Reykjavík Grapevine - 25.07.2003, Blaðsíða 8

- the reykjavík grapevine -8 july 25th - august 7th, 2003
COFFEE
U N H E A L T Y L I V I N G
THE SWEET STUFF
WHATEVER PUTS THE JAM IN YOUR DOUGHNUT
Iceland’s relationship with sweets
has long been a strange one. For the
most part it seems we tend to think of
blatantly commercial, 100% American
brands of sweets and cereals as
somehow distinctively Icelandic. General
Mills´ Coco Puffs (or Kókó Pöffs, as it’s
affectionately known) is so ingrained
in our culture that a whole generation
of people, now in their late twenties,
grew up on it. The bugle shaped snack
“Buggles,” pronounced böggles (like
Muggles from the Harry Potter books)
is, despite appearances to the contrary,
treated as if it were an old Icelandic
delicacy from the fifth century, and then
there’s Prince Polo, the Polish wafer
biscuit which has inexplicably melted its
way into the affections of Icelanders and
I would need the whole article to truly do
its impact upon Icelandic culture justice.
The sale of M&Ms and Skittles was
banned in Iceland from the mid 70´s
until the mid 90´s, due to the 1976
controversy that arose about the
type of food colouring used in the
red pieces. This meant that the only
means we had of obtaining that much
coveted confectionary was to buy it
duty-free. Anyone coming from abroad
was therefore obliged to bring back
a bag and would rise to high status
within his family for as long as the candy
lasted. Even though M&Ms are now
widely available it still holds a special
place in our collective sweet tooth and
people rarely fail to bring a bag through
customs.
We have the same quirks when it
comes to soda, particularly Jolly Cola
and Spur. An unremarkable soda really,
Jolly Cola is a Danish brand and still
widely available there and in the Faeroe
Islands, where it’s their biggest seller.
Spur, however, is much rarer and only
spoken of in hushed tones - legend has
it that it can still be purchased in remote
towns in the south of Portugal, under
heavy guard by the ferocious natives,
indeed some of those who have gone
looking for it have never been seen
again.
Ever since the US Army first came
here, showering children with Juicy Fruit
chewing gum and the like, we have
milked a part of our national identity
from foreign brands of sweeties. Why
is this? Quite possibly, it has to do
with the limited variety available to us
through the years. When there are only
so many types of crisps and cereal to
choose from, people are likely to get
attached to the few brands they can get.
Or possibly, being a nation that still eats
pickled ram’s testicles and sheep heads,
we just don’t have a clue when it comes
to edibles.
Iceland’s brightest moment was,
no doubt, when we discovered the
combination of chocolate and liquorice.
On their own they are fine, but together,
the experience is truly mindblowing.
“Draumur” and “Kúlu-súkk” are excellent
examples of this beautiful tradition. I am
convinced that this is what Iceland will
go down in history for.
The liquorice fetish can also be found
in Scandinavia, but is absent in most
other parts of the world. To think that
these poor people might never know
the joy of drinking coke from a bottle
with a liquorice straw! This obsession
of ours with liquorice might explain
why Icelandic has an abundance of
metaphors for bowel movements.
No discussion about liquorice would
be complete without mentioning Blue
Ópal. These small liquorice pills actually
contain a small dose of chloroform. This
is the reason for the pleasant smell and
the slight burning sensation in your
mouth when you eat a bunch at a time.
It is reputedly illegal in Holland (of all
places), but is held in high regard at an
underground cinema in Amsterdam, the
owner regularly making trips to Iceland
for the sole purpose of buying blue
Ópal. What he probably doesn’t know
is that the dose is insufficient for any
anaesthetic effect.
For more information about
liquorice you can have a look at
http://www.licorice.org/. Or go to
my hometown of
Hafnarfjörður where
they have the Apollo
liquorice factory. There,
you can buy a huge bag
of irregulars for loose
change. Which should
put the b into your bowel
movements.
In closing I would like
to point out the yummy
website www.nammi.is.
There, foreigners and
Icelanders overseas
can order all sorts of
Icelandic delicacies
like: Blue Ópal,
Malt&Appelsín, dried
fish, Bleikt & Blátt (the
only Icelandic semi-porn
magazine), hotdog
mustard, miniature
Icelandic flags (sigh)
and of course good old
Icelandic Coca Cola.

SPECIAL ICELANDIC SODA RECIPES
FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS:
Ammæliskók (Birthdaysoda)
There are at least two known kinds of
Birthday soda. One is made by taking
every soda brand in the party and
mixing them all together into a nectar of
mysterious pleasures. The other is the
accidental Birthday soda where crumbs
from the birthday cake are slobbered
back into the bottle creating sludge at
the bottom of it. It may or may not
interest you to know that it is from this
sludge that the Icelandic band Botnleðja
also known as Silt) takes its name.

