Reykjavík Grapevine


Reykjavík Grapevine - 16.06.2017, Blaðsíða 29

Reykjavík Grapevine - 16.06.2017, Blaðsíða 29
girl?” and I would get your whole life story. That’s the good thing that comes from a small society. They will stop you from dating the wrong people. But if you get a person who moves here, I had ab- solutely nothing. I had to investi- gate. Guðrun: But you also get weird snippets. I’m talking to this guy right now, and my friend said, “Why are you talking to him? I heard something from someone that there was just something that was off with him.” Kristín: It can ruin everything. Ásdis: But did you check if you’re related? Guðrun: I actually did. 8th degree! Ásdis: Lucky! Marissa: Look, in other places, you go on dates so you know you’re in a romantic context. Here you agree you are “hooking up” and in my mind that’s nothing and I have gotten in trouble many times, as in like guys telling me, “I don’t understand why you only text me when you’re drunk or it’s late at night.” And I say, “Because we are hooking up?” Then they say, “So you just see me as that?” And I’m like, “You said that!” Guðrun: Everyone is looking for a best friend who they like fucking. Someone who will be like “Want to eat this burrito with me?” Sure. “Want to go down on me?” Sure. Boys want that too. But in this downtown fucking scene, no one is honest. No one says they really like you. Everyone has a front. And it isn’t sincere. Anna: Men just have way too much power here, and I think that’s why feminism in this country is so strong. It hasn’t targeted dating or hookups, but us being consid- ered strong women everywhere else in the world, it’s interesting how little power we have within the dating scene versus in other countries. Kristín: Why? Anna: My friends feel like they have to wait for men to add them on Facebook, or call them. No one can say, like, “Fuck it, I really want to meet him.” Ásdis: I always instigate. If I like someone, why would I ignore what I am feeling and what my pussy is feeling? Kristín: It’s hard with Icelandic guys because everything is so con- nected. If he pours his heart out to you, I would maybe know about it two days later. There’s a risk of making a fool out of yourself. Anna: Yeah like, I could be mar- ried for ten years and have kids and I’d still have trouble with it. Like, “I might like you, I’m not say- ing I’m super into you but…” Also apartments are so expensive now that people are moving in together way too quickly. Ásdis: Airbnb is ruining Icelandic relationships. Guðrun: All I have to say is, be bolder and braver, Icelandic men! Buy us a drink. Try something. Anna: Or, be bolder and braver Icelandic women! Buy them a drink. Try something new. 29The Reykjavík Grapevine Issue 10 — 2017 “I hate to be the guy to break it to you but I don’t think anyone in this room has made out with their cousins.” Frenemies, Fidelity And Eskimo Brothers An analysis The dating scene in Iceland could best be personified as an oily angsty teenager who just discovered alcohol and porn. Yup, as both of our panels stated, finding love here traditionally involves getting super trashed and horny and mindlessly hump- ing each other in between taking shots of Opal. But c’mon, who said romance was dead? This bizarre environment relates directly to the isolation and size of this tiny rock in the North Atlan- tic. Imagine this scenario: There are 65,000 males between the ages of 25 and 54 in Iceland, which works out to precisely 2,241.3 males in each year. For a 30-year- old straight woman, that means around 11,205 boys within your five-year age range. Sounds like a lot, right? Well, what if you really like reggae? That narrows it down by 99% into 112 guys. From there, sift through to the people who live close to you and are attracted to you and you are attracted to and the situation becomes increasing- ly depressing. There legitimately might be about 40 men and women in the same age bracket at any time in Reykjavík who like reggae. These people will fuck, date, and pass each other around for the rest of their horrible reggae-ridden lives. Jesus, that’ll make you need a kutchie. Both the men and the women approached this problem from different angles. Women concen- trated mostly on dealing with the emotional implications of the incestuous Icelandic dating envi- ronment. They talked about hav- ing “vetoes,” which ensure that even if their best friend was Ju- liet and they merely Rosaline, Ju- liet would never stick her tongue down Romeo’s throat if it would upset Rosaline. “Some guys just mean something to you, so you just don’t want your best friend in the mix. Or your little sister. Or your mother,” Kristín explained, to nods from the other subjects. This situation can sound ri- diculous to foreigners—your sis- ter would never really fuck your ex-boyfriend, right? We’re not in ‘Neighbors’, for God's sake. Well, just read the men’s conversation, where coincidentally, this is an ac- tual issue. Sigurður has a crush on a former girlfriend's sister—not biologically related—but believes he can’t pursue it due the the po- tential awkwardness and social skeeviness of the situation. He’s not wrong. Imagine a family re- union. “Hey Helgi and Helga! Nice to see you again! It’s been a while!” Cringe. It is interesting to note that none of the guys mentioned the ex-girlfriend’s feelings in their discussion of this. Would she be secretly upset, like Guðrun with her ex? Would she pull a veto card? Of course, in discussion of similar situations, the girls didn’t seem to consider their ex’s feelings either. Rosaline and Juliet were the impor- tant ones. Romeo was just a body. Of course, the many stereotypi- cal “Icelandic” dating problems were explored in each group. Par- ticipants met the incest question with a laugh—followed by friend- of-a-friend stories. Chlamydia was—true to form—treated as no big deal. The girls’ panel actu- ally had people that had slept with other panel members’ cousins, ex-boyfriends, close friends and enemies. The boys’ panel probably had some Eskimo brothers too, but it wasn’t discussed. So for Icelandophiles drooling over the idea of dating a Norse God, we hope this guides you through the shittshow minefield that is dating in Iceland. Grab an Opal, throw away your con- doms, don’t pull out and don’t you dare ask the “What are we?” question. There you go, you’re on the road to saga glory. Grapevine’s Blind Date: How To Date An Icelander Can love cross boundaries? And if so, can Icelandic men make the jump? To test this out, we asked Nirali, an American tour- ist, to go on a blind date with Ívar, an Icelander. The next day we checked in on them to get the rundown. What was your impression going into this on Icelandic men/American women? Nirali: Everyone has told me men here are very nice, and they have been so far, so I was looking for- ward to the date. Ívar: I have dated American wom- en in the past and they are usually open, interesting and easy to talk to. What was your first impression of each other? Nirali: “Oh la la!” Nice hair, sweet smile, his shirt was buttoned all the way up which may be the style here, but reads as not too casual. Ívar was charming right away. Ívar: When she walked in and I re- alized she was the one I was wait- ing for, I know my face lit up a bit. It became pretty obvious almost immediately that we were both relaxed people, which made every- thing not-awkward. Did you notice any glaring cultural differences? Nirali: Sometimes in the States there is an awkwardness and occa- sionally forced conversation just to get through the evening, but con- versation flowed very well and the date lasted about four hours! We definitely lost track of time. Ívar: Iceland often feels like the 51st state so I think we expected similar things. However, if any- thing, she probably noticed this more than me, since she was a visitor in my country. Would you see each other again? Would you date another Icelander/ American? Nirali: Yes! If he visits the States, he should keep in touch. It might be a blanket statement but Icelan- dic men seem sweet from my ex- perience on this date. Ívar: Yes and yes! If anything she reinforced the positive image I have of the American people. “Some guys just mean something to you, so you just don’t want your best friend in the mix. Or your little sister. Or your mother”
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