The Arctic Times - 01.10.1941, Qupperneq 3

THE ARCTIC TIMES
3
Introducing »Aunt
Mathilda’s Corner«.
This column, dear readers, is
to be devoted entirely to the
welfare of your minds. To dis-
cuss the problems which baffle
and annoy, and to seek a solu-
tion.
Have you a secret worry? Is
your house in order? Let Aunt
Matthilda help you.
Address your letter to: Aunt
Matthilda, c/o the Arctic Times.
Already we are able to let the
sunshine into minds clouded
with worry and to bring smi-
les of relief to faces rendered
haggard and drawn by the
crushing weight of a nagging
consience or a domestic pro-
blem unsolved.
Here are brief replies to some
of this week’s queries.
1. „I detest discipline in any
shape or form and cannot
submit myself to being or-
dered about by anyone. Ha-
ving recently joined the Ar-
my I must try and cure my-
self of these weaknesses. Can
you recommend a brief course
of study“?
Sure. A close study of your
Commanding Officer’s face
when you appear on Orders.
2. „I am due to go on the next
leave trip. Should I start
walking straight away as I
hear the boat went aground
last time and I do not wish
to miss my train“.
No, don’t worry. This is a
frequent occurence and
extra time is allowed for it.
3. „Can you tell me, please, the
difference between a D.F.C.
and a D,S.C.?“
Approximately 25,000 ft.
4. „I intend to get up an hour
before reveille each morning
during the winter and go for
a run in my P.T. kit.“
The M.O. knows that one,
son. Try tearing up paper
into little bits on Adjutant’s
parade and squinting at
your cap buttons.
5. „Tell me, on a move is a
batman responsible for A.LL
the kit of his officer?“
No, only the little bit the
officer himself does not car-
ry-
(Many replies unavoidably
held over, but do not be afraid
to write).
LEAVE OE
EURLOUGH.
Pte Smudger of the Fusiliers
knocked gingerly on the door
of the Sergeant Major’s hut
and, hearing no reply, gently
turned the handle and crept in.
The Sergeant Major, occupied
with his big effort of the day,
the Daily Detail, was muttering
quietly to himself and the Com-
pany Clerk was thumping on
the typewriter in tune with the
less melodious noise of the
storeman who was snoring
peacefully on his bed, as was
his usual wont.
„Well, my lad“, said the Ser-
geant Major, looking up from
his work and smiling sweetly at
the intruder, (as Company Ser-
geant Major’s always do), „and
what brings you here?“.
„I was wondering if I could
get any leave“, said the hopeful
Smudger, standing first on one
leg and then on the other with
his hands pressed firmly a-
gainst the seams of his battle-
dress trousers.
„Leave! Never ’eard of such
thing, ’ave you, Wiggins?“, he
groaned, turning towards the
scrivener who had suddenly
ceased his thumping and ap-
peared dazed at the mention of
such a curious word.
„Can't say as I ever have, Sir.
At least, I do remember the
word being mentioned once but
that was many years ago“, and
he continued mournfully with
his thumping.
The Sergeant Major, always
out to help, as Sergeant Major’s
nlways are, betook himself to a
shelf and, having pushed his
hand through several cobwebs
and disturbed a nest of new
born mice, returned to his
throne with a large book whose
pages were stuck neatly to-
gether with a thick layer of
dust and dead cockroaches.
„Here we are“, he said hope-
fully, „we’ll see what the
Company Standing Orders have
to say about it“, and turning
over a few pages suddenly
began to read:
Whereas it is deemed that a
soldier of the Regular Forces
who has, through no fault of
his own, successfully termina-
ted a period of three years in a
foreign country shall, on
applying in the correct manner,
be liable to be sent on Leave
or Furlough for a maximum
period of three weeks or any
such lesser period as may be
from time to time determined
for him by his superior officers.
On considering himself worthy
of the above mentioned privi-
lege the soldier should at once
apply to his Section Comm-
ander who should then report
the matter immediately to the
Platoon Sergeant who should
then without further delay
notify the Platoon Commander.
The latter officer will then see
that the application is sent
through the usual channels to
the Chief Clerk at Brigade
Headquarters when, having lain
on his table for a period not
exceeding seven days, it should
be forwarded slowly but surely
to Higher Authority in tripli-
cate accompanied by Army
Form one hundred and seventy
six, Army Form ninety and
Army Council Instruction
Number sixty two as amended
by Number forty nine. Higher
Authority will then toss a
Mark Six pattern coin to deter-
mine the result. The decision,
if ever made, will be despatched
back again to the soldier in
time to reach him exactly
seventeen days after the date
for which the leave was desired.
„Well, that seems to be quite
clear“, said the Sergeant Major
pampously and on looking up
to see the effect of his good
advice on the private soldier
discovered that the room was
empty.
B.L.K.
The Book of Hopwood.
And there was born unto
John and Martha a son who
was named Laurie, which
means „Blonde and beautiful“,
but he was not as the rose.
And it came to pass that
when grew to manhood he did
join the tribe of Khaki and did
journey forth to the Land of
Ice.
Now in this strange land
were many Stulkas which
means „Frozen Blonde“ and
people of the Land of Ice did
occupy themselves by fishing
and love making, and in the
winter it was not possible to do
much fishing.
After he had dwelt in this
strange land for many moons
Laurie did write home and
did say to his Mother, „Send
me chocolates for I am hungry“.
When his Mother got his
message, she was sorely puzzled
saying to her husband, „Tis
passing strange, he that is my
son now likes chocolates when
his taste used to be for the leg
of an ox.
And his Father did smile, for
he knew that the maidens in
the Land of Ice were fair and
pleasing to the eye.
Competition No. I
First Prize: Kr 5
All you have to do is to
rewrite the follering text with
the correct spelling, sign it
with your name and unit, put it
into an envelope and send it,
via your unit orderly room or
office to the Editors, The Arctic
Times, Marlborough Camp in
time to reach them by 1200 hrs
on Friday, 17th October, 1941
At that time all entries will
be put into a bag, shaken up
and placed before the Editors,
who will then draw out the
entries until they open the first
correct solution. The owner of
that solution will be forwarded
the prize of Kr. 5.
The correct solution will
appear in next week’s issue and
the name of the winner in that
of the week after.
Entries are limited to one per
person and the decision of the
Editors is final.
Look out for our second
competition next week.
Here is what you have to
rewrite with the correct
spelling:
It is incredably cold today
allthough the sun is shineing.
The leeves are begining to fall
of the trees so it seams that
autum has comenced which
will soon be folowed by winter.
Not unaturaly I hope to procede
on leave during the cold
wheather but this appears a
remote posability.
Y.M.C.A. CALLING.
Open 1000 to 22 hrs. every day.
Sundays at 1400 hrs.
Sing Song on Wednesdays at
2030 hrs.
Service on Sundays at 1945 hrs.
H. GASTER.
Northern Lights.
As the sun dips and shadows
lengthen,
The colours of the Arctic night
Blend and mix in strange
confusion
Above the mountains tipped
with white.
Purples, red and blues all
mingle;
Swirl across the mighty heights,
Could there ever be more
beauty,
Than the wondrous Northern
Lights.