Reykjavík Grapevine - 19.11.2018, Side 54

54 The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 19— 2018
Remember that time you got drunk
and copyrighted the word ‘Macedo-
nia’ and then got super rich by su-
ing every history textbook that men-
tioned Alexander the Great? No, you
don’t, because that’s absurd. Oh wait,
just kidding, it can happen, and fuck
up your whole life—or, better yet,
your whole country. And better yet
again, it did happen—right here in
Iceland.
So hello, Iceland Foods, super-
market of sadness. Welcome to your
tape.
Capitalist pigs
Here’s the deal. In 1100, the country
of Iceland was settled. Years later,
in 1970, some bullshit Brits created
the supermarket Iceland Foods and
trademarked the name Iceland in the
entirety of Europe. First question:
How drunk was the guy who allowed
someone to trademark the name of a
country?
Anyway, because the supermar-
ket is run by capitalist Viking-haters,
they’ve since used their trademark
to wreak havoc on Icelandic compa-
nies and even the Icelandic tourism
board. For instance, Icelandic fish
exporters cannot put the word Ice-
land on their fish packages as that is
apparently violating the trademark.
Travel companies are having worse
problems with advertising the coun-
try because, yes, apparently if you
use the word ‘Iceland’ in your mar-
keting, people will easily be confused
and arrive in our beautiful country
looking to find groceries rather than
waterfalls.
EU? Ew!
It gets worse. Because this is happen-
ing in the EU, it is apparently going to
take years to work out the trademark
dispute. Yes, that’s right, years. And
you wonder why Brexit happened?
Just imagine if we trademarked
the term Grapevine and then sued
the bejesus out of anyone who played
Marvin Gaye at their wedding. Wait—
that’s actually quite an idea we just
leaked. We had better trademark it
fast.
CITY SHOT by Art Bicnick
WAR OF THE NERDS
Iceland Vs.
Iceland
The World Cup of idiocy
Words:
Hannah Jane
Cohen
Photo:
Iceland
StoreWELL, YOU ASKED
Just Some
Mayo In
The Matrix
Words: Claudia Schultz
Why do millenials hate
mayonnaise so much? -AJ
Where to start. First of all, isn’t
mayonnaise one of the blandest
cond i ments i mag i nable? Maybe
millennials just generally don’t like
food that looks like that. Or maybe it’s
all those super hipster no-gluten-no-
dairy-no-identity sauce eaters. Plus,
ketchup is a religion.
Why are we in the Matrix? -TR
Dude, I have no idea. But whatever
you’re taking, I want it. If, however,
you are not on some special red or blue
substance, let’s cut to the chase. We
are in the Matrix because it’s a pretty
decent place. I mean sure, the world
sucks in many ways, but people are
just too dimwitted to try to make their
way out of the Matrix. Don’t be like
everyone, get out!
But is she into me though? -LL
If you have to ask, then probably not.
Sorry. Are you an asshole? If yes, she
probably found someone better. Are
you genuinely nice and always agree
to everything she says? She probably
doesn’t want a sissy like you. Would
you say that you’re a pretty neat guy?
How about you just ask her. In the
words of the great twentieth century
poet George W. Bush, it’s not rocket
surgery.

Send your unsolvable (UNTIL NOW)
problems to editor@grapevine.is or
tweet us at @rvkgrapevine.
See the dfifference?
Season of flying umbrellas is open!
“Your first and last stop”