Reykjavík Grapevine - 16.06.2017, Side 29

girl?” and I would get your whole
life story. That’s the good thing
that comes from a small society.
They will stop you from dating
the wrong people. But if you get a
person who moves here, I had ab-
solutely nothing. I had to investi-
gate.
Guðrun: But you also get weird
snippets. I’m talking to this guy
right now, and my friend said,
“Why are you talking to him? I
heard something from someone
that there was just something that
was off with him.”
Kristín: It can ruin everything.
Ásdis: But did you check if you’re
related?
Guðrun: I actually did. 8th degree!
Ásdis: Lucky!
Marissa: Look, in other places,
you go on dates so you know you’re
in a romantic context. Here you
agree you are “hooking up” and in
my mind that’s nothing and I have
gotten in trouble many times, as
in like guys telling me, “I don’t
understand why you only text me
when you’re drunk or it’s late at
night.” And I say, “Because we are
hooking up?” Then they say, “So
you just see me as that?” And I’m
like, “You said that!”
Guðrun: Everyone is looking for a
best friend who they like fucking.
Someone who will be like “Want
to eat this burrito with me?” Sure.
“Want to go down on me?” Sure.
Boys want that too. But in this
downtown fucking scene, no one
is honest. No one says they really
like you. Everyone has a front. And
it isn’t sincere.
Anna: Men just have way too much
power here, and I think that’s why
feminism in this country is so
strong. It hasn’t targeted dating
or hookups, but us being consid-
ered strong women everywhere
else in the world, it’s interesting
how little power we have within
the dating scene versus in other
countries.
Kristín: Why?
Anna: My friends feel like they
have to wait for men to add them
on Facebook, or call them. No one
can say, like, “Fuck it, I really want
to meet him.”
Ásdis: I always instigate. If I like
someone, why would I ignore what
I am feeling and what my pussy is
feeling?
Kristín: It’s hard with Icelandic
guys because everything is so con-
nected. If he pours his heart out
to you, I would maybe know about
it two days later. There’s a risk of
making a fool out of yourself.
Anna: Yeah like, I could be mar-
ried for ten years and have kids
and I’d still have trouble with it.
Like, “I might like you, I’m not say-
ing I’m super into you but…” Also
apartments are so expensive now
that people are moving in together
way too quickly.
Ásdis: Airbnb is ruining Icelandic
relationships.
Guðrun: All I have to say is, be
bolder and braver, Icelandic men!
Buy us a drink. Try something.
Anna: Or, be bolder and braver
Icelandic women! Buy them a
drink. Try something new.
29The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 10 — 2017
“I hate to be the
guy to break it
to you but I don’t
think anyone in
this room has
made out with
their cousins.”
Frenemies, Fidelity
And Eskimo Brothers
An analysis
The dating scene in Iceland
could best be personified as an
oily angsty teenager who just
discovered alcohol and porn.
Yup, as both of our panels stated,
finding love here traditionally
involves getting super trashed
and horny and mindlessly hump-
ing each other in between taking
shots of Opal. But c’mon, who said
romance was dead?
This bizarre environment relates
directly to the isolation and size of
this tiny rock in the North Atlan-
tic. Imagine this scenario: There
are 65,000 males between the
ages of 25 and 54 in Iceland, which
works out to precisely 2,241.3
males in each year. For a 30-year-
old straight woman, that means
around 11,205 boys within your
five-year age range. Sounds like a
lot, right? Well, what if you really
like reggae? That narrows it down
by 99% into 112 guys. From there,
sift through to the people who live
close to you and are attracted to
you and you are attracted to and
the situation becomes increasing-
ly depressing. There legitimately
might be about 40 men and women
in the same age bracket at any time
in Reykjavík who like reggae. These
people will fuck, date, and pass each
other around for the rest of their
horrible reggae-ridden lives. Jesus,
that’ll make you need a kutchie.
Both the men and the women
approached this problem from
different angles. Women concen-
trated mostly on dealing with
the emotional implications of the
incestuous Icelandic dating envi-
ronment. They talked about hav-
ing “vetoes,” which ensure that
even if their best friend was Ju-
liet and they merely Rosaline, Ju-
liet would never stick her tongue
down Romeo’s throat if it would
upset Rosaline. “Some guys just
mean something to you, so you
just don’t want your best friend
in the mix. Or your little sister. Or
your mother,” Kristín explained,
to nods from the other subjects.
This situation can sound ri-
diculous to foreigners—your sis-
ter would never really fuck your
ex-boyfriend, right? We’re not in
‘Neighbors’, for God's sake. Well,
just read the men’s conversation,
where coincidentally, this is an ac-
tual issue. Sigurður has a crush on
a former girlfriend's sister—not
biologically related—but believes
he can’t pursue it due the the po-
tential awkwardness and social
skeeviness of the situation. He’s
not wrong. Imagine a family re-
union. “Hey Helgi and Helga! Nice
to see you again! It’s been a while!”
Cringe.
It is interesting to note that
none of the guys mentioned the
ex-girlfriend’s feelings in their
discussion of this. Would she be
secretly upset, like Guðrun with
her ex? Would she pull a veto card?
Of course, in discussion of similar
situations, the girls didn’t seem to
consider their ex’s feelings either.
Rosaline and Juliet were the impor-
tant ones. Romeo was just a body.
Of course, the many stereotypi-
cal “Icelandic” dating problems
were explored in each group. Par-
ticipants met the incest question
with a laugh—followed by friend-
of-a-friend stories. Chlamydia
was—true to form—treated as
no big deal. The girls’ panel actu-
ally had people that had slept with
other panel members’ cousins,
ex-boyfriends, close friends and
enemies. The boys’ panel probably
had some Eskimo brothers too,
but it wasn’t discussed.
So for Icelandophiles drooling
over the idea of dating a Norse
God, we hope this guides you
through the shittshow minefield
that is dating in Iceland. Grab
an Opal, throw away your con-
doms, don’t pull out and don’t
you dare ask the “What are we?”
question. There you go, you’re
on the road to saga glory.
Grapevine’s
Blind Date: How To
Date An Icelander
Can love cross boundaries? And
if so, can Icelandic men make
the jump? To test this out, we
asked Nirali, an American tour-

