Reykjavík Grapevine - 05.10.2012, Side 46

THE FRESHEST FISH ....AND IDEAS!
SKÓLAVÖRÐUSTÍGUR 14 - 101 REYKJAVÍK - 571 1100
After years of study,
strings of awards and
having led kitchens of
some of Reykjavík’s most
esteemed restaurants,
Gústav still sees him
self as just a kid from
up north, with a life-
time passion for fish.
BanThai
1/10 The Best Restaurant in Iceland
the best thai food
year 2009, 2010, 2011 and 2012
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by Ragnar Egilsson
F D
For your mind, body and soul
Alrighty, so you’ve had your first magic
mushroom trip in Iceland! It seems
you’ve shat yourself in three places
and haven’t eaten in two days—maybe
it’s time for a spot of sensible grocery
shopping?
As a connoisseur of terrifying food,
you are probably standing in front of
one of the downtown Bónus stores (the
discount ones with the drunk pig in the
logo)—either at Hallveigarstígur 1 or at
Laugavegur 59. Or possibly at one of the
hilariously expensive 10-11 convenience
stores staffed by security guards.
First you will be greeted by the fruit
and vegetable section and you’re think-
ing “Fantastic, I’ll get a banana then.”
WRONG! The bananas are either green
or black. Red peppers are green, green
peppers are white. You have found
yourself in a topsy-turvy land where
nothing is what it seems! Red Icelandic
potatoes, leeks and mackintosh apples
are normally a safe bet, but you should
escape this place immediately (unless
it’s a Wednesday which is when they
get a fresh shipment).
Remember to pick up hot dog buns
in the bread section right after the fruit
and veggies. You will also be able to
find decent additive-free whole-grain
breads (but the bakeries in Iceland are
awesome and you should visit them).
Next will be the meat/dairy section.
There are no coolers in Bónus except
for this walk in freezer so you should
dress warm.
Beware of meat that says “reykt”
(smoked) or “salt“ (brined) any-
thing—those usually require more
advanced cooking techniques than your
drug-addled mind is capable of. But
Icelandic hot dogs are awesome despite
being lightly smoked—get some of
those. There are some other forms of
tubed mystery meat on offer, such as
“bjúgu”—large logs of fatty forcemeat
in plastic casing that are always boiled
and eaten with bechamél sauce and
pickled sweet red cabbage (get some
of that in the canned section later).
The weirdest type of mystery meat will
probably be “sviðasulta” which is jellied
sheep head meat (head cheese or Sülze
in German).
Icelandic supermarkets don’t offer
raw sausages so forget all about that.
No minced lamb either, but plenty of
“nautgripakjöt” (cattle meat), which is
usually any old thing they threw in the
grinder. Make sure to get some lovely
smoked salmon or trout but be aware
that “grafinn” or “grafið” refers to meat
or fish that has been lightly cured (not
smoked)—lovely stuff in its own right
but tastes different.
Raw milk was recently made legal
but you will find nothing but pasteur-
ized stuff here. Cream and butter are
cheap and tasty. Icelandic butter is a
must buy and comes salted (silver pack-
aging) or unsalted (green). Icelandic
milk comes in three main categories:
blue (whole milk), yellow (semi-
skimmed) and white (skimmed). Be
careful not to buy yogurt by mistake as
a lot of the yogurt comes in large carton
containers.
Quick yogurt primer: AB-mjólk is
a type of thick yogurt-ish thing, based
on whole milk, but a bit thinner and
a little sour. Súrmjólk is buttermilk.
Anything labelled “létt” is skimmed or
low-fat. Skyr is the real winner here and
make sure to buy a lot of it. It is high in
protein and low in fat, but make sure to
check the sugar content. Skyr is techni-
cally a type of cheese, but it’s more like
yogurt in consistency and is eaten as
such.
You won’t find any high quality,
affordable cold cuts or ham, and the
watery pink crap called “skinka” (also a
local term for women that use too much
foundation or self tanners) should be
avoided at all costs. Cheap pâté spreads
are available and are not a terrible
choice. Novelty choices include Swed-
ish tubes of caviar (normally creamed
and smoked cod roe) and “Mysingur,”
which is with whey and caramel but
tastes nothing like any caramel I have
ever tasted. Some people swear by it. I
don’t.
Not much to say about the canned
stuff other than to not be fooled by
Ora’s lovely old timey design as most of
their products are inedible.
There’s lots of frozen stuff, which
you probably won’t be interested in
after going through the meat chamber
of endless winter.
The candy section will be frighten-
ingly massive. Enter at your own risk as
Icelanders are fond of strange combos
like liquorice and chocolate. Try the
whipped egg white (Americans should
think marshmallow fluff) in chocolate
called “kókosbolla.” I love that shit.
Make sure to get the expensive toilet
paper because your tuckus will thank
you later. Lines at the register are ag-
gressive and be prepared to fight your
way out – you’ll regret not buying some
bjúgu and using them like nunchuks.
- RAGNAR EGILSSON
A Bareknuckle Trolley Ride
Through Iceland’s Supermarkets
You are riding a blue light of compassion after communicating with the crystal flower at the bottom of the
crawling man-lake of Ungh-Fwak. You have travelled the maggot wastes of Khwæ-lak as the three red suns
licked the blisters on your shoulders. With nothing but the last of the kwa-koo roots to sustain you and the
caterpillar men fast on your heels, you pray to the thousand-elbowed god that commands Tau Boötis x. What
are those strange lights ahead?