Reykjavík Grapevine - 24.08.2018, Page 62

62 The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 15— 2018
....OPEN FROM 06:00
So your girlfriend just left you, your
friends found cooler ones, you have a
Rudolph sized pimple on your nose,
your ulcer is acting up, and your parents
have made it pretty clear that you’re a
massive embarrassment in comparison
to your brother, the doctor, who lives in
Seltjarnarnes with his fitness model
wife. More importantly though, you’re
drunk, and desperate to fill up that hole
in your soul with some food. Good food.
Kebabs. Falafel. What do you do?
The kebab quandary
Well, you have two choices: Mandi and
Ali Baba, which are conveniently locat-
ed next door to each other. I know what
you’re thinking—shouldn’t there be a
clear winner? How could this choice be
so contentious? What is this, ‘Game Of
Thrones’?
The truth is that divorces have been
based on less than the choice between
the two late night joints. Some argue
that you can’t get tastier vegan falafel
than at Mandi, while others say that
Ali Baba’s chicken shawarma is bet-
ter than sex. We at the Grapevine de-
cline to comment on this, as even the
mention of which was better caused a
fierce debate at the office that ended
in an HR report and tears.
The falafel feud
But how do the two restaurants feel
about each other? The answer is
shrouded in mystery. While many ru-
mours surround their relationship, we
at the Grapevine like to imagine it is a
Montague/Capulet situation and while
the owners’ families hate each other,
one day, two of their children will fall
into forbidden love and mend the rift.
In this story though, we of course
hope the two lovebirds ditch the sui-
cide pact and instead have some kids,
move to Garðabær, start doing Cross-
Fit, and open the mother of all Ara-
bic food joints. Please invite us to the
wedding.
CITY SHOT by Art Bicnick
WAR OF THE NERDS
The
Shawarma
Struggle
Oh, you thought stuffing your face while
drunk was gonna be easy?
Words:
Hannah Jane
Cohen
Photo:
Art Bicnick
WELL, YOU ASKED
U-Hauls And
The End Of
Summer
Words: Hannah Jane Cohen
Photo: Art Bicnick
Dear Grapevine,
How do I deal with the fact that
summer’s over when it never really
started?
Write some sad music and get famous.
It’s a tried-and-true method for many
Icelandic artists.
What’s the appropriate amount
of time to know someone before
moving in with them?
This answer varies wildly based on
your sexuality. For straights, it’s
usually after a year. If you’re a lesbian
though, it’s customary to show up
to the second date with your cat
carrier in hand, ready to get engaged
to someone who you will later break
up with and then introduce to your
subsequent girlfriend during a future
game night. Ex-vetting is very real.
Why is black metal never played on
the radio?
Capitalism.
What do you do when your friend
is depressed or having suicidal
thoughts?
If things get very bad and you worry
for their safety, call the police or the
Red Cross helpl ine (1717) if you are in
Iceland.

Send your unsolvable (UNTIL NOW)
problems to editor@grapevine.is or
tweet us at @rvkgrapevine.
In the end, we all end up alone watching Netflix dripping shawarma sauce on our chin
Hello Russian sailors! No collusion here!