Reykjavík Grapevine - 03.06.2011, Blaðsíða 12

12
The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 7 — 2011
Immigration | Suppport
Are you a foreign parent in Iceland? Do you think this group is a good idea?
Because we do! Go find them on Facebook and join, won't you?
You Are Invited!
It's been noted many times that Ice-
land is a country that treats children
well. Many new arrivals have re-
marked on this point, often citing the
amount of social services devoted to
kids, as well as the existence of ba-
bies in carriages left outside cafés
while their moms sip lattés, content
in the knowledge that no one is go-
ing to snatch their child here. Ice-
land really is a children's paradise.
But how well can you utilise the servic-
es available when you don't speak the
language, the websites have little or no
information in English, and there aren't
any locals who can really help you out?
You do what most immigrants do around
the world—you turn to other immigrants.
A SUPPORT GROUP OF SORTS
This is exactly what Sinéad McCarron
had in mind when she created a group
called Iceland's International Parents
Group. “I think there's a need for it”,
she told me. “It really helps out in deal-
ing with the language barrier. A lot of
people seem to think that since every-
one speaks English here, it should be no
problem figuring out what you need to
do as a foreigner with a child in Iceland.
But there's a real lack of resources in
terms of information available in Eng-
lish. Of course, it's easier if you have an
Icelandic partner, but not everyone has
one. So this is a support group of sorts”.
Although she emphasises that Ice-
landic parents are welcome—especially
in being able to explain to the foreign
parents what their resources are—when
I stopped by to pay a visit to the group
there were no Icelanders present. Al-
though to be fair, at the time of writ-
ing the group is only two weeks old. In
that short span of time, the group has
already attracted over 140 members
and counting. For now, the group uses
a Facebook page (search for ‘Iceland
International Parents Group’) but Si-
néad says she hopes to get a website up
soon.
As with any group of immigrants,
you can find the dual desire to band
together and support each other, while
at the same time wanting to reach out
and connect with the locals. For exam-
ple, while these parents will share what
they've learned with each other, they've
also talked to the local library about
having a children's day, where they
could explain what books and songs
their children are being taught.
The moms—there were no dads
around on this day, either—hail from
England, Poland, Ireland, Germany and
the US. Some of them are new arrivals,
some have been here for years; some
of them have Icelandic partners, others
don't. But all of them had plenty to say
about their experience so far in Iceland.
Holly, originally from England:
“I've been in Iceland for four years now.
It was originally only supposed to be for
six months, but then I met my current
boyfriend. There's a lot of stuff I miss,
things I don't hear about from the pa-
pers. But someone will post something
on the group's Facebook wall, and that
way I don't miss out. I have loads of Ice-
landic friends—my boyfriend is Icelan-
dic—but the most important thing for me
has just been knowing there are other
people in the same position. I think Ice-
landers are very tight-knit. Of course it
makes a difference having an Icelandic
partner, but it's hard to socialise with
Icelanders. Until you get a drink in them,
that is”.
“I think speaking Icelandic has been
the biggest challenge for me. It's not
easy to do when you have a child. I hon-
estly can't pronounce half the words.
Not even my boyfriend can under-
stand what I'm saying sometimes.
The biggest advantage, though,
would have to be how child-friendly
this country is”.
Anja, originally from Poland:
“Everyone here speaks English, and yet I
have a hard time finding any information
for parents in English. I have two kids
here. At first I was stuck at home, which
made me depressed. Now I can speak
Icelandic—that's the main thing that
made a big difference in my life. I think
maybe interpreters make people lazy
about learning the language. They hang
out with other Polish people, where they
only speak Polish together, everything
they read is in Polish. The funny thing
about language is, even though I speak
Polish to my child, he answers me in Ice-
landic. He understands the Polish, you
know, but prefers to speak the language
here. Yeah, I'd agree that the main ad-
vantage here is how child-friendly it
is. You try finding changing tables in
a shop in London. Here, I find chang-
ing tables in cafés, little toy corners in
banks. It's nice”.
