Reykjavík Grapevine - 18.05.2018, Page 54

54 The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 08 — 2018
Frakkastígur 16, Melhagi 22, Fákafen 11, Hlemmur Mathöll,
braudogco@braudogco.is
Around ten to fifteen years ago, Coun-
ter-Strike basically occupied the cul-
tural and mental space that Fortnight
now does a.k.a. it is what teenage boys
were actually doing when they locked
themselves in their room. Iceland was
no exception, and the multiplayer first-
person shooter rippled through the
country like Ebola, destroying social
lives and thumb joints from Kópavogur
to Keflavík. And like the #metoo move-
ment, often online in-game actions had
real-world consequences.
The defector
Take Kaztro, a rising star in the Ice-
landic Counter-Strike community
and a member of a clan called MTA,
which was short for “Mortal Enemy”.
For those people who don’t spend their
time shooting pixels, the basic game-
play of Counter-Strike revolves around
one five-man team (a ‘clan’) battling
another five-person team. One plays
as terrorists and the other as counter-
terrorists—it’s very politically correct,
we know.
Kaztro was offered a spot in Celph-
titled, a much better clan, and promptly
quit MTA. This infuriated Calculon,
another clan member, so much that
he found Kaztro’s address, drove to
his house, stacked a bunch of wooden
pallets in front of his front door, and
tied a rope around the palettes to the
doorknob. The result was that Kaztro
and his family were locked into their
apartment. The boys were only X at the
time and had never met in person.
ÉG LEM ÞIG
This story is completely bonkers but
still barely scratches the surface of Ice-
landic Counter-Strike drama. At the
height of the game’s fame, players—
around 300 to 500—would meet up at
massive LAN events four times a year
called Skjálfti. Like any community that
revolves around them shooting each
other and yelling, there was a forum
called hugi.is where people would gossip
and insult each other. A pretty common
saying on the forum was “ÉG LEM ÞIG Á
SKJÁLFTA”, which means “I’ll kick your
ass at Skjálfti.” If that’s not dramatic
enough, on a few occasions, guys would
sleep with other players girlfriends or
ex-girlfriends to settle a Counter-Strike
score or get revenge. Yeah, for real.
The Grapevine contacted Kaztro for
a statement on his pallet-filled panic
and over the phone, the once prolific
player revisited the fated pages of hugi.
is. “Holy shit, there are actually 55 pages
of search results when you look up my
username,” Kaztro says incredulously.
“Wow, I apparently had no life.”
CITY SHOT by Art Bicnick
WAR OF THE NERDS
The Counter-
Strike Soap
Opera
Pettiness. Jealously. Revenge.
Escándalo!
Words:
Hannah Jane
Cohen
Photo:
Screenshot
Knock knock...
A walk in the (skate) park
WELL, YOU ASKED
Dr. Phil
...on cheap drinking,
single gloves and getting
rid of rashes
Words: Phil Uwe Widiger

How do I get drunk cheap in Reykjavík?
There are two options here. Firstly, you
can buy an invisibility cloak and go to
your favourite alcohol store, grab as much
as you can and sneak out without being
seen. Mind you—bottles are no good for
this. They make too much noise in the
bag when moving. Secondly, you can
download our Appy Hour app which lists
the best happy hour deals in real time. For
whichever option you choose, make sure
to drink lots of water in between. It’s free.
How will all the lost single gloves in
Reykjavík find a partner?
Around five years ago, Estelle Divorne
started putting single gloves that
she found while cycling on a fence on
Laugavegur. There, these single gloves
found their old partners, or started a
new life with a new owner. The fence
even became a sort of speed dating
spot for a while. Well, the more you
know.
How can I get rid of a weird looking
rash on my butt that I got hiding in the
bushes to catch a glimpse at the 13
Yule Lads?
Oh, this is a common one. Why would you
get rid of it? This is something that Ice-
landic children are basically born with.
You can help heal the rash with certain
ointments available at the pharmacy but
I’d instead recommend you to keep it as
a trophy, and rash of distinction. This
will give you the chance to make instant
friends at your local swimming pool.
Your blotchy butts prove your collective
passion for creeping on Yule Lads. Em-
brace it.

Send your unsolvable (UNTIL NOW)
problems to editor@grapevine.is