Malt & Appelsín
No Christmas or religious holiday
in Iceland is complete without this
beverage. It is comprised of non-
alcoholic malt extract and orange soda
and is brown in colour. Mixing Malt &
Appelsín, also known as Christmas ale,
has been an established custom for
more than 40 years and shows no sign
of letting up.
Ragnar Egilsson
Surgeons eventually discovered its chloroform content was
insufficient for anasthetic effect.
Like so many of my fellow
countrymen I hold coffee dear, it is
the source of my powers and without
it I’m useless. For the last few years
coffee has been the constant that the
rest of my world revolves around. A cup
of coffee in a quiet place is my haven
in a world of restlessness. Idling, as is
my want, in a downtown coffee shop,
it suddenly occurred to me that I had
little knowledge of this magic liquid. A
state of affairs I determined to put right
without delay. Coffee has its origins in
Ethiopia and in fact it has probably been
used by Ethiopians for as long as they’ve
been around. The Ethiopians ate coffee
beans with butter as an energy shot for
long journeys, and spiced coffee beans
are still sold as candy in many African
countries. The most widely accepted
legend of how coffee was discovered
is that a shepherd named Kaldi noticed
that his goats behaved in a strange and
lively manner after eating the cherries of
a coffee tree, so he tried it himself and
also felt alert and full of energy. Today,
coffee is the world’s most popular
stimulant with more than 400 million
cups consumed per day in the USA
alone and 400 billions cups downed
worldwide every day. Scandinavians
consume most coffee per capita, more
than 12kg annually (for once, Icelanders
are not at the top per capita, and only
in 17th place among Europeans, with the
Finns in the lead). Coffee represents the
world’s second most important trading
commodity (after oil) and 25 million
people are employed in the industry.
It is one of a few addictives that are
legal in Iceland, along with
cigarettes, alcohol and
various prescription drugs
ranging from painkillers
to pure amphetamine.
Much like alcohol, the
best way to enjoy coffee
is in extreme quantities. In
fact I feel that moderation
is hugely overrated.
The desired effects of a
magnificent consumption
of coffee are: Periods of
inexhaustibility, a rambling
flow of thought and speech,
general excitement, the
impossibility of staying
still, a twisted clarity of mind and
evenlight hallucinations. Most of those
symptoms are actually the early signs
of “Caffeine-induced organic mental
disorder 305.90: Caffeine intoxication”
(as described in the Desk reference
to the diagnostic criteria from DSM-3-
R, American Psychiatric Association,
1987). I like to obtain some of these
symptoms and then go for a walk or
just ramble on about nothing much at
all to my friends while I have another
cup. It’s a good feeling that allows you
to slip out of reality for a brief period
and pass a few pleasant hours, usually
at lesser financial cost than to going to
the movies. This state can be achieved
through various approaches but for now
I will just concentrate on two personal
favourites:
Twin Peaks:
The most effortless way to achieve
caffeine greatness is to drink with a
reasonably intelligent or interesting
friend and just drink and talk until he/she
or you give up. Music is recommended
but not necessary, whereas the choice
of partner is the essence of the
exercise. Choose one who is willing
to argue and discuss all matters great
and small, and preferably has the same
caffeine tolerance level as yourself. This
is a fairly simple and easy technique and
one which I experimented with for three
years with good results,
Lone Ranger:
Solo drinking is currently my preferred
method but this technique depends
upon the individual’s ability to be alone
for substantial periods of time and the
ability to remain silent for more than
10 minutes, a trait rarely found among
caffeine addicts. But for those who
think they can handle it, preparation
is necessary. Before you begin it´s
important to eat something, for we must
not let hunger interfere with our higher
state of caffeine fuelled consciousness.
You’ll also need reading material and
music. Start with something simple to
read, like Grapevine, and then work your
way up to more serious publications or
books, but remember to always keep
one hand on the coffee cup. For the
solo drinker, music is mandatory. A wide
variety of music is recommended, as are
wild musical changes such as switching
from Kraftwerks “Tour de France” to
Talking Heads “Once in a Lifetime” and
back to Vangelis´ “End Titles” (Blade
Runner) and then suddenly to Bob
Dylan’s “Visions of Johanna”. Such
eclectic choice of music will increase
the chance of a successful session. For
those too far gone to constantly change
the disc, I recommend Blood On The
Tracks by Dylan on repeat. Be careful,
though, of opting for the radio, for a lot
of pop music these days might do more
harm than good. Music is the fuel of the
mind and your mind will not run smoothly
on the crude oil such performances
produce. Television won’t work either,
although TV and coffee mixes fairly
well if you are consuming coffee for
recreational or sporting purposes. To
become intoxicated by coffee, however,
is a full time job and in my experience
television will distract you from your
ultimate goal. Serious drinking means
serious commitment. Those are my two
most basic techniques but essentially
their goal is the same, to drink as much
coffee as you can and thus, consume the
greatest amount of caffeine possible.
So go ahead and give it a try. Before
embarking on your pursuit, though
(and to forestall possible litigation) a
few words of warning: there is such a
thing as a lethal dose of caffeine. The
LD-50 of caffeine (the lethal dosage
that would kill around 50% of the
population) is estimated at 10 grams
for oral administration. However, as is
usually the case, lethal dosage varies
from individual to Individual according
to weight. For people weighing 50 kilos,
7,5 grams is a lethal dose. For people
in my weight group at around 90 kilos
it takes 14 grams and so on. According
to my calculations that equals about 65
cups for a person weighing 50 kilos and
about 121 for people weighing 90 kilos,
so try to stay within those limits. Voltaire
the French author and philosopher
reportedly drank 50 cups of coffee a
day. I do not know what he weighed
but apparently he was a very interesting
person to talk to after taking his daily
dosage.
So where does my rambling ode to the
joys of coffee leave us? Is coffee and
caffeine the key to the gates of paradise
and endless happiness? Or is it merely a
simple pleasure for simple minds? I do
not know and do not care as long as they
have it wherever it is I go when I die.
H
.
GU
N
N
BY
The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportioned
to the quantity of coffee he drinks.
-Sir James Mackintosh
It is well known that Icelanders get drunk every
weekend, but how do they get through the five
remaining days? Grapevine investigates.
article
A great deal of coffee.
Photos: Aldís
One wonders whether this caffeine addict is experiencing a
twisted clarity of mind.