Reykjavík Grapevine - 04.05.2012, Síða 35

Advice | Bad
Disclaimer: This is The Grapevine’s
BAD ADVICE column. It’s where
Nanna árnadóttir answers ques-
tions from our readers about tra-
versing the Icelandic cultural jun-
gle. She is usually nice, but really
rather bad at giving advice…
Dear Nanna,
I’ve been in Iceland about a month now;
I’m not here long term or anything, only
a year. I met a local girl at a party two
weeks back and we went home to-
gether. I’ve met her maybe two or three
times since then, always random in bars
and we slept together every time. Any-
way, I figured we were just casual, after
all we’ve only slept together like a hand-
ful of times, but I’m beginning to get the
impression that she thinks we’re more
serious? Like in a relationship. Is that
normal?
Best,
Confused and Casual
Dear Confused and Casual,
Holy shit, you slept with the same Ice-
landic girl three times in a row? You
guys are basically married now, are you
sure she’s not pregnant? Only joking—
Icelandic people wait three months be-
fore they knock each other up.
In Iceland, girls and boys like to
test drive the merchandise before
they make an informed decision about
whether or not they are genuinely in-
terested in you. This is why the world
calls Icelandic girls (never boys) sluts,
because often girls and boys here sleep
with you before they decide if they can
stand you. Is it normal? It is to us.
If you have found yourself in a situ-
ation where you’ve slept with an Ice-
landic person three times, chances are
you are now in a relationship. This is
because Icelanders don’t really date.
We skip the courtship and go straight
to the relationship, but before you start
hyperventilating, you can just dump
her. You see it works both ways, you
can get together easily but you can
break up easily too. I mean really, let’s
be perfectly honest, she’ll be fine with-
out you. Who do you think you are?
Someone hot? Can I have your num-
ber? I promise I won’t call (lie).
Dear Nanna,
I’m going on holiday with my family to
Iceland in July, I’m queer and I want to
visit a gay club with all those beautiful
Icelandic girls I hear so much about.
Where should I go and is there a chance
Icelandic lesbians will like a butch girl
like me?
Küsse
Butch in Berlin
Dear Butch in Berlin,
Hell yeah Icelandic lesbians love butch
German girls, what’s not to love? I am
a little disconcerted that you are visit-
ing Iceland with your family. You’re not
14 are you? Oh who am I kidding, who
in Iceland wasn’t eating pussy at 14?
Provided you are the age of consent,
I recommend you check out Gay46 on
Hverfisgata. It’s a warm and welcoming
place, I recommend it. Did you know
that lesbians have an STD transmis-
sion rate of like 0.1%? True story! And
an excellent reason to drown yourself
in Icelandic lady juice I add. We taste
like chicken. No only joking, we taste
like pussy.
Kisses!
Nanna
Who should I book with for the The
Golden Circle tour? - J Cox
Dear Cox,
I don’t know. Google it.
Nanna
Hi Nanna
What's the best time of year to visit
Iceland, why, and what's the music like
there at the moment?
Maybe Tourist,
Brisbane, Australia

Dear Maybe Tourist,

The best time to come to Iceland is at
the end of January because that way
you avoid the boring and obvious stuff,
like the midnight sun, New Year’s Eve
and Iceland Airwaves.
Some might tell you that going to
Iceland in January is a mistake but
don’t listen. Airfare is cheaper, hotels
aren’t overbooked, and the locals are
lonelier and looking to fill the empty
hole inside them with rampant bug-
gery. Is there next to no sunlight? Yes.
Is it as cold and grey as a dead polar
bear’s butthole? Also yes. Is it the pe-
riod in which the highest numbers of
tourists die from getting lost in the Ice-
landic wilderness? I don’t know, I don’t
have the statistics to back that up, but
if I were to guess I would say maybe.
As for music, hands down the best in
Iceland right now is the totally straight
Garðar Thór Cortes who has squeezed
out emotionally charged turds songs
like “Hunting High and Low” or “Sac-
rificial Love” and then there’s always
Geir Ólafsson.

Have fun,
Nanna
Got a question for Nanna and need
some bad advice? Email nanna.ar-
nadottir@gmail.com and you might
get an answer published in a future
issue.
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