Reykjavík Grapevine - 05.12.2014, Qupperneq 8

Iceland | For Dummies
Last month Norway may have
jumped the gun with its gift giving—
or rather, by asking the Coast Guard to
actually pay for those submachine guns.
Despite general public opposition to
the militarization of the Icelandic police
force, those guys still haven’t given up;
they really seem to lust for firepower and
are now campaigning to receive funding
to just up and buy a few dozen subma-
chine guns. According to Jón Bjartmarz,
Chief Superintendent at the High Com-
missioner of the Icelandic Police, such
tools are necessary in gaining the up-
per hand against terrorism. Specifically
citing the threat that the Islamic State
poses by way of internet propaganda,
the chief asserted that it would be “ab-
solutely irresponsible” not to prepare for
such a possibility.
Speaking of purported gifts from
Norway, Icelanders might be con-
flicted about the submachine guns, but
we definitely want their trees. At least a
tree. C’moooon, please??? Earlier this
year Norwegian authorities reported
that they did not have the budget to
send Iceland “The Oslo Tree,” a Christ-
mas tree traditionally raised in front of
Parliament every year for the holidays.
We kicked and screamed loud enough
to get the attention of the Oslo Business
Council, who then “reassessed the situ-
ation,” and sent the tree after all.
If the tree isn’t exciting enough,
here’s something to pop Dom
Perignon’s new Iceland-inspired P2
champagne about: on November 21 the
(now-former) Minister of the Interior,
Hanna Birna Kristjánsdóttir, resigned
from her position after receiving sig-
nificant pressure from the public in the
wake of that whole “leak affair.” A poll
conducted by Vísir revealed a 60/40 di-
vide in popular opinion, the majority call-
ing on her to step down. Her resignation
announcement came exactly one year
and one day after the leak of the now
infamous document.
BY PARKER YAMASAKI
8
The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 18 — 2014
NEWS
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In Mid-November Unnar Steinn Sigtryggsson, an Icelander who goes by the username "askur," made a comment on popular internet community Reddit. He recounted the major news
events of the last few weeks in Iceland.
However, unlike most bullet point lists
of Icelandic news stories, this one went
viral.
Has the news in Iceland been unusual-
ly full of kittens licking baby turtles?
More like political scandals, strikes,
vermin infestations, protests, police be-
having badly, and economic mismanage-
ment. To an audience used to hearing sto-
ries about how wonderfully Iceland had
dealt with the 2008 financial crisis, this
was indeed newsworthy.
Hold on a second... vermin infesta-
tions?
In recent months, Iceland's biggest
hospital has been infected with mould,
house mice and pharaoh ants. At the
same time the private company hired
to clean the hospital has been accused
of treating its workers badly and giving
them unfeasibly large areas to clean per
day. Oh, and doctors have been striking to
protest low pay and increased workloads.
I take it pharaoh ants don't wear Tu-
tankhamen headgear and sing "Walk
Like an Egyptian."
To save money, the government fired
seventeen cleaners working in various
ministries, mostly women in their fifties
and sixties. Shortly after the dismissal of
the cleaners, the government announced
that it would buy luxury vehicles to drive
ministers around.
That's a terrible waste of money.
I would get a zip-line or a jetpack,
they're much more fun.
Besides doctors, music teachers went
on strike for five weeks. In the 20th cen-
tury, much effort was made to set up a ro-
bust network of music schools, which has
lost funding in this century, just when it
has paid off with Icelandic musicians at-
taining wide renown.
That explains why the person next to
me is whistling The Bangles' song in
7/8ths beat.
The government announced a "Debt
Correction," giving half a billion Euros
of public money to Icelanders who had
mortgages on their houses or apartments
during the post-crash inflationary pe-
riod. However, the way the government
chose to implement their debt relief
meant that the wealthiest ten percent of
society received twenty-five percent of
the total given out.
I'm sure that's just some maths fudg-
ing by a political opponent.
One of those making this point was
Oddgeir Ágúst Ottesen, an economist
and deputy Member of Parliament for
the ruling Independence Party. As he put
it, the way this debt relief was structured,
"the government process in fact means
that those with low income pay restitu-
tion to those with high income." People
who rent or had student loans, I should
add, got no debt relief.
I hope the engines on the government
ministers' luxury vehicles are power-
ful enough so they don't have to slow
down when driving over poor people.
Speaking of... the Minister of the In-
terior's personal assistant, Gísli Freyr
Valdórsson, plead guilty in court to leak-
ing confidential information about an
asylum seeker and smearing him with
false allegations presented as police find-
ings. The minister resigned with all the
grace of an angry politician, prompting
the Prime Minister to conclude that the
lesson to be learned was that Icelandic
people are too mean to politicians.
Oh, the inhumanity! Will no one think
of the poor politicians?
Calling people names is not ex-
actly the most mature thing to do, but it
pales in comparison to falsely claiming
someone is being investigated for vari-
ous crimes. The police came out pretty
well, investigating this case thoroughly,
though the well-respected head of the
Reykjavík Police Department resigned,
possibly because of ministerial interfer-
ence. However, the minister herself was
not investigated, leaving her presumed
guilt or innocence in permanent doubt.
I thought you said police had behaved
badly.
The Police Chief’s replacement, the
former head of the Suðurnes Police Dis-
trict, is implicated in the leak scandal,
having sent Gísli Freyr Valdórsson infor-
mation about the asylum seeker outside
proper channels. However, the police
came out very badly when an internal
report made by the Reykjavík Police
Department about the post-crash pro-
tests was released following a request
for information. It was full of vaguely
sourced hearsay about people considered
anti-authority by police, as well as their
personal details and opinions. When the
police tried to remove names from the
document before release, it was done so
ineptly that they were easily revealed.
Okay, everything's fucked in Iceland.
I think I'll go find a video of a baby
turtle licking a kitten.
I am sorry to tell you but turtles are
unable to stick out their tongues. Now
now, no need to cry. At least the land-
scape is still pretty. Too bad that the most
recent government initiative means you
will have to pay ten Euros for the privi-
lege of enjoying it, even if you live in the
middle of it.
Okay, maybe you should cry.
So What's This I Keep Hear-
ing About Everything Being
Terrible in Iceland?
Words by Kári Tulinius @Kattullus
Illustration by Steingrímur Gauti Ingólfsson
?so
wh
at’s this...