Reykjavík Grapevine - 07.01.2011, Blaðsíða 4

Say your piece, voice
your opinion, send
your letters to:
letters@grapevine.is
4
Letters
Sour grapes
and stuff MOST AWESOME LETTERSome excellent music from our good friends at Kimi Records
What's better than starting your New Year off with some new music for your stereo? Nothing,
that's what. Well, maybe a free case of beer is slightly better, but we don't have any of those
to give away at the moment, so this issue's MOST AWESOME LETTER WRITER will have to
settle for some new, free music.
Yes, our prize for sending in awesome letters this month is two whole CDs of music,
graciously donated by our friends at Kimi Records. Whoever wrote that letter may pick up his
or her prize at the Havarí store in Austurstræti. He or she can choose any two records from
the growing Kimi catalogue (browse it at www.havari.grapewire.net) and just sort of grab
them from whatever friendly Havarí record store clerk is working when they get there.
Now, if you're in the market for free goodies next month, write us some sort of letter. Give us
your worst: letters@grapevine.is
MOST AWESOME LETTER:
I am not a professional potographer. I
really wanted to come to Iceland and
take picture. I had tried to speak with
NASA, but could not get through to
anyone. I also visited with the Univer-
sity of Houston and could get anyone to
communicate with me. I visited a li-
brary and they were vague. I wanted to
be able to get close and take alot of pic-
ture of your land. The pictures taken
were really beautiful.

Kindest Regards,

Vickie E. Null
Dear Vickie,
thank you for your letter. We must con-
fess, we do not fully understand it, but
the fact that you, an amateur photog-
rapher, would have been willing to not
only come to Iceland for the sake of tak-
ing only one photo of Iceland, but also
spoke to NASA and the University of
Houston to try to make the dream hap-
pen is impressive enough in its sheer
audacity. Motherfucking NASA, for
Christ’s sake. We imagine the conver-
sation must have gone something like
this:
NASA: “Hi, welcome to the National
Aeronautics and Space Association,
how may I help you?”
Vickie: “Good day. I am not a profes-
sional photographer, but I would really
like to take a picture of Iceland. You will
help me do this.”
NASA: “I’m… sorry, ma’m, but that re-
ally isn’t our department-“
Vickie: “Your petty excuses do not con-
cern me. You will get me to Iceland, or
I will teach you the meaning of pain.”
NASA: “Ma’m, I’m afraid I’m going
to have to ask you to le- oh, God, your
eyes... no, please, please… I’ll do any-
thing you want… hold on, let me get
the project chief for Faster-Than-Light
travel on the phone, he should be able
to help you.”
Vickie: “Good, goooood.”
NASA: “Ma’m, I’m… sorry, sir, but he’s
not picking up. I can’t get through to
anyone.”
Vickie: “Damn.”
We hope you do eventually get here.
Your picture would be badass. It would
be the only picture ever displayed of
Iceland. It would be on stamps, license
plates and tattooed on the President’s
ass. In the meantime, enjoy your free
CDs, for you, sir or madam, are awe-
some, and we are awarding with our
MOST AWESOME LETTER AWARD.
Hallo together,
I want to report to you an incident
which saddened me quite a lot on the
last day of my Island stay last August.
On August 28th I was on board a boat
for a whalewatching tour off Reykjavik.
It was th last tour of that day and only 19
passengers were on the boat.
On our way back to Reykjavik harbour
I was shocked to watch a crew member
dumping a sack of refuse (what else
could it reasonably contain ?) from the
rear of the boat into the wash.
Unfortunately I was the only one to wit-
ness that, all the other passengers were
elsewhere. The man who dumped the
sack did`nt notice me.
Had I not seen this I would have firmly
denied that a person who lives with and
from the sea and it`s animals could be
able to pollute the element willfully,
just for convenience.
I ponder if this is common and toler-
ated pratice in the trade ? Or was the
individual just too lazy to carry the sack
ashore ? Or was he to save money ?
Sorry for bothering you with this, but
I just had to find somebody to tell this.
Regards and best wishes for Chrismas
and the New Year !
Horst Basermann
Dear Horst,
Hallo together yourself, and we hope
the day finds you well.
This is most upsetting news. We don’t
know why the sailor did what he did.
But what we do know is that sailors are
mysterious people. Very secretive. You
pose the question “what else could it
reasonably contain?” as if it is a given
that sailors only dump refuse. Perhaps
he was dumping drugs. Or hookers. Or
nuns. He might be an Orthodox Chris-
tian. You never know.
A man dumping refuse is a sad sight.
We know of no man to be seen to dump
refuse in an attractive way, or indeed
dumping anything in an attractive way.
While we are aware that attractive men
often dump things (we have seen it on
the television), they never become more
attractive during the physical act of
dumping. It is a fact.
We hope this letter is helpful to you,
also: Happy New Year to you and yours.
Snow can cause a lot of troubles, but
every snowcrystal is a masterpiece of
design. I enclose two snowcrystal pho-
tomicrographs of mine. If you want,
you can use them freely in your snow-
stories/blogs or webside during this
winter. The last photograph won the
second place in world leading micro-
photograph popular vote competition
2010.
www.nikonsmallworld.com/popvote
If you use them, please include the
reference for the first picture: Pekka
Honkakoski, Finland and for the sec-
ond picture: Pekka Honkakoski, Fin-
land, Nikon Small World.
Yours!
Mr. Pekka Honkakoski
Dear Pekka,
Your letter was most inspiring. We do
not traditionally write snowstories, but
in response to your letter and attached
photographs, we have decided to try to
write one:
I had traversed great lengths across
the frigid snow when I first spotted Dr.
Snowdon. I saw him through the snow
as he waded through it, shielding his
face from the blizzard with his snow
gloves.
“A fine day for so much snow,” he said,
snow covering his snow-white beard as I
dismounted from my snowmobile.
“Yes, I was expecting sleet, myself, but,
as they say, any day has the potential to
be a fine snow day.”
“Indeed,” he replied, and I noticed the
black wrinkles in his snow suit gave
him the appearance of an anthropomor-
phic snow leopard. “I say, is that a snow
rif le?”
I hefted the snow-white gun off my
shoulder, unclipping the snow sling
from my snow jacket and handing him
the rif le. He reached for it through the
snow.
“You know, I expected you here sooner,”
he said, brushing snow out of the cham-
ber as I absently made a miniature snow
angel with my snow boot.
“Yes, I’m afraid I was snowed in this
morning.”
“Oh, really? Well, when life hands you
snow…” he began.
“…you make snowballs,” I finished. We
laughed, two old friends in the snow…
…you know what, on second thought,
fuck this. That was probably the worst
story in the entire world. Thanks for the
pictures though.
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