Reykjavík Grapevine - 27.09.2019, Qupperneq 10

After millenia of scorching heat, a
biting cold has engulfed Qatar. Aron
Gunnarsson’s relentless typhoon of
destruction has the nation quaking in
its boots, with scores of the popula-
tion declaring their allegiance to Al
Arabi just to avoid his wrath. But in
his absence, the iron fist ruling over
Europe has unclenched. Drained of
energy, Gylfi and Jói have been ordered
to recharge, with the remaining horde
forced to pick up the slack. Here’s how
they fared in recent weeks:
Aron and Heimir’s
EXTREMELY well-oiled
machine
Tony Blair and George Bush’s mouths
were frothing when they heard
murmurings of a weapon of mass
destruction in the Middle East. But, to
their disappointment, it was actually
real–found in Qatar, in the form of Stars
League toppers, Al Arabi. Commanded
by former Iceland coach, Heimir Hall-
grímsson, The Red Devils have excelled
this season, thanks mainly to the
summer addition of Aron Gunnars-
son. The bearded beheader has already
scored twice for his new club, who duel
with third-placed Al Sadd on Septem-
ber 27th.
PL warlords enter
early hibernation
During a recent summoning to
Valhalla, Gylfi Sigur!sson and Jóhann
Berg Gu!mundsson were ordered to
conserve their energy for next month’s
crunch EURO qualifiers against France
and Andorra. All told, Ó!inn’s decrees
made for a drab weekend in the English
Premier League, in which the former
sent a spirit in his place to Everton’s
0-2 home defeat to Sheffield United,
and the latter sought shelter in his
rúgbrau! bunker to avoid selection
for Burnley’s 2-0 smiting of Norwich.
As part of his gruelling subterranean
strength and conditioning program,
Jói is obliged to consume 18 loaves of
the good stuff per day. Yikes.
Earth to scorch for Rúnar
despite United defeat
Rúnar Már Sigurjónsson’s Astana FC
narrowly missed out on a famous scalp
in their Europa League opener against
Manchester United at Old Trafford.
Though the Kazakh champions were
eventually cut open by a slaloming
Mason Greenwood run and finish, they
can take plenty of positives from the 1-0
defeat into their remaining first-round
fixtures against Partizan Belgrade and
AZ Alkmaar. No doubt the Eurasian
giants will be looking for inspiration
from their Icelandic number 10 to give
them a chance of smiting a Champions
League reject in the knockouts.
Another civil war brews
But Rúnar Már’s success could come to
the detriment of our boys starlet Albert
Gudmundsson, whose Alkmaar side
secured a 2-2 away draw against Parti-
zan in Group L. They face United next
and will be overtaken by the Kazakhs if
they fail to win and Astana secure all
three points against Partizan at home.
The last thing the national team needs
is a fight to the death for the runner
up spot, so Erik Hamrén has ordered
team doctors to remove the pair’s teeth
during the next international break.
Finnbo fit and firing
It’s no secret that FC Augsburg’s flirta-
tions with the relegation zone becomes
an all-out dry hump when Alfre! Finn-
bogason is on the treatment table. And
this season is no different. Finnbo
bagged a crucial assist in the Bavari-
ans’ only win of the season: a 2-1 felling
of Eintracht Frankfurt. To retain their
Bundesliga status, Augsburg will be as
reliant as ever on the Icelandic hitman.
For now, they sit in 11th place.
Follow our live-tweets on Euro quali-
fication matchdays on Twitter at @
rvkgrapevine. Iceland's march to
the Euro 2020 trophy will continue
throughout 2019.
VONARSTRÆTI !
"#" REYKJAVÍK
IDNORVK.IS
MATHÚS, VI!BUR!IR, SKAPANDI VINNUR"MI
RESTAURANT, EVENTS, CREATIVE WORKSPACES
#IDNORVK
THE WATERSIDE TERRACE
AT I!NÓ. ‘FOOD AND DRINKS
WITH A SPLASH OF SUNSHINE’
#IcelandSmites 10 The Reykjavík GrapevineIssue 17— 2019
Qatar Bows, Tyrants
Froth, Ó!inn Rages
& More
Commanded by former Iceland coach, Heimir Hall!rímsson,
The Red Devils have excelled this season

TV GODDESS

Archibald's
Next Big
Thing

I have around 38 years of cartoon
watching under my belt. I never
stopped watching cartoons, even
when most people my age moved
onto other things. When I first heard
Eric Cartman’s voice in ‘South Park,’ I
had trouble breathing from laugh-
ing. When I came to, I spent a long
time trying to perfect my Cartman
impression. My older sister was
not a fan of my constant stream
of Simpson’s quotes. I remember
the Cartoon Network’s 90s revival;
it was glorious. Now I have a kid, so
I can compare my cartoon watch-
ing habits to those of a child who
doesn’t always share my taste.
A few Saturday mornings ago I
was a big ol’ duvet larva, dozing on
and off on the couch. My son was
wielding the remote when the im-
age of a heretofore unknown yellow
chicken overtook the screen.
“Shit, this looks boring,” I thought
to myself. As a rule, I try not to im-
pose my negative opinions onto my
heir because I don’t want to taint
his personal pop-culture taste
buds. So I said nothing.
Then an amazing thing hap-
pened: this yellow chicken, the titu-
lar Archibald, turned out to be lovely
and fun and voiced by the one and
only Tony Hale—Buster from ‘Arrest-
ed Development!’ I can’t think of a
better voice for this happy chicken
constantly embarking on zany ad-
ventures.
The series is also created by
Hale, and it was so fun that we
binged watched until our eyes were
sore. It’s silly and positive, funny
and delightful. The only negative
thing I can say is that Archibald has
three siblings and only one of them
is a girl—a very smart girl. Cartoons
need more girls and I would love if
some of them were dumb. LH
FOOTBALL
Words:
Greig
Robertson
Illustration:
Lóa Hlín
Hjálmt!sdóttir