Reykjavík Grapevine - 03.06.2016, Qupperneq 67

The Saga of this issue is Göngu-
Hrolfs Saga, literally “Walking
Hrolfur’s Saga” but typically
translated as the Saga of Hrolfur
the Tramper. Boring old people
like to argue about whether it’s a
“legendary saga” or a “romance
saga,” but just like most forced
dichotomies, those categories are
bullshit so let’s just enjoy some
goddamn damsels in distress.
Anna
Kareningigerður
As a rule of convention, most Sa-
gas don’t have narrators. This one
is special in that it does and this
narrator opens the story by tally-
ing up how many fucks they give
about whether you like their Saga
or not. I did the math
for you and it turns
out to be zero fucks.
This explains why
the story begins with
a Russian princess
named Ingigerður.
This damsel finds
herself knee-deep
in a fresh, steaming
pile of distress when
King Eirekur of the
violent, evil, troll-
like sea people (more
specifically identi-
fied as the Swed-
ish) kills her father
and takes over the
kingdom. He does
his with help from
his pet sorcerer, Grímur Ægir or
“masked one of the sea.” This dude
can swim in earth as though it
were water, transform into ani-
mals, and even breathe fire and
acid all in a day’s work, basically
making him the Beyoncé of de-
monic wizardry.
Naturally, Eirekur falls in love
with Ingigerður but she cleverly
offers to marry him only if she
is unable to find someone who
can defeat his champion, Sorkvir,
within three years. Whoever in
the world could defeat such a pow-
erful warrior? The suspense must
be killing you.
Hrolfur the
Tramper/Stamper
Enter the hero. He is described
as “the handsomest” and so large
that a horse cannot carry him all
day, so he walks ev-
erywhere. Totally
my type! Even bet-
ter, the English
translation says he
likes to “practice at
the butts and joust
on horseback.” I have
no idea what this
means but it sounds
raunchy. Where do I
sign up?
Despite his ba-
beliness, most people
don’t like him be-
cause he’s mad lazy.
But then he does
a bunch of heroic
shit—just imagine
the movie montage
with some inspiring music—and
soon becomes BFFs with a dude
named Þorgnýr, the Earl of Jutland.
Hrolfur sets off to Russia to win
the hand of Ingigerður for Þor-
gnýr, although he turns down the
hand of Þorgnýr’s daughter in ex-
change. This may appear as an act
of pure gentlemanliness but I’m
still crossing my fingers for an act
of closeted homosexuality.
Just a Flesh Wound
The problem with Hrolfur, as
with most handsome men, is that
he’s dumber than a box of rocks.
Sexy, raunchy rocks. He lets some
snakey douche-nozzle named Vil-
hjálmur talk him into tagging
along with him as his “servant”
but he ends up doing all the heroic
deeds while Vilhjálmur takes all
the credit, even winning the hand
of King Eirekur’s sister Gyða, prin-
cess of the sea-troll-Swedes. De-
spite this, Hrolfur manages to de-
feat Sorkvir in an anticlimactic and
completely unsexy joust and steals
away with Ingigerður in the night.
Vilhjálmur tracks down Hrol-
fur and tricks him again (what a
chump), resulting in Vilhjálmur
cutting off Hrolfur’s legs and tak-
ing Ingigerður to Jutland. Thanks
to his trusty horse, Hrolfur’s able
to find and force a dwarf to magi-
cally graft his legs back on. Then
he promptly denounces Vilhjál-
mur before the Earl of Jutland,
who has him executed on several
counts of snakey douch-nozzlery.
It’s Raining Amen
Then he sets off to avenge In-

1. If you want to keep
your legs and your
girlfriend, choose
your friends wisely.
2. Be the Beyoncé of
whatever you do,
even if that means
being the Beyoncé
of demonic
wizardy.
Morals of
the story:
RECAP:
Episode 10
Saga of Hrolf
the Tramper
TV ON THE
ANCIENT
MANUSCRIPT
Words
GRAYSON DEL FARO
Artwork INGA MARIA
BRYNJARS DÓTTIR
The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 7 — 2016
68
HUMANS OF REYKJAVÍK
On what brings her to
Reykjavík
“I’ve been working on a farm
for one month up north, near
Akureyri. Now I have these
five weeks of travelling
around, and then my family
will come visit me before I go
back to the farm for another
month. So I have two weeks
left in Reykjavík.”
On biking in Iceland
“I rented a bike one week
ago, so I have been bicycling
in the south. But this week it
has been raining, so I decided
to go back to Reykjavík
because of the weather. But
when my parents arrive, we
will bike up north together.
I like the nature up here.
It kind of looks like it’s
photoshopped, even though
it’s not.”
On the differences
between Iceland and
Denmark
“Icelanders drive a lot
more. If they just go to the
supermarket, even though
it’s really close, they will go
in their cars. Also, they really
like their pools. All swimming
pools here are outside, but
in Denmark we keep them all
inside.”
Words & Photo ISAAK WÜRMANN
gigerður’s father by killing King
Eirekur and Grímur Ægir. The
three-day battle is described in hi-
larious detail, introducing dozens
of characters only to kill them off
in HBO-quality acts of violence,
mostly at the hands, talons, or
horns of whatever beast Grímur
Ægir has transformed into. After
King Eirekur is killed, Hrolfur
manages to capture Grímur Ægir
with the help of his new magic
dwarf buddy and when they kill
him, he melts away into dust like
a Buffy-slain vampire.
Of course Ingigerður’s been
in love with Hrolfur this whole
time but he was too stupid, oblivi-
ous, and probably queer to notice.
But he represses this and they get
married or whatever. I think the
sassy narrator was probably me
in a past life, because he ends the
Saga the same way I should end
all these Saga recaps: “I’d like to
thank those who’ve listened and
enjoyed the story, and since those
who don’t like it won’t ever be sat-
isfied, let them enjoy their own
misery. Amen.”
SHARE: gpv.is/saga9
Helene Caspersen
Höfðabakki 9 - 110 Reykjavík - www.mimir.is - Tel: 580 1800
Höfðabakki 9 Entrance to
Mímir-símenntun
Höfðabakki 9, 110 Reykjavík
Bus line no. 6 from city centre and
bus line no. 12 from Breiðholt
Öldugata 23, 101 Reykjavík
Vesturlandsvegur
Learn Icelandic this summer
Location: Öldugata 23, 101 Reykjavík
Registration:
www.mimir.is
or at the office at
Höfðabakki 9, 110 Reykjavík
Morning and evening classes in July and August
Level 1-3 and online course level 4