ist, to go on a blind date with
Ívar, an Icelander. The next day
we checked in on them to get
the rundown.

What was your
impression going into this
on Icelandic men/American
women?
Nirali: Everyone has told me men
here are very nice, and they have
been so far, so I was looking for-
ward to the date.
Ívar: I have dated American wom-
en in the past and they are usually
open, interesting and easy to talk to.
What was your first
impression of each other?
Nirali: “Oh la la!” Nice hair, sweet
smile, his shirt was buttoned all
the way up which may be the style
here, but reads as not too casual.
Ívar was charming right away.
Ívar: When she walked in and I re-
alized she was the one I was wait-
ing for, I know my face lit up a bit.

It became pretty obvious almost
immediately that we were both
relaxed people, which made every-
thing not-awkward.
Did you notice any glaring
cultural differences?
Nirali: Sometimes in the States
there is an awkwardness and occa-
sionally forced conversation just to
get through the evening, but con-
versation flowed very well and the
date lasted about four hours! We
definitely lost track of time.
Ívar: Iceland often feels like the
51st state so I think we expected
similar things. However, if any-
thing, she probably noticed this
more than me, since she was a
visitor in my country.
Would you see each
other again? Would you
date another Icelander/
American?
Nirali: Yes! If he visits the States,
he should keep in touch. It might
be a blanket statement but Icelan-
dic men seem sweet from my ex-
perience on this date.
Ívar: Yes and yes! If anything she
reinforced the positive image I
have of the American people.
“Some guys just
mean something
to you, so you just
don’t want your
best friend in the
mix. Or your little
sister. Or your
mother”