Reykjavík Grapevine - dec. 2021, Side 31

HORROR!SCOPES
Deep Space
Nine Edition
DS9 = Best Trek, Confirmed
Words: Andie Sophi! Font!ine
In this edition of Horror-Scopes,
we’re going to tell you which char-
acter you are in the objectively best
Star Trek franchise, Deep Space
Nine, based on your sun sign. And
no, Gul Dukat will not be making
an appearance here. That would be
downright insulting. Let’s go!
Aries
You are Worf, son of Mogh—seri-
ous, strong, and with an undying
warrior’s heart. The only thing
more powerful than your sense
of honour is your refusal to take
a joke. Work on that!
Taurus
Congratulations, Taurus, you’re
Odo, the chief of security. Noth-
ing annoys you more than some-
one flouting the rules, i.e., the
only thing holding the fabric of
society together. Only you get to
break the rules, doesn’t anyone
know that?
Gemini
To some, you are but a humble
tailor, but to others, a quick-
witted and cunning spy. You are
Garak, and honestly, no one is
fooled by your duplicitousness.

Cancer
Can I interest you in the bargain
of a lifetime? Being just like Quark
the Ferengi, your wheeling and
dealing definitely gets you your
share of gold-plated latinum—
and a reputation for stealth. Ca-
veat emptor indeed!
Leo
Good news, Leo, you are Com-
mander Benjamin Sisko. A natu-
ral leader with a commanding
personality, who always sticks
up for the little guy, with just the
slightest flexibility of morality
when needed.
Virgo
Sweet, humble, and endlessly
loving, you are Professor Keiko
O'Brien (née Ishikawa). Your
loved ones can always count on
you, but may the Prophets help
anyone who ever crosses you.
Libra
Much like the Chief Science
Officer Jadzia Dax, you are cool,
graceful and precocious, but you
can also work harder than any-
one else—provided some good-
hearted fun doesn’t distract you.
Scorpio
You might fancy yourself a
smoother operator and an expert
at seduction, but you’re about as
smooth as Chief Medical Officer
Julian Bashir. And much like
Julian, you’ll probably get much
further once you tone down your
ego and let your talents speak for
themselves.
Sagittarius
You are First Officer Kira Nerys!
Strong-willed and with a powerful
sense of justice, but not without
your romantic side, you would fit
in well with any Bajoran resis-
tance militia.
Capricorn
Steady, dependable, and with the
work ethic of a Clydesdale, you
are Chief of Operations Miles
O’Brien. There’s always a prob-
lem cropping up, and it’s always
on you to fix it. Give yourself a
rest from time to time.
Aquarius
Yes, even the Dominion makes
an appearance in this horoscope,
as you are Weyoun, the Vorta
clone who could be a master of
diplomacy, but with the sense to
know when to cut your losses.
Watch out for those Klingons!

Pisces
You are Rom, little brother of
Quark. Always underestimated,
you still have the ability to
organise and rally allies against
the status quo when needed.
Chin up; you’re capable of good
things.
WELL, YOU ASKED
The Cutlery Elite

Words: Valur Grettisson
Is it true all Icelanders have to learn
to swim in order to graduate from
school?
Yes, that is correct! The reason is pretty
practical, we were drowning en masse
before learning to swim, so it felt like
the right move. It was put into law in
!"#$ that all children must learn to
swim. Many sailors in the olden days
could have been saved if they would
have known how to swim. And of
course, drowning was reduced greatly
over the years as a result. Feels like a
no brainer.
***
How much lava can exist under the
EARTH?
Well, it’s a few litres, (Five gallons if
you’re from one of these countries that
use that idiotic system of measure-
ment).
***
We have heard it's very impolite to
blow your nose in a tissue, while
at the table. Is this true? And why
do Icelanders eat everything (even
pizza!!) With knife and fork?? In Hol-
land, we eat pizza with our hands....
We just loudly snort our snot back up
into our sinuses. It’s not like we are
at the Versailles Palace! It’s obviously
not preferable to blow your nose at the
dining table, but there is no strong eti-
quette about this, mostly because eve-
rybody has a cold all the time anyway.
About the knife and fork thing, I don’t
know how you do it in Holland, but
in Iceland, we have something called
“manners.” Aside from snorting our
boogers, those include using a fork and
a knife when eating. Some savages in
Iceland of course eat everything with
their hands (everything being ham-
burgers and pizza), but we, the cutlery-
elite, strive to never let food come in
contact with our hands.
31The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 12— 2021
CITY SHOT by Art Bicnick
Women's Bobsleigh Heats — Reykjavík 2021