Angela, originally from Germany:
“I think Icelanders don't get in touch
with you if they don't have to. They're
open to a certain point, but you'll find
that the open ones are the ones who
spent some time living overseas. I've
been here 14 years, and I have almost no
Icelandic friends. I'm the one who has to
call them if I want to get together and
socialise. I think this is maybe because
they're shy. Sometimes they're rude, but
I think for the most part, when they meet
a foreigner, they're unsure about what
to do in this situation. I'm the one who
has to start things”.
“The biggest challenge for me is the
fact that I don't have my family here. My
mom came for two weeks once, but all
my family live abroad. Another thing is,
the Icelandic system sort of punishes
you financially if you want to stay home
with your child for more than a year.
Your benefits get reduced. It's good
for a child to have a mother stay home
longer. I was a little disappointed about
that. On the plus side, it is a very child-
friendly country. I just wish my child had
more opportunities to play with other
children”.
Karen, originally from the US:
“I've been here 19 months. My husband
is British, and works for CCP. I agree Ice-
landers can be very anti-social. When I
go to my child's school, the Icelanders
won't even look me in the face. I have to
sort of force myself upon them, and I do
greet them in Icelandic. I went out once
with a group of Icelanders. They knew I
spoke English, but no one said anything
to me. It's like they wanted nothing to do
with me. Having said that, the parents
that I've gotten to know through ac-
tivities outside of school, like soccer or
gymnastics, they're more open. So are
the ones who've lived abroad.
“The most challenging thing for me is
that there's really no stay-at-home-mom
culture. I wanted to be a stay-at-home
mom, but I had no choice but to put my
child in day care. The isolation and the
ignorance are also a problem. You can't
get information in English easily, and I
don't just mean the legal stuff; I mean
things like activities that are going on.
That's one of the things that's so good
about this group, hearing about things
like this. As far as language goes, I find
that while Icelanders speak English to
me, they will speak Icelandic to my child.
On the plus side, it is really safe here.
You don't have to worry about someone
snatching your child or something”.
Jessie, originally from the US:
“I moved to Iceland last January. What
I really like about it here is that Ice-
landers regard their children as assets
to the country. Strangers have actually
congratulated me on the street for hav-
ing a child. It's a nice feeling in contrast
with back home, where people might
look at a child as another mouth to feed.
Here, they really value children. I'm from
New York, and that's a very transient
place. People are always coming and
going, so it's more social, people open
up more. Here, I think people have their
set groups that they socialise with. You
have to sort of force yourself into those
groups if you want to socialise with Ice-
landers”.
Krystal, originally from the US:
“I've been here nine years, and I feel al-
most embarrassed speaking English to
my son”.
Melvina, originally from Poland:
“I think the experience a foreigner will
have in Iceland depends on what you're
used to. Coming from Poland, I think
the social services for children here are
great, but a friend of mine from Switzer-
land thought they were a joke. The most
difficult part is learning the language,
definitely. But I'm also shy, so maybe the
problem is mostly me. My husband is
Icelandic, and I think it's probably easier
for us who have Icelandic partners, but
I can understand every side of the situ-
ation. I think the connection we all have
here, with each other, is that we're here
because we want to be. If you decide
what you want to do, you can do it”.
Sinéad, originally from Ireland:
“I came to Iceland three years ago. My
husband is Icelandic, and his family
helped out a lot. It's sometimes a dif-
ferent story with the CCP wives, who
come here with their non-Icelandic
spouses. They get almost no help find-
ing resources, and the language barrier
is a huge problem. When I've brought
this up before, some Icelanders have
said to me, 'Well, learn Icelandic then'.
Icelanders do speak English to my child,
though. One great thing about this
country is that there are a lot of breast-
feeding rooms, but even when there
aren't, people don't make a big fuss if
you decide to feed your child in public.
But at the same time, our kids have in-
ternational friends. That's why we see
Icelandic parents are welcome to join
our group. I feel positive, overall. I'm not
just living my life for me anymore. I've
got a smile on my face”.
Sticking Together And Fitting In
Foreign mothers talk about the Icelandic experience
“I think speaking Icelandic has been the biggest
challenge for me. It's not easy to do when you have a
child. I honestly can't pronounce half the words. Not
even my boyfriend can understand what I'm saying
sometimes. The biggest advantage, though, would
have to be how child-friendly this country is”
PAUL FONTAINE