Reykjavík Grapevine - 07.12.2018, Qupperneq 10

After the end of their injury-smited,
ignominious UEFA Nation’s League
campaign, the horde has dispersed back
to their day jobs, once more smiting
all and sundry in the top-tier contests
across Europe. Here’s a rundown of the
latest news from Camp Smite.
Hamrén hex
hobbles horde
Our boys remain winless under the yoke
of Swedish manager Erik Hamrém,
having lost 2-0 to bottleless Belgium
in their ignominious debut Nations
League campaign. A Michy Batshuayi
brace sank the Icelandic longboat,
marking the end of a dismal run
in which Iceland scored only once
and conceded 13 in four games. A
tough fixture list and a scroll’s-
worth of injuries hasn’t helped
Erik Hamrén imprint his style
onto the group since the
World Cup, and some
positives can be taken
from the 2-2 friendly
draw against World
Champions France
i n O c t o b e r ;
h o w e v e r ,
H a m r é n ’s
m i d - g a m e
yawn said i t
a l l a b o u t
Iceland’s 2-2
draw against
Q a t a r i n
November. It is
impressive the
whole squad of
travelling Iceland-
ers survived, given
that the fixture was
played out on the
surface of the sun.
GR
Iceland to win Euro 2020
The Euro 2020 qualification groups
have been drawn, and Iceland will
once against face their old rivals,
World Cup holders France. France
ended Iceland’s legendary Euro
2016 run in the quarter finals, but
the last time the two sides met in
a hotly contested
“ u n f r i e n d l y ” —
a f t e r F r a n c e
h a d w o n t h e
World Cup—the
prancing French
narrowly scraped
a 2-2 draw after
throwing on star
forward Mbappe
to try and save
t h e i r c r u m -
b l i n g h o n o u r.
I c e l a n d h a v e
a decent record with the other
group contenders: Turkey, Alba-
nia, Moldova and Andorra. We beat
Turkey emphatically last time we met
in 2017, with a 3-0 scoreline; Alba-
nia were dispatched 2-1 at the two
teams’ last meeting in 2013. Iceland
have won all five of their meetings
with Andorra and Moldova are ranked
170th in the FIFA rankings. But that’s
enough facts. The good news is that
Iceland are on track to win Euro 2020,
and France are in serious trouble. JR
Skipper eats Wolves
for breakfast
Iceland’s totemic midfield general and
infamous bearded warlord conqueror,
Aron “The Annihilator” Gunnars-
son, shook the Premier League once
more yesterday when he thundered in
a spectacular, acro-
batic goal in a 2-1 win
for Cardiff City over
f e l l o w r e l e g a t i o n
contenders, Wolves.
S i n c e h i s r e t u r n
from injury, Aron
has provided some
much-needed assur-
ance to the stuttering
side’s midfield. “I feel
positive,” said Aron,
speaking to the BBC.
“The first few games
we were learning—I
feel like we are grow-
ing into the league. I feel like we’re
progressing as a team.” He’s clearly
inching closer to the devastating 20
megaton yield of his full footballing
strength day by day. Be afraid, Premier
League... Aron’s smiting impact is at
Defcon 4. JR
Gylfi triumphs in
Icelandic Civil War
The growing power of Aron wasn’t
enough, however, to fend off so-hot-
right-now Everton FC, who strength-
ened their case to be crowned “Best of
the Rest” for the first time since Ronald
Koeman’s 2017 managerial meltdown
with a 1-0 victory over Cardiff City. The
Toffees’ winner, courtesy of none other
than Aron’s Iceland teammate Gyfli
Sigurðsson, came
on the hour-mark,
with the attacker
tapping home after
T h e o Wa l c o t t ’s
predictably fluffed
finish was parried
by Bluebirds keeper
N e i l E t h e r i d g e .
Gylfi now has six
P r e m i e r L e a g u e
goals to his name
a l o n g w i t h t w o
assists—a better
record than either Liverpool’s Sadio
Mané or Manchester United’s Anthony
Martial. The “Viking Virtuoso” is truly
leaving a bruise on the UK’s top tier
contest. GR
Berginator smited at
FIFA by choirboy
Burnley F C winger Jóhann Berg
Guðmundsson recently smited some
questions from school kids as part of
the UK’s National School Football Week.
“The Iceberg” took some much-needed
Ásatrú hellfire to the stripling monks
of the Blessed Trinity Roman Catholic
College, taking part in a football game
against their local rivals, which they
lost 3-1, so overawed were they by his
gargantuan horn’d, axe-wielding pres-
ence. After the match, Jóhann took to
the stage of the school’s great hall to
answer some ques-
tions, also leading
the audience in a
frenzied rendition
of Iceland’s famous
“HÚH!” battle chant.
A student named Jak
McKinlay leapt to
his feet, his vision
swimming with the
blood-red fog of war
from an unfamil-
iar berserk burst of
pure Viking adren-
alin, and challenged
“The Berginator” to a
game of FIFA. Jóhann’s clawed, gloved,
battle-scarred hands grappled with the
unfamiliar implement of the Playsta-
tion controller, and he was smited 3-0,
vanishing into the fog after casually
pillaging the trophy room. JR
Kolbeinn back on
the smite train
Choo Choo! Big Kolbeinn Sigþórsson
has taken over the wheel of the smite
train and is back scoring for our boys.
The big man – who last slotted one in
for Iceland against France in Euro 2016
– converted a penalty in Iceland’s 2-2
draw with Qatar after Ari Skúlason had
levelled the scores with a sumptuous
free kick. Kolbeinn remained emotion-
less after his goal, but his teammates
were visibly delighted for the Nantes
hitman, who has been plagued by
injury for so long. Despite missing the
World Cup, the boys in blue now have
another scythe back in their armoury
as they prepare to embark on their
journey to Euro 2020 glory. All aboard
the Kolbeinn Express! GR
Follow our live-tweets on match-
days on Twitter at @rvkgrapevine.
Iceland's indomitable and unstoppa-
ble march to the Euro 2020 trophy will
continue throughout 2019, as Aron,
Gylfi, Jóhann Berg and the boys smite
their way through all the continents
of the world, laying waste to any team
foolish enough to step into their terri-
ble path to glory.
#IcelandSmites
“Aron is inching
closer to the
devastating
20 megaton
yield of his full
footballing
strength day by
day.”
Footballing
Horde In
Hamrén-
Induced
Hypersleep
After limping out of the Nations
League, Iceland take aim at Euro
2020
FOOTBALL
Words:
John Rogers &
Greig Robertsson
Illustration:
Lóa Hlín
Hjálmtýsdóttir
“Gylfi the “Viking
Virtuoso”
Sigurðsson
is truly leaving
a bruise on the
UK’s top tier
contest.”
T EMPL A R A SUND 3 , 101 RE Y K JAV ÍK , T EL : 5711822, W W W.BERGSSON. IS
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