Reykjavík Grapevine - 25.10.2019, Blaðsíða 40

L IF E , T R AV EL & EN T ER TA INMEN T IN ICEL A ND
Issue 19 ! 2019
Oct 25th—Nov 7th
www.grapevine.is
LAST WORDS
In Defence Of Faramir
Words: Hannah Jane Cohen
There are but two individuals who held the
Ring of Power and willingly yeeted it off to
another sucker: Bilbo Baggins and Samwise
Gamgee. Other than that, there’s the some-
what flamboyant Tom Bombadil, who was
seemingly unaffected by and uninterested
in the ring, and Galadriel and Gandalf, who
were seduced by its power but had the pres-
ence of mind to refuse it.
However, there was another being—
a MAN, no less—who had Isilidor’s Bane
within his grasp but refused it instantly and
kept his vow. Unfortunately, no one remem-
bers him because he’s not that hot and he
was kind of sensitive. Yeah, remember Far-
amir? Don’t lie. You don’t because he didn’t
kill an elephant in one go or fuck an elf prin-
cess. He’s forgotten, but he shouldn’t be. So
here you go Faramir: Welcome to your tape.
Let’s go back: During a skirmish in Ithil-
ien, our dreamy Steward’s son found Frodo
and Sam and took them hostage in Henneth
Annûn. Faramir’s a perceptive dude, and
had previously had dreamy premonitions of
a hobbit carrying the ring, so he basically in-
stantly knew who Frodo and Sam were and
what they had. This was his moment to seize
power and turn it from Gondor to Farador—
something any lesser man, and 100% you,
whoever is reading this, would do.
See, while his stupid brother Boromir
wanted to take the ring to Gondor and give
it to his idiotic father, Faramir was smart.
And even though his father clearly thought
he was lame, Faramir didn’t grovel for his
father’s respect, instead proclaiming, rather
eloquently: “I would not take this thing, if it
lay by the highway. Not were Minas Tirith
falling in ruin and I alone could save her, so,
using the weapon of the Dark Lord for her
good and my glory.” How’s that for a speech?
So in conclusion, we’re close to Hallow-
een, and while people all around the world
will be donning elf ears, Fellowship cloaks,
and carrying around a staff, there are few
who will put on some ornate leather to adopt
the likeness of our young soldier of Gondor.
This is a tragedy—perhaps on the same level
as global warming—and we will not stand
for it. Faramir deserves better. Especially
considering he was almost burned alive—
something we will probably all relate to in
the near future, should Greta Thunberg fail
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