Reykjavík Grapevine - 20.04.2018, Side 52

L IF E , T R AV EL & EN T ER TA INMEN T IN ICEL A ND
Issue 06 × 2018
Apr 20th – May 3rd
www.grapevine.is

LAST WORDS
Dear Future
Employer
Words: Björn Halldórsson
The following is one of the many job ap-
plications the author has sent to ad-
vertising firms in his career as a writer.
Dear ad company,
I would like a job in advertising. You see,
ad company, I’m very tired. I’ve tried to be
a writer all year, and it’s not working out so
well. Did you know that Murakami wakes
up at five every morning to write, and then
runs a half-marathon in the afternoon? I
read it in his book about running. It kind of
ruined my year. Now I can’t watch Netflix
or drink in the afternoon without feeling
like a loser.
Also, lately I’ve been seeing a lot of pic-
tures online from friends of mine who are
writers. Their desks and walls are covered
with post-it notes—all kinds of ideas for
characters and plot twists and things. It
seems like they’ve all got a plan and know
what happens next. I’ve never been good
with post-it notes. I just write until I get to
a place that feels like an ending, and if that
doesn’t happen I’m screwed.
I think I’m done, dear ad company. I don’t
want to be a writer anymore. I want to be
in advertising. I think I could be an asset
to you. I’ve seen lots of ads. Once you start
looking for them, they’re everywhere! I don’t
think I would struggle as much to find an
ending for an ad as I do for a story. Most ads
are very short, very minimal—which I like.
They just get in and get out. They’re very
Raymond Carver, that way. I’m sure Carver
would have been a great ad-man. Murakami,
not so much. Too wordy. I’m also very mini-
mal. These days it feels like I never finish
anything. And I’m good at selling. I sell-out
all the time. You should know as this is the
fifth letter I’ve sent you, pleading for work.
I can’t promise that I’ll be the most fun
at team-building exercises or staff parties
but I know my way around a spell-check
and if you tell me what you want and when,
I’ll get it done. After all, that’s what appeals
to me so much about advertising: being
told what to write about. I’m sick of trying
to figure it out by myself.
I thank you for your time. I remain,
yours truly:
Björn Halldórsson, writer.
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