Reykjavík Grapevine - 01.03.2019, Blaðsíða 50

50 The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 03— 2019
WAR OF THE NERDS
Iceland Solves
the Israeli-
Palestinian
Conflict
Boycotting Eurovision and the unexpected re-
demption of Hatari.
Words: Valur Grettisson Photo: Hatari
If there is something holier than
Christmas in Iceland, it would
probably be Eurovision. Our read-
ers know this. Icelanders go com-
pletely berserk over the annual
song contest. The whole nation
literally convinces themselves—
like some otherworldly collective
delusion—that this year, we will
conquer this odd spectacle that
can only be characterized as the
flashiest cultural shitshow on
earth. Well, except the Oscars,
perhaps.
But this year, Icelanders are
facing a moral dilemma. Israel
won the 2018 competition with
Netta’s hilariously bad song,
"Toy"— the offspring of Japanese
cultural appropriation and the
sound that chickens make when
a fox enters their pen. Still con-
fused? Well, that’s Eurovision for
you.
Close to 30,000 Icelanders (and
some foreigners) have signed a
petition urging the Icelandic Na-
tional Broadcast (RÚV) to boycott
the festival because of the war
crimes that the Israeli govern-
ment has been accused of com-
mitting against the Palestinian
nation.
RÚV ignored this petition and
will select Iceland’s contribution
to the competition a few days af-
ter this issue goes to print. Ice-
landers had never seen a problem
with Israel’s participation in the
competition until they won. So Is-
rael can participate, but not win,
according to the logic of the pro-
testers. Well, whatever keeps the
Eurovision party going.
The Icelandic competition of-
fers an unexpected redemption
for the rest of us. Cybergoth band
Hatari (‘Haters’) have swept the
qualifiers and are likely to win the
chance to represent Iceland in Tel
Aviv. (Keep in mind, this article
was written before the final com-
petition, so who knows what’s in
store.) Hatari’s hilariously nihil-
ist approach has given Icelanders
an opportunity to send a subtle—
well, as subtle as a song called
‘Hatred Will Prevail’ can be—po-
litical message to the competition
and introduce some saucy BDSM
at the same time. Sounds like a
win-win for everyone. Except Pal-
estinians, of course.
But no matter what happ ens,
Iceland will compete in Eurovi-
sion, and we will definitely lose,
and the Israeli government will
keep on supporting settlements
in the West Bank. Because Euro-
vision doesn't achieve anything,
except flooding our radio once a
year with bad music.
CITY SHOT by Art Bicnick
WELL, YOU ASKED
Your problems,
our solutions
Words: Andie Fontaine
Hey Grapevine, can we have a ruling
here on the literal/cultural translation
for “parking the bus”? Thanks, guys.
Keep on #SmitingTheWorld. - Kevin
Duska Jr., via Twitter.
First, thanks, smite we will. Second,
the translation would be “að leggjast í
vörn.” Literally, it means “to lie in the
defense.” Figuratively, it means “the
greatest and most awesome football
strategy of all time.” No sight inspires
confidence in the Icelandic football
supporter quite like seeing seven men
take on a solitary striker. Works every
time.
Often times when I try speaking
Icelandic with an Icelander, they will
answer me in English, even if I kept
speaking Icelandic to them. How can
I get them to answer me in Icelandic?
Should I even bother? - DN
Getting Icelanders to accept you
enough to reply to you in Icelandic is
definitely the toughest part of learning
the language. I personally use a three-
strikes rule: I respond in Icelandic
twice, but if I’m responded to back in
English after that, I respond with, “Er
ég ekki að tala íslensku við þig?” This
usually does the trick. Just be sure the
person in question is an Icelander, and
not a foreigner who doesn’t even know
Icelandic. Because that’s embarrassing.

Send your unsolvable (UNTIL NOW)
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We hope they'll tackle Trump after capitalism and Eurovision
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