use of hashtags and from those who thought it
was too heterocentric. The team concedes the first
point, but raised their eyebrows at the second, as
the film features at least three intimate scenes fea-
turing same-sex couples.
‘Fáðu já’ has already won an award in Tallin,
Estonia, and the preventative group ‘Bleiki fíllinn’
(“The Pink Elephant”) will screen select scenes at
this year’s Þjóðhátíð festival (more on that else-
where in this issue). The film will be shown again
in schools in January 2014 and 2015, after which
The Hamburger Scene
Arguably the strongest of the meta-
phors used in ‘Fáðu já’ involves a
couple sitting at a restaurant eating
burgers. Discovering blue cheese in
his burger, the man says he doesn’t
want it any more. The woman asks if
they can’t enjoy the moment, which
the man says they can, but that he’s
lost his appetite. The woman then pro-
ceeds to ask him to take one bite as
she forces the burger down his throat.
Customers in the background stare in
disbelief as the man chokes, convulses
and tries to fight her off, before finally
swallowing a bite. Páll Óskar’s voice
then asks: “would this be OK?”
I had a quick word with Tanja Björk
Ómarsdóttir, the actress involved in the
scene. She says she occasionally gets
funny looks at the supermarket where
people approach her and go “don’t I
know you?” To which she answers, “I
don’t know, do ya?” She says “I think
it’s wonderful when people come up
to me and say they loved the film. The
film has a great message, and I’m really
proud of having been a part of it.”
“With whom are all these Icelandic ladies sleeping?”
–Sóley Björk Stefánsdóttir, editorial column in web magazine Akureyri vikublað, July 24.
Don’t worry, she was being sarcastic. Sóley is simply pointing out that in a news story in Frét-
tablaðið that day, Icelandic women seemed to be held mostly responsible for Iceland holding the
European record in chlamydia. In the story, the head of the sexual health clinic at Landspítali (a
man) expressed concern for young women, as they often have chlamydia without knowing it, which can later result
in difficulties conceiving.
The reporter, also a man, then elaborated on the subject by pointing out how many women born after 1973 have been
diagnosed with HPV according to a recent study. Sóley was outraged and pointed out that there was no mention of
“guys” in the article whereas “girls” were mentioned six times, “women” six times, “young people” and “youths”
three times each and “Icelanders” once. Having put two and two together, Sóley wondered how these diseases were
being spread so much if Icelandic guys aren’t a worrying factor in the equation. Rightly so!
“The fact of the matter is that we’re one big family that’s spending way too much.”
–Unnur Brá Konráðsdóttir, MP for the Independence party, in DV, 30 July
Unnur Brá is a member of a parliamentary committee that’s currently drafting up suggestions
about further state austerity actions, budget cuts and reorganisation. After all, the new coalition
government of the Progressive and Independence parties seems to have a huge gap to fill (their
rush to revoke the previous government’s fishing fees law probably didn’t help, as it means there are a few billion ISK
missing from next year’s budget).
In the above quote, Unnur Brá is explaining to DV that there’s a lot of work ahead for the committee, which will start
nitpicking the budget in the next weeks. Obviously, the MP has discovered that Iceland isn’t really doing so well,
just like a mum who’s just gone over the teenagers’ phone bill and added up how often the family orders pizza. She’s
threatening to take action and making sure everyone acts thrifty and spends less. Only, not everybody in the coali-
tion’s big, happy family wants Unnur Brá to be their mum. A lot of those commenting on the story refute any family
ties with the coalition parties and reject accusations of “spending way too much,” instead noting that the family’s rich
and extravagant “uncles” and “aunts” should stop sneaking into the family’s rainy day funds.
by Ingibjörg Rósa BjörnsdóttirThey Said What?
Still from "Fáðu já"
the project will be reviewed and possibly updated.
It was a very large and ambitious project, dealing with
a lot of sensitive topics. Þórdís says she wanted to leave
viewers with a very simple message: “I want people
to understand that you shouldn’t be shy to communi-
cate what you need or want sexually. Shyness invites
misunderstanding. If you are afraid of saying what you
really want, then the likelihood of you overstepping
your partner’s boundaries also increases dramatically.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.”
After all, isn’t it the best way to make sure every-
one is getting what they want out of sex and life?