Reykjavík Grapevine - 19.05.2017, Síða 4

4The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 08 — 2017
The Top Stories
May 5 - May 18
Words: Paul Fontaine
Images: Sveinbjörn And His
Big Bag Of Stock Photos
An Artist's rendering of Robert Spencer
on MDMA
NEWS IN BRIEF We unfortunately
must report that one of the major
stories of the past two weeks was
when noted Islamophobe Rob-
ert Spencer visited Iceland, in-
vited by a shadowy group known
as Vakur. Spencer, who mostly
writes on his blog Jihad Watch,
preached to the choir at Grand Hó-
tel, expounding upon his idea that
Islam is a threat to Western civili-
sation, while a group of Icelanders
held a peaceful protest outside.
Not all was peaceful, though, as
one of our reporters was given a
veiled threat by someone identi-
fying themselves as “security.”
Shortly after the lecture, Spencer
reported that he had been poi-
soned at a restaurant. A released
medical report showed there was
MDMA and amphetamines in his
system, so chances are his drink
had been spiked with Ecstasy.
In fairness, this might not have
been a poisoning attempt. Maybe
someone just wanted Spencer to
feel something resembling em-
pathy.
Boats are pretty. Can't they just
wear boats?
The economy might be booming
right now, but some of Iceland’s
civil servants are having a rough
time of it. First, it turns out that
the Icelandic Coast Guard is too
ill-equipped to deal with major
accidents at sea. In fact, they only
have a single rescue vessel at sea
at any given time. Second, the po-
lice can’t afford new uniforms,
due to a lack of funds, and exist-
ing uniforms are in some cases
shared amongst officers. As a
uniform costs just over 176,000
ISK (over $1,600 USD), replacing
the old uniforms will be no small
expense, but unless we expect
cops to start going casual, it’s an
expense that needs to be made.
An artist's rendering of a face
enhanced with sheep DNA
A group of enterprising students
at the University of Iceland have
released the invention we’ve all
been waiting for: sheep placenta
face cream. That is a pretty evoc-
ative image, but rest assured the
cream in question only contains
such active ingredients as colla-
gen and antioxidants; it is not lit-
erally gooified sheep placenta. It
might also be of some comfort to
know that no sheep were harmed
in the making of the cream—all
the placentas were harvested
from the live birth of lambs, and
instead of being thrown away,
they can now be put to use making
your skin look young and healthy.
An artist's rendering of a journalist
deprived of sleep because of the
Midnight Sun, or so he tells us
If you find that the rapidly chang-
ing amount of sunlight disturbs
your sleep, you might normally
turn to good ol’ Melatonin for
relief. If you live in Iceland, you
might notice that Melatonin is
prescription-on ly and prett y
expensive, so your best bet is to
order it online, right? Not if cus-
toms has anything to say about
it. In fact, customs have seized
about 60 shipments of Melato-
nin since the beginning of this
year alone. Guess your actual best
bet is to either buy thicker cur-
tains or try to smuggle it into the
country in a vitamin bottle (not
that we would ever condone such
a risky move).
SMJÖRFLUGA
A concerned citizen registering his dobuts about The Moslems to Robert Spencer's
website—a.k.a. Old Man yells at The Cloud. Also his slippers are missing.
First
Smjörfluga is on hiatus this issue, here's her
first strip for The Grapevine to tide you over.
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