Reykjavík Grapevine - 27.07.2018, Blaðsíða 64

L IF E , T R AV EL & EN T ER TA INMEN T IN ICEL A ND
Issue 13 × 2018
Jul 27th – Aug 9th
www.grapevine.is
MOUNTAINGUIDES.IS • INFO@MOUNTAINGUIDES.IS • TEL: +354 587 9999
Glacier Walks
& Ice Caves
Call sales office from 08:00 - 20:00
or book online. Kayaking by the Glacier
NEW TOUR
WWW.RSS.IS • +354 497 5000 • INFO@RSS.IS
USB CHARGING
IN EVERY SEAT
IN BUS
AUDIO GUIDE
OPEN 24
HOURS A DAY
PERSONAL
HOST
BOOK YOUR ADVENTURE NOW - AVALABLE ASSISTANCE 24/7
G
UI
DED IN
L A N G U A G
ES
10
GOLDEN
CIRCLE
TOURS
BOOK YOUR ICE CAVE ADVENTURE AT:
WWW.RSS.is/IC
BOOK YOUR SOUTH COAST ADVENTURE AT:
WWW.RSS.is/SC
BOOK YOUR GOLDEN CIRCLE ADVENTURE AT:
WWW.RSS.is/GC
SOUTH
COAST
TOURS
ICE
CAVE
TOURS
DEPARTURES:
ON THE HOUR EVERY HOUR
FROM 8:00 TO 12:00
DEPARTURE:
09:00
DEPARTURE:
07:45
DAY TOURS
WE GUIDE IN 10 LANGUAGES
5.990ISK
PRICE FROM:
9.990ISK
PRICE FROM:
28.990ISK
PRICE FROM:

LAST WORDS
The Icelandic
Power Lesbian
Words: Kimi Tayler Photo: Art Bicnick
Disclaimer: I hate dating. I approach dating a
little like a particular world leader approaches
his presidency; despite some outward confi-
dence, I am insecure, awkward, and ultimate-
ly horrible at my job. I am a terrible lesbian.
Perpetually single at 30, I had a life crisis.
Like any normal adult human, I decided the
best way to increase my chances of finding
a mate was to move to Iceland. Surely my
British accent alone was enough to make me
exotic and interesting? Spoiler alert: Thanks
to tourism, it was not.
I went from dating in a city of 8.7 million
to a town in the east fjords, population 187.
As a lady-gay I am used to a small dating pool.
However, the pool didn’t become so much of a
puddle as a drip, if that. Stretching my Tinder
age range settings to 18-55+, it was still 124km
to the nearest woman interested in women...
and she wasn’t my type.
Not having access to disposable dat-
ing was actually very liberating; I stopped
wearing makeup, shaving my legs and took
up knitting. My skin improved, as did my
self-esteem, and my family all got hats for
Christmas. Happy days.
That is, until I moved to Reykjavík, where
the whole nightmare began again. In Reykja-
vík, anonymity does not exist. Your window
of being mysterious and exotic disappears as
soon as you know one lady-liking lady. Meet
one and you’ve met them all. Even the simple
act of asking someone for an innocent coffee
can be blown out of proportion, and spread
across first the city, then the country, within
minutes.
I learned this valuable lesson after I made
a joke on stage about becoming a cultural
stereotype whilst trying to seduce women
with tea and crumpets. Yes, I had attempted
to do a Bridget Jones with delicious toasted
treats. What had not occurred to me was that
not one, not two, but three of the women I had
used this line on were in the audience.
In the break, I was uncomfortably sand-
wiched between all three. There was certainly
something Dickensian about the situation;
being surrounded by the ghosts of conquests
past, present and yet to come. Obviously, I
went home alone, and remain single with a
freezer full of crumpets.
The quest to become a Power Lesbian con-
tinues.