Reykjavík Grapevine - 19.11.2018, Side 10

The Icelandic team has recently been
going through a bit of an “Empire Strikes
Back” period, with countless injuries and
the loss of a wise elder statesman leading
to some dodgy results. October, however,
felt ripe for the comeback. Will our heroes
prevail? Will someone invent a robot knee
for injured captain Aron? Is the force
strong with Gylfi? Here’s the latest news
from the sparkling heart of the Iceland’s
galaxy of smite.
Drunk ref ruins France
romp
Iceland smited World Champions France
last week in a thrilling 2-2 draw at the
Stade de Roudourou. We were only denied
a famous rout by the visibly drunk referee,
who caved to the teary-eyed home crowd
by awarding France a dubious penalty on
the 90th minute. In a highly competitive
replay of the Euro 2016 quarter final, the
Iceland team was almost at full strength,
with in-form Gylfi Sigurðsson zinging in
passes to hotshot striker Alfreð Finnbo-
gason. But it was Birkir “Horror Hooves”
Bjarnason who opened the scoring, with
powerful old war horse Kári Árnason lash-
ing home a second. In the 90th minute,
after an unlucky own goal made it 1-2 to
Iceland, our defenders leapt like breaching
whales as the France defenders flopped
like flapping mackerel, and the ridiculous
penalty call came. Kylian Mbappe poked
it in to equalise. The whistle went, and
France had clawed back a draw—it was
official. Iceland are as good as the World
Champions. JR
Failure to launch,
despite Alfreð rocket
With such powerful omens emerging,
it seemed that Iceland might be set to
redress the balance against Switzerland—
after a 6-0 away drubbing—in the home
leg of the UEFA Nations League. The game
was hard-fought, with Iceland defending
well and probing the Swiss defence until
half time. In the
second half, amidst
pelting rain so cold
that it was like ice
javelins piercing
the turf, the Swiss
fumbled in a couple
of goals; Iceland
pulled one back
with a jaw-dropping
Alfreð Finnbogason
rocket. Birkir and
Gylfi hit narrowly
wide, to no avail.
Iceland have been
relegated to tier B of
this hard-to-under-
stand new tour-
nament, with only a “for pride” fixture
against Belgium in Brussels remaining on
November 15th. JR
Gylfi’s golden 50
When Keats wrote the immortal line “a
thing of beauty is a joy forever,” we’re
pretty sure he was just back from a peyote
vision quest into the future where he
witnessed Gylfi Sigurðsson’s 50th Premier
League goal. This piece of sublime perfec-
tion came against Leicester. The initial
pass was awkward, but Gylfi deftly dinked
it forward, slicing through the defence in
one slick move and arrowing it into the
top corner from 25 yards like a bolt of Þór’s
lightning. Evertonians have been whining
for a while about Gylfi’s 50 million pound
fee, but this early goal-of-the-season-
contender will hopefully silence them like
so much sticky toffee. JR
Bruce cabbaged; Birkir
gallops on
Birkir Bjarnason’s Aston Villa have been
handed a new lease of life by the gods as
the club’s new board heeded warnings of
plague and pestilence by finally sacking
dour, beleaguered manager Steve Bruce.
The Villans had been on an indifferent run
of form before their clash with Preston
North End on October 2nd, when matters
took a strange turn, and a cabbage was
hurled at Bruce before kick-off. Villa went
2-0 up, had James Chester sent off, then
went 3-2 down only to equalise in stoppage
time, missing a last-gasp penalty to draw
the game. Bruce complained post-match
about being pilloried by the Villa faithful,
and was immediately sent on cabbage-
patch gardening leave and relieved of
his duties. Birkir will now hopefully be
allowed out of the stable to gallop forth
freely under a new regime. GR
Your defence is terrified,
Finnbó’s on fire
Alfreð Finnbogason transcended “Arctic
Fox in the Box” status in the Nations
League by spanking one in from 30-yards-
out in our boys’
valiant 2-1 defeat
against Switzer-
land. Alfreð had
initially received
the ball in an innoc-
uous area and,
in the absence of
forward runners,
decided to cut out
the middleman and
arrow one straight
into the top corner.
T h e A u g s b u r g
hitman has been in
scorching form in
the Bundesliga too,
notching four goals
in two appearances so far this season. In
fact, of players who have scored twice or
more in Germany, his minutes-to-goals
ratio is only bettered by Dortmund’s
super-sub freak Paco Alcácer. Such form
has not gone unnoticed and rumour has
it than France Football are seeking special
dispensation for Alfreð to be included in
this year’s Ballon d’Or. GR
Follow our live-tweets on matchdays
on Twitter at @rvkgrapevine. Iceland
play Switzerland on October 15th at
Laugardalsvöllur, when we will Swiss
roll them into the icy fjord in a blaze
of fiery wrath.
#IcelandSmites
FOOTBALL
Words:
John Rogers &
Greig
Robertsson
Illustration:
Lóa Hlín
Hjálmtýsdóttir
“We were only
denied a famous
win by the visibly
drunk referee, who
caved to the teary-
eyed home crowd
by awarding
France a dubious
penalty.”
Smite To Kill
Official: Iceland as good as World Cup
champs, limp out of Nations League
regardless
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