Reykjavík Grapevine - 13.07.2018, Page 66

66 The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 12 — 2018
....OPEN FROM 06:00
Picture a huge Lord of the Rings fan.
They’re so into the books or movies or
whatever that they decide to name their
beloved Icelandic horse after one of their
Tolkien-heroes. “Saddle up, Aragon,” has
a nice ring to it, right?
Well, in that case, you’ve failed to
reckon with the fierce naming commit-
tee of the Icelandic horse. Said Aragon,
as well as Arwen, Faramir and Galadríel
have been officially rejected by the Sau-
ron-sport-committee.
Not Icelandic enough?

The people behind the committee argue
that names such as the ones from the
Tolkien-Saga are not allowed because
they cannot take the form of Icelandic
declension and thus have nogained tradi-
tion in the Icelandic language.
But duh, if the Lord of the Rings is
not considered Icelandic enough—it is
based on Icelandic mythology and names
are influenced by Icelandic—why are
names such as Eros allowed? Can’t find
an Icelandic declension for that one, can
you?
Fans of the singer Adele, the online
shop Amazon, the Asterix comics, Brú-
tus, Caesar, the Eragon book series, Har-
ry Potter or even good old Hamlet will
not like to hear this, but—as you’ve prob-
ably already guessed—these names are
also deemed incompatible with the strict
rules surrounding Icelandic horses.
Difficult & expensive

“Our main goal is to follow the tradition
of the Icelandic naming of horses”, says
Jón Baldur Lorange, the project man-
ager of WorldFengur, who coordinate
the naming rules. Yet he admits that
things are not ideal. “We are not very
happy about the committee because we
have to go through all the names which
is very difficult and expensive,” he says.
However, don‘t despair, extravagant-
name-enthusiast –you can still go for
flamboyant Icelandic names such as
Ásadraumur (Pagan-God-Dream) or
Þvermóðska (defiance, obstinacy).
CITY SHOT by Art Bicnick
WAR OF THE NERDS
The Equine Minefield
Thought the naming comittee for people was silly?
Words:
Noemi Ehrat
Photo:
Art Bicnick
How about them apples?
WELL, YOU ASKED
Cha-Ching Cha-
Ching, Ka-Boom
Ka-Boom
Words: Hannah Jane Cohen
Photo: Art Bicnick

Dear Grapevine,
I am down to my last 2,000 ISK and still
need to eat for the rest of the month.
What do I do?
Brokeness and hunger. It’s a tale as old
as time. The solutions for stretching
your last buck vary, but here are some
classic methods.
Tinder It American Style: Go on
Tinder and find American people that
look rich. You’ll know they look rich
because they usually have pictures of
themselves in suits or at impressive
locales. You can differentiate between
rich people who travel and hippies by the
appearance of white people dreadlocks
or puffy pants. Now, go to dinner with
them and be very charming. Americans
will always pay the bill. Afterwards,
fake a family emergency and run home.
Friendly Manipulation: Start
hanging out at cafés and bars that
serve food. Captivate the waiters and
bartenders until you’ve gained their
trust. You can do this by making funny
jokes and complimenting them. After
you’ve imprinted yourself onto their
soul, make small comments about how
poor you are and watch the flood of
delicious goods pile into your stomach.
As Rachel Ray would say, yum-o.
Go Political: Nothing makes a
hunger strike easier than literally
not being able to buy food, so pick
your favourite political cause, chain
yourself up to something, and watch
as you become famous just because you
were irresponsible with your change.
We recommend protesting whaling.
The liberal media eats that shit up. No
pun intended.

Send your unsolvable (UNTIL NOW )
problems to editor@grapevine.is
How can I reenact the battle of the Black Gate with a horse called Snorri?!