Reykjavík Grapevine - 02.08.2019, Blaðsíða 54

54 The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 13— 2019
HORROR-SCOPES
The Fault In
Your Stars
Scorpios really are the worst
Words: Josie Gaitens & Hannah Jane Cohen Photo: Art Bicnick
In Horror-Scopes, Grapevine’s dedi-
cated team of amateur astrologists
breaks down your upcoming weeks
based on shit like where the planet
Venus was at the rough moment you
were born.
a Aries
Beware: If you don’t show up for
the Pride Parade, you will be hit
by a rogue glitter cannon and
spend the next six months comb-
ing sparkles out of your unkempt
hair. Don’t tempt the queer Gods.
b Taurus
If you know what’s good for you,
you’ll stay away from Gullfoss.
c Gemini
Travelling the Diamond Circle
might just lead to a diamond
in your circle, if you catch our
drif t . That said, avoid Ice-
landic Libras like the plague.
d Cancer
Cancers are a fickle folk. Know
what else is fickle? Love.
M Leo
While celebrating your birthday at
Kiki Queer Bar, you fall down the
stairs and meet the love of your
life in the hospital. Watch your
feet if you’re not looking for com-
mitment.
f Virgo
Did you know that beer in Iceland
was banned until 1989? While this
might not seem relevant to you
now, mull it over in the upcoming
weeks. It might just be the answer
you were looking for.
g Libra
You’re just a small town girl liv-
ing in a Gríndavík world. Take the
midnight Strætó to Reykjavík and
live your truth, baby.
h Scorpio
Scorpios are notoriously evil and
you are no exception, my friend.
i Saggitarius
As the nights draw in and the
summer warmth is sucked from
the air, you long for the days when
you can once again creep through
the streets of Reykjavík, stalking
your prey. Your time is nigh.
e Capricorn
You definitely need to get that
tested.
k Aquarius
You’re still playing “Take Me To
Church” by Hozier? What year is it?
l Pisces
Ah, Pisces. Much like the final sea-
son of ‘Game of Thrones,’ you’ve
been disappointing a lot of peo-
ple recently. Make like Daenerys
Targaryen or Eyjafjallajökull and
simply burn everything or every-
one that makes you angry, unless
they are a Scorpio. Those bitches
are evil.
CITY SHOT by Art Bicnick
WELL, YOU ASKED
UFO Yurts And
Quest Completion
Words: Felix Robertson
Photo: Art Bicnick
Say I want to write for you guys. How
would I go about it?
So you want to write for the
Grapevine, eh? It’s a goal many have
sought. But be warned, all who wish
to write for us must complete a great
quest to prove their valour and moral
fortitude. Deep in the labyrinthine
ways of The Office is that dark place
we call Stöckroøm. To prove yourself,
you must enter Stöckroøm, and retrieve
the hallowed 2008 Bar Guide Edition,
blessed by Þór himself and said to
bestow magical powers upon the bearer.
But be warned, dark and terrible things
lurk amongst the back issues. Many have
entered. Few have returned. Good luck
and Godspeed.
I’m getting married soon, would
you recommend Iceland for a
honeymoon? And if so, do you have
any insider knowledge about things
to do?
Hmm. Well, I’ve gotta be honest,
Iceland isn’t really a strong point for us.
I mean, there’s probably a fascinating,
meticulously designed publication
documenting all aspects of Icelandic
culture, travel and insider knowledge,
which you could easily look up to answer
all your questions… but we haven’t heard
of it.
Where is the best place in Iceland to
see a UFO?
Well, there’s a yurt at Árneshreppur
that looks like it might have come
from somewhere interesting. We
can’t guarantee that it actually flies,
but maybe nobody’s found the correct
button yet. Alternatively, Snæfellsjökull
is said to be a pretty good spotting
ground, with multiple reports of
extraterrestrial tête-à-têtes. There’s no
US military installation (yet) to spice
it up, but work on your Naruto run and
them aliens can’t stay hidden forever.
Send your unsolvable (UNTIL NOW )
problems to grapevine@grapevine.is or
tweet us at @rvkgrapevine.
Josie and Hannah have the answers you seek. Maybe.
Summer: a thing of myth, most years
ICEWEAR STORES
REYKJAVÍK • KÓPAVOGUR
AKUREYRI • VÍK Í MÝRDAL
VESTMANNAEYJAR
WEBSTORE ICEWEAR.IS
The House at Eyrarbakki
Opening hours:
May 1st - September 30th
daily 11.00-18.00
or by an agreement
Tel: +354 483 1504 & +354 483 1082
info@byggdasafn.is
byggdasafn.is
Árnessýsla Heritage Museum is located in Húsið, the House,
historical home of the Danish merchants built in 1765. Húsið
is one of the oldest houses in Iceland and a beautiful monu-
ment of Eyrarbakki´s time as the biggest trading place on
the south coast.
Today one can enjoy exhibitions about the story and culture of
the region, famous piano, shawl made out of human hair and
the kings pot, are among items. Húsið prides itself with warm
and homelike atmosphere.