Reykjavík Grapevine - 16.07.2010, Page 49

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37
The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 10 — 2010
your Emotions | Ask The Doctor
Ask Paola
“We are all experts in our
lives.”
These are some very wise words I once
heard. They changed me as a person,
and as a therapist. We are all individu-
als made up of different experiences,
and only we can truly know and under-
stand who we are and where we come
from. We are the best judges of our
lives and ought to be the primary de-
cision makers. Nevertheless, there are
situations that leave us feeling trapped,
with no escape. In these circumstanc-
es, some guidance or therapy might be
useful in helping us see things from a
different perspective.
The Hollywood stereotype of ‘the
psychologist’ is typically a male thera-
pist in his 40s sitting on a chair fast
asleep while his client lies on a couch,
pouring his heart out. Another stereo-
type is that of the therapist who seems
to be crazier than her clients. I just want
to clarify that I am not you stereotypical
Hollywood therapist. First of all, I am a
woman in my 30s; second of all, I don’t
have a couch in my office; and third of
all, I believe I am not crazy… but who’s
normal anyway?
To prove my sanity, I went around
and invited people to ask me a ques-
tion about a pressing matter in their
lives. During this social experiment, I
was asked some familiar and very im-
portant questions—apart from, “are you
crazy?” Read on for some dilemmas,
and my answers to them.
I have been travelling for a while
now and my parents are worried
about me. They say I should come
home and go back to school. I am at
a point in my life where I don’t know
what I want. So, what should I do?
To your parents, you are still the little
boy that they saw off on his first day of
school. For them, seeing their son move
out is a big step in their lives, as well
as yours. Their worries are completely
normal, and reflect how much they
care about you.
It can be helpful to take some time
off to figure out what you want to do
with your life, as long as you feel good
about your decision. Travelling can be a
good way to take a break from normal-
cy and engage in something that’s con-
structive and fun at the same time. But
are you using travelling as an excuse
not to settle down? Are you running
away from something or someone?
These are important questions you
need to ask yourself in order to explore
the underlying reasons behind your
decision of staying away from home. If
this is not the case, have a great trip
and don’t forget to write your parents.
I recently lost my job and even
though I have more time on my
hands I don’t have the energy to do
anything. Apart from this, I worry a
lot and I have difficulty sleeping. Is
there something wrong with me?
Research has shown that losing a job
can be as hard on people as losing a
loved one so you might be mourning
your loss. For most adults, work is a big
part of their lives. It gives us a reason to
wake up in the morning, to meet peo-
ple, it helps us create and maintain a
routine and it increases our self-worth
and self-esteem. Being unemployed
is not a walk in the park, and there is
absolutely nothing wrong with you. You
are going through a very difficult and
stressful time, and it is normal to feel
exhausted and concerned.
Take care of yourself by creating a
routine and taking up a hobby. Going
to bed and waking up at the same time
every day can improve your sleep, and
doing something you like can give you
some purpose in life and the opportu-
nity to meet new people while doing
something fun. May I suggest some
volunteer work? There are different or-
ganisations where you can give some
of your free time to do something re-
warding and in return feel good about
yourself. In addition to this, it is never
too late to learn Chinese!
My boyfriend does not seem to get
turned on by me anymore. No mat-
ter how much I try, he seems disin-
terested in me. I don’t know what
to do, I love him but I am still young
and I don’t think I am ready to wait
for him. What should I do?
Have you told your boyfriend how you
feel? Communication is very important
in every relationship and “sex talk” is
no exception. Couples who talk openly
about what they like and dislike in bed
have healthier and more satisfying sex
lives than those who do not.
Most importantly: do not take this
personally. Stress, depression, worry,
anxiety and substance abuse, for in-
stance, can cause a decrease in sexual
drive. Your boyfriend could be going
through a difficult period in his life and
might just need your support to get
his libido back on track. Talk to him
and find out how he feels—with your
help, the two of you might be able to
survive this dry spell and at the same
time strengthen your relationship. Who
knows, this could end up being a re-
warding experience for the two of you
in the long run.
Need some help solving your dilemmas? Ask
Paola by sending your questions to:
askpaolasala@gmail.com
PAOLA CARDENAS
jAMES NASH
Psychologist Paola Cardenas answers your dilemmas