Reykjavík Grapevine - Mar 2022, Page 10

10 The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 03— 2022
What even is a role model?
Eliza is quick to point out that “role
model” does not necessarily mean
someone at the top of their field,
widely known on a national or even
international level.
"I think we're all role models,”
she says. “We're not all internation-
ally known or nationally known, but
we're known to people. We're known
to our families, we're known to our
friendship group, to our workplaces
and places of worship. We can have a
positive impact there, or we can have
a negative impact there. If there's one
message that comes across, I want it to
be that we can all make a difference, in
small ways and in big ways.
“We also need to speak up and
elevate other people's voices. I think
speaking up also encourages other
people to come forward. It's so often
that we might think 'why am I going
to say this when no one else has expe-
rienced this, or done this, and I'm just
complaining'.
“I feel reluctant even talking about
this given how privileged I am. But
when I read this piece in the New York
Times about the strange role of being
the First Lady—in which I wasn't
complaining about the incredible
honour and privilege it is to serve in
this capacity—but more just to draw
attention to some of the preconcep-
tions that people have about being
identified primarily as somebody's
spouse.
“After I wrote the story—which I
hadn't told anybody I was going to do
except my husband—the night before
it was going to air I couldn't sleep. I
thought 'why did I do this? People are
just going to complain about me, I'm
just asking for trouble'.
“And yet the feedback was so posi-
tive because, while not that many
people end up married to a head of
state, a great many people are married
to someone who is professionally or
otherwise better known than they are,
which makes them known primarily in
some instances known as someone's
spouse. A lot of people could relate to
that, and it showed me, at least, that
I shouldn't be nervous about speak-
ing up about something because some
person I've never met before might
possibly criticise me."
Don’t read the comments
Naturally, there is still a lot of room to
grow when it comes to gender equality
in Iceland. Any woman who has ever
dared share an opinion about anything,
in a public space is likely very familiar
with the shocking amount of pushback
you can get for being A Woman With
Opinions Online.
"As I pointed out in the book, women
face a disproportionate amount of
vitriol for any kind of comment that
they make online,” Eliza says. “An exam-
ple I used is this woman who made a
very rapid comment about going to this
town in the north of Iceland and didn't
like it. She didn't recommend it, and
however it was worded, she was met
with just all kinds of threats and alle-
gations that she reported to the police,
they were so severe. I don't think that
would've happened if she had been a
man."
Room for improvement extends
beyond the comment sections of
articles too, of course, and few things
underline that as much as the #MeToo
movement. In the Grapevine’s previous
cover story, we interviewed podcaster
and activist Edda Falak, who pointed
out that people erroneously talk about
“new waves” in the movement when,
to her, this is a continuous effort to
fight sexual violence. Eliza very much
agrees.
"Of course there's room for
improvement,” she says. “I am an opti-
mistic person, and I always want to
look on the bright side. I see all these
stories coming forward in the #MeToo
movement and I see people saying 'oh
my goodness, when will it end?' I hope
it ends in the sense that these situa-
tions aren't happening anymore. But
people are feeling more comfortable
with coming forward now, and that's a
good thing. I want people to feel more
comfortable sharing their experi-
ences."
Allies wanted
While the role that allies play when it
comes to marginalised groups gain-
ing hard-won freedoms is sometimes
overstated, allyship is indisputably
an important part of that fight. Eliza
recognises this when it comes to
gender equality as well.
"Having a lot of men support the
idea of gender equality has been
very important for how much we've
achieved to date in this country,”
she says. “Absolutely people who
are committing crimes or doing bad
things need to be called out, but there
are a lot of male allies and men who are
doing good things in this battle as well.
I think we also need flexibility and an
openness for people to make mistakes.”
This leads to her bringing up an
example within the subject of trans
liberation.
“When you talk about the trans
community, for example, when we
had a trans writer at the last Icelandic
Writers Retreat, Ivan Coyote, they were
talking about the use of pronouns,”
she says. “Because a friend of mine
misused their pronouns and was
apologising profusely. Ivan said 'Look,
I know when someone just makes a
mistake, rather than when someone is
deliberately choosing to ignore some-
one's preferred form of address.' I just
remember this, because there was this
nervousness like 'I hope they don't
think this means that I'm transphobic
because I'm not.' But this also shows
a position of privilege, that is this my
greatest concern, that I might for one
moment feel this guilt that I've used
the wrong pronoun, rather than face
misgendering 24/7? I think it's indica-
tive of cis peoples' privilege."
Eliza is also quick to correct herself
when others present her with new
perspectives. She recounts having
given a speech on parental leave in
Iceland, following which Eva María
from Pink Iceland pointed out that she
could have said "one parent gets three
months, the other gets three months"
instead of saying "mother" and
"father". Eliza accepted the suggestion
readily, saying, "I always think of this,
because it's just the simplest thing and
so easy to fix.”
You don’t have to be a
chef to love to cook
One of Eliza’s best-known projects is
the Icelandic Writers Retreat, a work-
shop for writing typically held once a
year in Iceland. While they had to go
virtual last year, Eliza and the other
organisers fully plan on holding it
in person this year, from April 27th
through May 1st.
She quickly points out that this is
not just an event for professional writ-
ers, nor even for those hoping to write
for a living.
"The inspiration for the Icelandic
Writer's Retreat was to be inclusive, in
the sense that we didn't want people to
feel as though they had to audition, or
to qualify to attend,” she says. “I like to
say it's like, if you like to cook, and you
go to Thailand for a week and take a
cooking class. You might be a Michelin-
star chef, or you might be someone
who likes to tinker in the kitchen. You
both learn something, because you're
both in a new location, and you both
have the same passion. And it works.
We get people who are full time writ-
ers, we get people who are writing in
a professional context, people who
are trying to break into the world of
mainstream publishing, people who
have no ambitions to publish anything
but tinker in their diary, or are work-
ing on a memoir for their family. We
don't focus on the business of writing;
we don't have classes on how to get an
agent, or how to get published. It's just
about the craft of writing."
Trying not to be a politician
Like being president, Eliza sees being
First Lady as being a unifying figure for
the country; focusing more on ideals
and goals rather than the politicisation
thereof. It’s a line that needs to be trod-
den carefully, but one that Eliza follows
with a simple goal in mind.
"I acknowledge that I'm not only
not a politician; I feel like I ought to
deliberately not wade into the specifi-
cally political fray,” she says. “One of
the things that I think is great about
Iceland is I'm writing a book about
gender equality, and it's not a super-
sensitive issue here. I couldn't avoid
talking to any political people, but I
tried to be diverse in terms of their
backgrounds and not be specific about
any parties.
“I don't have a grand national vision
for the country. I just hope that I can
do my part to make our society a better
place for everyone."
“I see all these stories coming forward in the
MeToo movement and I see people saying
'oh my goodness, when will it end?' I hope it
ends in the sense that these situations aren't
happening anymore.”