Reykjavík Grapevine - 28.08.2010, Síða 45

STAY HUNGRY FOR HEALTH
Delicious Vegetarian and Chicken Dishes
and the World’s Best Soups
RESTAURANT - FOOD STORE - TAKEAWAY
Suðurlandsbraut 12 - Tel. 557 5880 - www.kruska.is
Open all weekdays from 11:00 - 20:00
Probably the best pizza
in town
Pizzeria tel. 578 8555 Lækjargata 8 Downtown
Geysir Fact #2
Cheap Cars
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33
The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 13 — 2010
Your Emotions | Ask The Doctor
Positive thinking is a skill
that can be mastered just
as Kung Fu or Tango. Some
people have learned it from a
very young age while other struggle to
acquire it in adulthood, through cogni-
tive behavioural therapy, for example.
Whatever the case, positive thinking is
one of the keys to happiness. Positive
thoughts elicit positive feelings just as
negative thoughts elicit negative feel-
ings. We humans are constantly think-
ing, we even think while we sleep, and
we are continuously scanning our envi-
ronment and reacting to it. The way we
view our world and the different situa-
tions in our lives, affects the way we feel
and the way we act. For example, if we
are constantly thinking that the world
is a dangerous place and that we need
to be constantly on the lookout we will
feel fearful and we might have difficulty-
trusting people.
But how can we change our mind-
set and think more positively? This is no
easy task and it requires some master-
ing but the most important thing is to
be aware of how our thoughts affect our
feelings. And just remember… “don’t
worry, be happy!” Lucky or unlucky, is
there something to this? Are some peo-
ple destined to succeed and others to
fail? Some people believe in the power
of luck and see it as a positive force that
can influence and change circumstanc-
es. Some people, for example, carry with
them lucky charms, objects and images
in order to improve good luck. I believe
that what determines luck, or lack of it,
is the meaning that we give to the dif-
ferent events in our lives and not neces-
sarily some sort of mystical power that
can be called upon. It is we who select
the meaning that we give to our expe-
riences, we all have an opportunity to
take what happens to us and make the
best of it, or the worst of it, we all have
a choice. That is, are you unlucky you
got into an accident or lucky to be alive?
Or are you unlucky you got dumped or
lucky to be single? So the next time you
are feeling unlucky ask yourself, what
can I learn from this experience? And
remember, you have a choice.
My best friend’s boyfriend made a
pass at me but he was pretty drunk
that night and I don’t know if he
even remembers what happened.
They seem to have a stable relation-
ship and recently had a baby and
I don’t want to ruin that. I love my
friend but I find myself making ex-
cuses to meet her. I don’t know what
to do, should I tell her?
It sounds like you and your friend have
a very special relationship and that you
care a lot about her, but avoiding her is
not the right thing for you to do at the
moment. She definitely needs her best
friend right now that she just had a baby
and feeling rejected by you will not help
her out.
It sounds as if you feel guilty about
what happened, but what you need to
realise is that it is not your fault. There is
no reason to justify his actions, what he
did is wrong whether he remembers it
or not.
There are several things you could
do; you could do nothing and continue
to avoid her, you could talk to her again
and never mention what happened or
you could tell her the truth. Whatever
you decide to do is completely up to you,
but first ask yourself this question: what
would my best friend do if she were in
my situation? Putting yourself in her
shoes will help you decide what to do.
I love my wife and we have a very
good relationship but she some-
times gets pretty upset when I
go out with my friends. How can
I spend more time with my friends
without hurting her?
In every relationship it is important for
each partner to have time as individu-
als to meet friends, practice a hobby,
practice a sport or just relax. Likewise,
partners also need time to spend as a
couple.
It is important for the two of you to
have a talk and explore the reasons why
she feels upset about you meeting your
friends. Talking about this can help you
clarify misunderstandings and share
important feelings on this issue. Ad-
ditionally, it could be helpful for you to
agree on the amount of time each of you
desires to dedicate to your hobbies and/
or friendships as well as to the relation-
ship. The key here is finding a balance
that makes sense for the two of you.
Need some help solving your dilemmas? Ask
Paola by sending your questions to:
askpaolasala@gmail.com
PAOLA CARDENAS
JANINE
The Power Of Positive Thinking
Psychologist Paola Cardenas answers your dilemmas