Reykjavík Grapevine - nov 2021, Qupperneq 31

HORROR!SCOPES
Your Star
Si!n’s Spirit
Cocktail
The stars aren’t the only thing getting lit tonight.
Words: Desir"i Thompson & Reett" Huht"
Need some insight on which drink
to order to appease your astro-
logical inclinations? We’ve got you
covered.
Aries
It’s always a race with you, Aries,
so of course you’re going to want
a drink that gets you to the fin-
ish line as fast as possible. Ask
the bartender for a Long Island
Iced Tea, just keep in mind that
being the drunkest person at the
club isn’t always a victory.
Taurus
Being the most sensual of the
signs, your drink is basically
anything with St. Germain. The
soothing aroma of this distin-
guished elderflower liqueur will
imperceptibly transfer you into
that relaxing, serene place you
long for.
Gemini
Since there are never enough
hours in a day for a busy bee like
you, a Jägerbomb is your only op-
tion. Just admit it, you need your
booze mixed with Red Bull.

Cancer
Hemingway was an archetypal
Cancer. Celebrate being in good
company with his famous drink,
Death in the Afternoon. Pour a
jigger of absinthe into a glass of
champagne and, as he suggests,
“drink three to five of these slow-
ly.”
Leo
The most attention-seeking
of the signs, Leo, your spirit
cocktail is literally anything on
fire. If the bartender pulls out
a long match and lights up that
libation, this is the drink for you.
It’s a show we’ve rolled our eyes
at a thousand times before. Just
like you.
Virgo
You’re far too practical to order
a fancy cocktail. Beer is your
beverage of choice. Stick to the
good old lager, trusted to get you
going slowly but surely.
Libra
It’s no surprise that Libra is the
cocktail most in need of the per-
fect balance–the classic daiquiri.
The most common bartender’s
test, its simple ingredients only
become elevated when they meet
a perfect equilibrium in the
glass. Cheers!
Scorpio
Do you feel misunderstood by
the other signs? Does it seem like
sometimes they just don’t get
you? Well, here’s a glass of Ka-
limotxo—red wine mixed with
coke—to soothe your annoyance.
Sagittarius
Always on the quest for spiritual
awakening, there’s no better drink
for a Sag than the fabled green
muse–absinthe. Sipped by some
of the most acclaimed artists in
history, this spirit is for you. C’est
la vie!
Capricorn
Yeah yeah, we get it. You’re too
responsible and self-controlled
to get wasted. Drink your mock-
tail in peace.
Aquarius
Aquarius, the mystical healers
and humanitarians of the signs.
Corpse reviver is your drink of
choice, obviously.

Pisces
You’re a wreck, Pisces. Naturally
you’re going to want a drink
that is as much of an emotional
roller coaster as you are, so have
a shot (or seven) of tequila. You’ll
either dance the night away, cry
over your ex’s Instagram or try
to fight the bouncer. Maybe all
three.
WELL, YOU ASKED
QAnon, Hot dogs
and Trapped

Words: Andie Sophia Fontaine
Got a burning question that needs an-
swering? We give absolutely terrible ad-
vice, but since you keep asking, we’ll keep
answering.
I’m going home for Thanksgiving
and am dreading having to spend
a four-day weekend with my anti-
vax, QAnon supporting uncle. What
should I do?
We often say in the queer community
that the best, closest family you can
have is the one you choose for yourself.
I feel this applies to everyone—no one
is obliged to hang out with relatives
that they can’t stand. However, if you
must spend four days with this guy, the
best strategy is to pick arguments with
him. Get loud. Hurt feelings. Absolutely
ruin Thanksgiving. It’s a bullshit holi-
day anyway, and you can guarantee that
no one will invite you back ever again.
Are the hot dogs at Bæjarins Bestu
really worth waiting in line for an
hour?
As this hot dog stand is literally right
next to our offices, I feel obliged to say
yes, they are. But did you know you can
have that same BB goodness at home?
Just buy a pack of Sláturfélag Su!ur-
lands hot dogs and simmer them in a
mixture of water, beer and beef bouil-
lon for like an hour. You can even buy
all the same condiments in the grocery
store. DIY baybee!
Trapped gives me the impression
that Iceland is a very dangerous
place. Is this true?
No country is completely safe of course,
but Iceland is a lot safer than most.
That’s why we keep writing crime nov-
els and making crime TV series—we
want this material to give us an air of
danger and intrigue, like some myste-
rious bad boy you went to high school
with who never actually committed any
crimes, but still maintained that men-
acing front.
31The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 11— 2021
CITY SHOT by John Pearson
When is enough, enough?