Reykjavík Grapevine - 10.05.2013, Blaðsíða 4

This app is silly,
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/iceland-
app-warn-hookup-relative-200939264.
html. You Vikings are all so closely related
that you can do organ transplants between
total strangers without anti-rejection drugs.
DEP
Hey there DEP,
People have certainly scoffed at the
anti-incest app and how much interna-
tional media attention it got because of
course nobody really accidentally sleeps
with their relative here, at least not that
we or anybody we know knows of (read
more on page 6). But you’re saying that
it’s silly because we’re all a bunch of
incestuous Vikings and no app in this
world will help us? Jeez, thanks!
Maybe you’re right though, who
knows. The Icelandic writer and film-
maker Andri Snær Magnason recently
said that being an Icelander is like hav-
ing a mentally retarded Siamese twin.
He was expressing dissatisfaction over
the recent parliamentary election results,
which saw The Progressive Party and
The Independence Party winning the
greatest number of seats (read more on
page 8). However, he immediately regret-
ted using the term “mentally retarded” in
a derogatory fashion. He really meant to
say “foolish” or “silly.”
Best,
RGV
How are you??Just hoping this email
reaches you well, I'm sorry for this emer-
gency but I just have to let you know my
present predicament. My family and I
made an urgent trip to United Kingdom.
Everything was fine until we were at-
tacked on our way back to the hotel, no-
body was hurt but we lost money, bank
cards, mobile phones and my bag in the
course of this attack. I immediately con-
tacted my bank in order to block my cards
and also made a report at the nearest po-
lice station. I've been to the embassy and
they are helping me with my documenta-
tion so i can fly out but I'm urgently in
need of some money to pay for my hotel
bills and my flight ticket home, will pay
back as soon as i get back home.

Kindly let me know if you would be able
to help me out so I can forward you the
details required for a wire transfer.
Best regards,
lolita
OH COME ON, LOLITA. DO YOU RE-
ALLY THINK THE GRAPEVINE IS
GOING TO FALL FOR THAT ONE?
ICELANDS BEST KEPT SECRET
After having experiencing the most
amazing holiday I've ever been on and af-
ter almost getting arrested at the airport
for smuggling Iceland’s Best Kept Secret
I guess I'd better come clean and share
it with you...although a full day bobbing
around in the steaming silica waters of
The Blue Lagoon was just as hair raising
as the magical rainbow waterfalls, the
geothermal power stations, the mental
lava landscape and the bonkers glacier
floating icebergs, non of these left my
hair feeling as dry as a bone and as frizzy
as a frizzy thing. (I looked like Bridget
Jones after she had driven to the hotel for
a 'mini break' with Hugh Grant)
So imagine my surprise to discover
that pouring a bottle of the most delicious
Icelandic Egils Malt Extrakt alcohol free
beer type drink all over my hair left it in-
stantly softer than a babies bum! It's true!
It is absolutely amazing stuff which has
special magical powers without a shadow
of a doubt. Hence my pathetic (inadver-
tant?) attempt at smuggling it out of the
country... But those eagle eyed customs
fellas were having none of it...pah, jolly
well keep it to yourself then!!!
Thanks for a great cultural bonkers
country with fab people and the nice
hosts in the Hilton Exec Lounge who
'donated' one or two bottles to me in the
name of science!
Yvonne Denton
Wow! Thanks for the tip! How did
you ever think of pouring Egils Malt
Extrakt alcohol free beer type drink
all over your head? Can we print this
secret?
Haha, after yet another mad dash to the free
booze and fill yer boots 6-8 happy hour in
the hilton executive lounge (my mate paid
for the hotel, I'm skint!) I started wonder-
ing what free food would be as good for
my crispy mad hair as that white silica blue
lagoon stuff is for your skin when andy hit
upon malt being allegedly good for your
hair...further inspection of the ingredients
also revealed via spurious translation that
it contains marijuana or hemp (as well as
liquorice) I'm not sure what liquorice does
other than make you 'go' if you eat too much
but if hemp is good enough to use as a con-
ditioner for the likes of The Body Shop,
then it's good enough for me! So now the
secret is out. I'm an unemployed engineer
and always wanted to invent something so
reckon I can tick that off my bucket list.
(just a shame I can't tick northern lights off-
it was too cloudy) Anyway, I'm a rubbish
cook but reckon you should leave it to 'cook'
for at least 10 minutes. Then 'hey presto' a
glossy mane and a passport to be released
into the wilds of iceland again! It's magic! X
--
PS – you can print it. (had to dash off from
last email, because my georgous new boy-
friend just landed in canada for a job in-
terview after a 21 hour flight and had just
texted me before he passes out. It's not ev-
ery day I get woken up by a text from the
other side of the world and an Icelandic edi-
tor! How cool! You work late by the way...
am impressed! Take care. Anybody (who is
normal ish) is welcome to stay at my house
in england by the way. night bless xxx)
Yvonne
Dear Yvonne,
Thank you for all of your emails! For
your Egils Malt Extrakt alcohol free beer
hair miracle solution, for your entertain-
ing story and for your invitation to Eng-
land (though we’re not sure if we would
fit your standard of ‘normal’)!
It’s true, we often work late hours, but
it’s readers like you that make it all worth
it. If you ever make it to Iceland again,
we’ll treat you to some Malt!
Love,
The Grapevine
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