Reykjavík Grapevine - 18.05.2012, Blaðsíða 24

24
The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 6 — 2012
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from Reykjavík
Advice | Bad
disclaimer: This is The Grapevine’s
BAd AdVICE column. It’s where
Nanna árnadóttir answers ques-
tions from our readers about tra-
versing the Icelandic cultural jun-
gle. She is usually nice, but really
rather bad at giving advice…
Hi Nanna,
I got a bad cold and my nose is running
almost non-stop. Knowing that Ice-
landers consider it rude to use tissues
in public (why the hell? No Icelander
could answer that) and my brain is all
filled up by yellow snot, following the
Icelandic habit of sucking it all up there,
I dunno what to do with the rest? Run
out in middle of conversations to blow it,
simply let it float, or use my coat sleeve
as tissue supplement?
Grateful for advice,
Red-nosed Paindeer
Dear Red-Nosed Paindeer,
First, why is it rude to blow your nose
in public in Iceland? All things that are
in or on your body are disgusting once
they leave your person, not just snot.
Look at hair, for example. I like my hair, I
might even love it, but as soon as there
is a strand or twenty populating the
shower drain and I have to fish it out so
it doesn’t block the pipes, hair becomes
hands down the grossest thing in the
world. The same goes for snot, piss,
poop, sweat and blood. Even genital
secretions are fine as long as consent-
ing adults view them in private, but the
public doesn’t want to see that expelled
from you… pervert!
Here’s my advice, let the snot just drip,
flood your chin until you disgust ev-
eryone around you and get sent home.
Then get better sicko! And don’t go
outside again until fluids have stopped
gushing out of you.
I hope you don’t die of the flu,
Nanna
Hi Nanna,
I’m a student and I’m really struggling
with the kreppa, student loans aren’t
getting me far and I’m already living as
cheaply as I can. I started dumpster div-
ing for food recently, which is a lot easier
given how cold Iceland is, it really helps
keep the food from going off in the
trash. But even so I need more ways to
save money. Any tips?
Best Regards,
Pinching Pennies
Hi Pinching Pennies,
Listen you have no one to blame but
yourself for your poverty. You aren’t
homeless (that I know of), and you
are eating, so why are you complain-
ing? What you need to do is to look
towards some of Iceland’s greatest
economic role models for inspiration.
People like the Icelandic “útrásavík-
ingar” who worked tirelessly with le-
gally above-board business ventures.
They contributed something of value to
the world in order to bring our country
the glamorous spoils that are a byprod-
uct of sound investments. Monuments
like the phallic Smáralind and cars like
the Hummer. Frankly I’m perturbed that
you are getting any financial aid from
the government at all to further your
education. Are my taxes paying for
this? It’s not my responsibility to pay for
your luxurious student life style.
Why don’t you get a job, mooch!
Nanna
Hi Nanna,
I’m in Iceland for another day and a half.
What is the funniest non-touristy thing
to do in Reykjavík?
Thanks,
Done With Touristy Stuff
Dear Done With Touristy Stuff,
I guess, since I’m not a tourist I can just
tell you what I would do for fun on a day
off. First I would kill a whale with my
bare hands, then start the next Icelan-
dic indie band sensation in my parent’s
basement and make millions, and then
to finish off the day I’d give 12 really
well hung elves blowjobs.
Have fun!
Nanna.
Dear Nanna,
Who should I vote for in the upcoming
Presidential election?
Worried Voter
Dear Worried Voter,
I find that when you are in doubt you
should always vote for the person
whom you are most interested in hav-
ing sex with. I think we both know that
with that strategy sexy bad boy, S. Va-
lentínus Vagnsson, AKA the 72-year-
old who tried to blow up parliament
because he couldn’t find the prime
minister’s house, has got this baby in
the bag. I know that people are saying
that the intelligent, well-rounded and
feminist powerhouse Þóra Arnórsdóttir
is a shoe-in, but I say she’s too obvious.
Why try to bring a fresh perspective
and balance to the presidential post
when we could watch Valentínus’ ex-
plosive shenanigans.
He’s the Bomb! Vote Valentínus!
Nanna
Got a question for Nanna and need
some bad advice? Email nanna.ar-
nadottir@gmail.com and you might
get an answer published in a future
issue.
don’
t Ask

Nann
a!
Trivia question answer from page six:
The United States of America, of course! But, Germany was a close second.