Reykjavík Grapevine - 01.02.2019, Page 54

54 The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 02— 2019
WAR OF THE NERDS
Chess Nerds
And The Drug-
Knights That
Say Ni!
What happens when drug-knights send
a package to a chess federation? Well, the swat
team shows up.
Words: Valur Grettisson Photo: GAS
It’s safe to say that the Icelandic
nation was in shock when the
president of the Icelandic Chess
Federation was arrested after
special forces burst into their
headquarters in January last year.
Shortly after the bust, the po-
lice issued a statement that the
president was in no way a suspect
in a complicated drug import
scheme that the narcs had been
following for some time. The po-
lice had tracked a package with
amphetamines that was sent to
the federation. In the package,
they found chess pieces filled
with drugs.
Three men were arrested in
the days that followed. One of
them — wait for it — was pinched
at a bar appropriately called the
Hvíti Riddarinn (White Knight)
in Mosfellsbær. Somewhat like
the band of knights that say Ni,
the gang was looking for their
shrubbery (drugs?) when they
were arrested.
The president of the chess
federation, Gunnar Björnsson,
said in a radio interview with the
national broadcaterRÚV that he
received a phone call from DHL
informing him that his chess
pieces arrived. Gunnar said that
he knew that they didn’t order
anything, but the delivery was
paid in full, so Gunnar accepted
the package. It was when he was
opening the mysterious package
that the swat team broke down
his door and Gunnar found him-
self staring down the barrel of a
gun.
“I’m just glad that our 67-year-
old secretary wasn’t opening the
package when they came,” he
said in the interviews following
the bust, adding that it was just
dumb luck that there were no
children in the house when the 14
swat members came screaming
into the headquarters.
Again, Gunnar is a completely
innocent bystander here. The
real perpetrators, Há kon Örn
Berg mann, Jóhann Axel Viðars-
son and presumed ringleader
Sig urður Krist ins son, are cur-
rently on trial in what the media
has dubbed the “chess federation
case.” Sentencing is expected in
the next few weeks, barring any
surprise gambit.
CITY SHOT by Art Bicnick
WELL, YOU ASKED
Only One Nine-
Year-Old Child
Welcome
Words: Hannah Jane Cohen
Am I a bad environmentalist if I
desire nothing more than warm baby
puke upon my bosom?
Well, technically, yes. Humans are a
plague and the environmental toll of
having one child adds up to around 58.6
tonnes of carbon each year. That’s a lot.
Deforestation, plastic waste, mining—
all are the result of your puking spawn,
you selfish bitch.
That said, if you and your baby
daddy have only one kid together, you
are doing your part to decrease the
human population by 50%, which is
a good thing. My advice? Have one
kid and together, we can all work to
offset Mormon couples relentlessly
reproducing to populate their celestial
kingdoms.
Am I a bad feminist for wanting
nothing more than to be a housewife?
Damn, I assume you are the same
person who asked the prev ious
question. You’ve got issues. But on
the downlow, all women want to be
housewives. It means we don’t have
to work. Thus, aspire to marry a rich
woman/man and spend your time on
floral design and watching ‘The West
Wing.’ Talk about a celestial kingdom!
Is Sweden even a thing anymore?
What have they even done since
Basshunter?
Sweden is lame. They’ve def gone
downhill ever since the reign of Charles
XII, of whom we at the Reykjavík
Grapevine are big fans. That said,
there’s Eric from ‘True Blood,’ Robyn,
Sabaton and PewDiePie. They’re all
solid, especially the latter, to whose
YouTube channel you should subscribe
at this exact moment. Do your part.

Send your unsolvable (UNTIL NOW)
problems to editor@grapevine.is or
tweet us at @rvkgrapevine.
Check, mate
That's dedication
“Your first and last stop”