Reykjavík Grapevine - 18.05.2007, Blaðsíða 7

1_RVK_GV_06_007_AWESOME NEWS
It’s been entirely too long since I last reported to you
about t.A.T.u. - the greatest and most awesome band
in the world - and as you can imagine, they’ve been
busy spreading their greatness and awesome around
the globe. So great and awesome has their greatness
and awesomeness been that mere words fail to capture
it, in much the same way that a Nokia default ringtone
fails to capture the achievements of the world’s greatest
composers. Nonetheless, here it is: your latest update on
Lena Katina and Yulia Volkova, singers for the greatest
and most awesome band in the world, t.A.T.u.
Yulia Volkova got married last March, but not to her
on-again-off-again boyfriend pop singer Vlad Topalov,
but rather to some guy named Parviz, a friend she made
before the Dangerous and Moving Tour and kept in touch
with on the road. She is apparently madly in love and told
the Russian magazine Tvoy Den, “I want to bear Parviz a
son, and not only one. In general, for me the question of
motherhood is very important now. I wish that there is a
fruit of our love, which would make us the most happy
people under the sun.” She did not, contrary to tabloid
reports, convert to Islam - she remains an atheist. Which
is odd, as it’s hard to imagine that a human being like
Yulia Volkova could be created by mere chance. I imagine
she was created by a team of wizards on top of Mt. Sinai,
but to each their own!
One of t.A.T.u.’s most enigmatic songs, Obezyanka
Nol (Monkey Zero), was recently explained on their official
site. In their own words they explained that the song is
saying that, “Nobody is responsible for anything anymore,
everybody is on one’s own. Everything that we believed
in died under the pressure of triviality and cynicism. It’s a
sad memory about somebody who was joyous and funny
- but in the past. Monkey Zero is an unprotected, sincere
and honest human being crushed by our violent reality.”
Has anyone done more to point out what needs improving
in our world than t.A.T.u? Amnesty International, the Red
Cross, Habitat for Humanity - lightweights, all of them.
t.A.T.u. plan to release a new album this year, which
they say will be “less heavy” than their sophomore effort,
Dangerous and Moving. As of last February, demos were
recorded but a set release date has yet to be established.
As Volkova explained, “We’ll make something less heavy.
You can’t make psychological and complicated things
all the time.” So for those of you who had your minds
shattered so utterly by Dangerous and Moving, you can
breathe easier knowing the girls are going to have mercy
on your puny brains this time around.
Perhaps the greatest and most awesome news to
date, however, is that the Russian-American film company
RAMCO has entered the final stage of Pre-Production for
the feature film “Finding Tatu”, based on Alexey Mitro-
fanov’s novel “Tatu Come Back”, to be shot in Moscow
this month. Roland Joffé (The Killing Fields, Super Mario
Bros.) was invited to direct, on a budget of $12 million.
Here’s what t.A.T.u.’s official press portal has to say about
the plot:
“Janie Sawyer is a cute American teenager. She’s been
living in Moscow for a year, but still has no friends. Janie’s
loneliness and love for music bring her to the fandom of
Tatu, and in one of the Internet chatrooms she meets Lana
Starkova, a fellow fan from a provincial Russian town.
Together they plunge into the attractive yet dangerous
world of nightlife, experience adventures on the verge
of fairy-tale and nightmare, and undergo trials of their
own friendship. Despite all the conflicts, betrayal and
disappointment, the girls shall renounce false values and
discover new feelings and talents within themselves.”
The movie is scheduled to be shown at Cannes this
year. My prediction is this movie will take the Palme D’Or,
and will win at least seven Oscars. In fact, I’d put a steak
dinner on the Academy creating a new award - The Most
Greatness and Awesomeness in a Motion Picture - just
so they can award it to t.A.T.u., the greatest and most
awesome band in the world.
t.A.T.u. Fun Fact #203
The letters in Yulia Volkova and Lena Katina can be rear-
ranged to spell “A yolk lava ink evaluation.” And I won’t
insult your intelligence by explaining what that means.
t.A.T.u. Quote #771
“When an artist climbs up there’s a certain stage of con-
quering heights. It’s very important then not to fall down.”
Yulia Volkova gives advice to all you ballers out there.
t.A.T.u. – The Greatest and Most
Awesome Band in the World, Part 3
Text by Paul F. Nikolov CAPONEalla virka daga milli 07:00 & 10:00
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