Reykjavík Grapevine - 09.09.2016, Síða 10

The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 14 — 2016
10
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The good news is,
Iceland made in-
ternational head-
lines again. The
bad news is, it’s because of Katla,
the volcano (not the DJ). A couple
of tremors were recorded near the
volcano, which isn’t unusual by
any stretch, but that didn’t stop
international media from blasting
headlines about Katla’s imminent
eruption. The misreporting spread
so far and wide that workers at
the Icelandic Met Office have been
inundated with calls from panick-
ing would-be tourists asking if it’s
safe to come visit. Rest assured,
Iceland is as geologically safe as
it ever was, and let the Met Office
folks do their jobs in peace. We’ll
tell you if a volcano is really and
truly going to erupt any moment
now. We know, because we live here.
Speaking of Icelandic superstruc-
tures spewing a lot of hot gas, the
caretakers of Kaupthing bank
decided in a closed-door meeting
to award themselves a total of 1.5
billion ISK in bonuses. Unsur-
prisingly, the general public has
been none too pleased with the
news, but even politicians hailing
from bank-friendly parties have
slammed the bonuses: Progressive
Party MP Þorsteinn Sæmundssson,
for example, proposed a whopping
90-98% tax on such bonuses, and
Minister of Finance Bjarni Bene-
diktsson seems to be warming up
to the idea. It might not have any
impact on the bonuses already
given, but it’s a start, anyway.

NEWS IN
BRIEF
With the recent news that seismic ac-
tivity was recorded around the volca-
no Katla, international media sources
were quick to declare that a massive
eruption was set to go off in Iceland
any day now. While the truth is more
complicated than that (short version:
there aren’t any signs yet that Katla is
ready to pop, but it is long overdue for
a major eruption), we thought it might
be a good idea to re-acquaint our read-
ers with our major volcanoes, and rate
them by various criteria. So without
further ado, here are Iceland’s better
known volcanoes.
5. Snæfellsjökull
Location: Snæfellsnes, West Iceland
Last erupted: Around 200 CE, give
or take
Pros: Reportedly the gateway to The
Centre of the Earth; looks pretty cool
even close up; is said to be a major
“power centre” of ley-line energy, if
you believe that sort of thing.
Cons: Hasn’t erupted since way be-
fore the Settlement; makes the area all
around it a lot colder on account of the
glacier; does not actually lead to the
centre of the earth.
HOT OR NOT: No eruption in over a
millennium = ice cold.
4. Askja
Location: Central Highlands
Last erupted: 1961
Pros: Continues to quake and trem-
ble in a threatening manner; the last
eruption made some beautiful explo-
sion craters, including a geothermal

lake that is literally called Hell (“Víti”).
Cons: Doesn’t look like a volcano so
much as a meteorite impact site; en-
tirely too inaccessible to curious hu-
man explorers; geothermal lake does
not actually lead to hell.
HOT OR NOT: Gets points for style,
but there’s not much backing it up.
3. Hekla
Location: South Iceland
Last erupted: 2000
Pros: Erupts about as often as you
change socks; easily accessible to curi-
ous human explorers; actually resem-
bles a volcano in appearance.
Cons: Bit sexist giving a volcano a
woman’s name, isn’t it?; keeps taunt-
ing us with the possibility of a new
eruption; destroyed the forest that was
once around the area.
HOT OR NOT: With eruptions this
frequent, it’s decidedly more than a
little bit hot.
2. Eyjafjallajökull
Location: Southeast Iceland
Last erupted: 2010
Pros: Caused an international media
shitstorm when it erupted last; in-
spired an Icelandic Eurovision con-
tender that should have made the cut;
nearly impossible for foreigners to
pronounce.
Cons: Gave former president Ólafur
Ragnar Grímsson a reason to talk to
the press; caused numerous hotel res-
ervation and flight cancellations; in-
spired the “I Hate Iceland Guy” meme.
HOT OR NOT: Flash-in-the-pan fla-
vour of the week but still commands
star power. Very hot.
1. Katla

Location: South Iceland
Last erupted: 1918, although it may
have contributed to glacial flooding
in 2011
Pros: One of the most spectacularly
powerful volcanoes in the country; has
sent ash to Europe on many occasions;
has gained mythic proportions as a
symbol of complete destruction.
Cons: Again, what’s with volcanoes
being given women’s names?; could
actually be very destructive when it
erupts; continues to be guaranteed
clickbait for alarmist reporting.
HOT OR NOT: You just can’t compete
with a legend. Hottest of them all.
Words
PAUL
FONTAINE
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GPV.IS/SPOCK
NATURE
Top 5
Volcanoes:
Hot Or Not?
Iceland’s Major Volcanoes, Rated
Art Bicnick
Matthew Eisman
Not an actual volcano /CC
An actual bank /CC
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