Reykjavík Grapevine - 08.11.2013, Blaðsíða 18

18
The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 1 — 2011
I the undersigned Þórður Magnússon
from Auðsholt deem the ill words that
I spoke about the brothers Guðjón Er-
lendsson from Sviðholt and Magnús
Erlendsson from Gróf, both in Reykjavík
and Árnessýsla county, both whilst drunk
and sober, as meaningless. I confess that
these outrageous comments were com-
pletely without cause or reason. I ask
them to forgive me for my blunder.
Sviðsholt July 5, 1894
Þórður Magnússon from Auðsholt.
Witnesses: Magnús Þorgilsson,
Gísli Þorgilsson.
I withdraw the offensive comments that
I made about my foreman, Jóhann Bjar-
nason, as they were spoken in a bout of
ale-madness [in Icelandic, "ölæði,"], and
I have no desire to attack his integrity.
It should be noted that I was hired as a
deckhand on his ship for the coming
spring, and we have mutually agreed that
my contract shall remain in effect.
Bolungarvík, March 31, 1896
Guðmundur Sölvason
Witnesses:
Sigurg. Bjarnason, Ásgeir Jónsson.
I wholeheartedly agree with the
above written announcement.
Jóhann Bjarnason.
I the undersigned declare that I have apol-
ogised to the merchant Jón A. Mathiesen
from Hafnarfjörður for the injuries I in-
flicted on him when I attacked him, while
drunk and completely out of my mind, in
a shop in Hafnarfjörður on the 27th of
the last month. Likewise do I withdraw all
the abusive things I said to him and the
people who were present, as I would not
like to offend the honourable Jón, who has
always been kind to me, my people, and
our county.
Brú in Hafnarfjörður August 29 1904
Helgi Þórðarson
It’s no secret that Icelanders love drinking
and a good debauched night on the town.
And more than just drinking, Icelanders
love to talk about drinking. Several Face-
book groups serve as a forum for these
stories, the biggest of which is called
“Játningar Af Djamminu” (“Party Con-
fessions”). These tales regularly involve
alcohol-induced shenanigans, black outs
and unexpected romantic encounters. Be-
low are some of the best stories that we’ve
found, translated for your pleasure.
A girl, a pizza place and a tan-
ning bench
Exams were over and I was out celebrat-
ing with friends. By midnight I was really
drunk, so I decided to head home, stop-
ping at a pizza place on the way. I started
acting a bit crazy when I got there, and
the members of staff happily went along
with it. Their shift was almost over so they
invited me to a party with a few friends of
theirs, and for some reason I said yes.
When we got to the flat, we continued par-
tying and drinking, so I got even drunker.
I saw a tanning bench in the middle of the
living room, which the owner of the flat in-
vited me to try out. I thought it was a great
idea so stepped in wearing nothing but my
knickers and vest [incorrectly known as a
tank top in the US]. Then I’m not sure what
happened, but a combination of alcohol,
heat and exhaustion made me pass out.
When I woke up after god knows how
long, I found myself alone in the flat and
still in the bench. And the bench was still
on. I was so badly burnt that I had to be
rushed to the hospital.
I’ve never set foot in that pizza place since.
The dangers of online (drunk)
dating
This one time I came home from partying
downtown, completely drunk, so I decided
to do something crazy and create a fake
account on [Icelandic dating site] Einka-
mál.is. I went to the chat room and a re-
ally fun cute guy started talking to me. He
asked me to turn on my webcam, compli-
mented me, and told me how beautiful I
am, so I decide on a whim to flash him.
This gets him super excited and asks me
to meet up with him. Suddenly I notice I
have a ridiculous amount of comments on
my profile, and after reading a few of them
I realise I hadn’t just flash the cute guy I
was chatting to, but also about 50 other
horn dogs in the chat room.
I recommend against going onto dat-
ing sites whilst under the influence.
Not everyone is meant to be
Captain Jack Sparrow
I was in a Halloween party on the second
floor, completely wasted and dressed as
Captain Jack Sparrow. At one point that
night the police showed up, and in my in-
toxicated state I shouted at them: “Gentle-
men, you will never forget this day that you
almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow,” and
leapt out of a nearby window.
I did end up in the police car that evening
with two broken legs.
Next time just crash at your
friend’s place
Last Friday I went with my friends to a
party. We drank a lot before moving some-
where else, where a friend picked me up.
We talked together for a really long time in
her car, and at six in the morning I left to
go home, only to realise I had forgotten my
keys somewhere. In my inebriated state
I got the great idea of climbing onto the
roof and getting in through the window to
my room.
When I had almost reached it, four
metres from the ground, I slipped and fell
backwards. My fall was broken by an out-
door hot tub, and the next thing I know I’m
in the hospital with three broken ribs and
a bill for a new hot tub lid.
I had tried breaking into the wrong
house.
Bad decision breeds unfore-
seen consequences
I went home with a guy I met downtown,
and we lost the condom we were going to
use, but decided to have sex anyway. One
morning-after pill and a few days later, I
was on the toilet after feeling like my pe-
riod had started, which was obviously a
cause for celebration for me.
All of the sudden I felt something mak-
ing its way out of my fanny, and I thought
to myself “wow, my period has never felt
that funny!” I looked into the toilet basin,
and ‘lo and behold, the missing condom
had made its way out after living inside me
for three days!
Now I wonder if there’s anything else
hiding in there that I don’t know about.
Party
Compiled by
Hjördís Erna Þorgeirsdóttir
Translated and Compiled by
Tómas Gabríel Benjamin
Translated by
Tómas Gabríel Benjamin
You can find “Játningar Af Djamminu” online at
www.facebook.com/jatningar.
Debauchery And
Dumb Mistakes
Then
Now
Apologies For Drunken Behaviour
From Icelandic newspapers in
the late 19th and early 20th centuries
From the Facebook page
'Játningar af djamminu'
Learn
Icelandic
BOOK NOW / TEL. 551 7700
Skoli.eu
Borgartún 1 • www.thetincanfactory.eu
On-line
or in a
Classroom
Next Morning-Classes
25th of November
talk • read • cook • listen
field-work • food & fun
Issue 17 — 2013 18