Reykjavík Grapevine - 01.07.2016, Page 16

The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 9 — 2016
16
MADE IN ICELAND www.jswatch.com
With his legendary concentration and 45 years of experience our Master
Watchmaker ensures that we take our waterproofing rather seriously.
Gilbert O. Gudjonsson, our Master Watchmaker and renowned craftsman,
inspects every single timepiece before it leaves our workshop.
“We are the
World...”
“Iceland likes to think of itself as a
global playa. Now that the tourist
season is now in full swing, we bar
workers, along with other tourist in-
dustry grunts, get to see and experi-
ence the world and its inhabitants up
close. Most shifts it’s like the bloody
rainbow nations up here – Europe,
the Americas, Asia, Africa most na-
tionalities often come in asking 'Do
you have any local beers?' (yes we
do), followed by 'Do you take euros/
dollars/yen?' (no we don’t).
“Now, while national stereotypes
are often crass and reductionist,
we’re starting to notice several na-
tional traits among you citizens of
the world, and some of these traits
are more unpalatable than others.
Of course there are some nations you
enjoy serving. Canadians are always
just super to serve and talk to. The
Japanese are just lovely, and young
Japanese people are always smiling
so much. Most Norwegians you deal
with are nice, yet seem to talk in a
stream-of-consciousness as if they
were a character from a Karl Ove
Knausgård novel. It’s like a bizarre
form of anti-comedy. It cracks us up
most of the time.
“Many locals often come to us go-
ing 'Oh, you must hate having to serve
beer to stupid, loud Americans.' On
the contrary. Thing is the USA is one
of the biggest countries in the world
with a population of over 300 million
people. There are dozens of 'Ameri-
cas' and we get them all. And nearly
all of them are polite, tip well, and
are almost pathologically friendly.
Of course their politeness can be a
bit unnerving to us foul Europeans;
it’s really weird having a gnarly guy
in his eighties calling you 'Sir.' But as
a friend pointed out, the US is a coun-
try with a lot of guns and a lot of itchy
trigger fingers, so an embedded sense
of politeness might be necessary.
“However there are just some na-
tionalities that when they walk into
the bar just make your hearts sink.
It’s different for some people – for
one bar comrade, it’s the Scandina-
vians because they insist on order-
ing in their own languages, are often
loud and obnoxious, and spit fuck-
ing mouth tobacco all over the floor.
For another, it’s Spanish tourists
because when they get drunk, they
start acting like they’re in a soap op-
era. Meanwhile, many male tourists
from Greenland and Russia get really
drunk reeeeeeeally quickly, and often
try to do some 'crazy' stunts that in-
volves jumping off your tables.
“But the worst experiences with
nationalities, the ones that make
your teeth itch? Well that honour
goes to two distinct nationalities.
The first are those subset of British
tourists who, upon finding out that
you’re British, immediately start de-
manding things like control of the
PA jukebox or free drinks 'Cos it’s her
Birthday!!' It then subsequently kicks
off when their cries of 'Why the fuck
not??? Aren’t you Scottish?? We have
a bond here!' is met with a simple but
stern, 'No, there is no bond. You do
not get free drinks because of where
I was born.'
“But by far and away the worst na-
tion to deal with are the French. Older
French tourists are rude and miser-
able, while barking orders at you in
French. Once you point out to them
that you do not speak French, they
are forced to speak in English which
is something they hate. Younger
French tourists meanwhile seem to
flock in groups like bewildered fla-
mingos, unsure of where they are or
what they’re doing. Meanwhile, lo-
cals and other tourists who’ve actu-
ally stepped into a bar once in their
lives stand waiting to be served with
faces of thunder at the chaos before
them. In terms of world geopolitics, it’s
funny that the Brits and French can’t
get over the fact that they really don’t
matter that much anymore, but at least
the British in general have the grace to
be a bit embarrassed by it all...”
101 Rvk’s bar
workers get to see
world geopolitics
from their pumps…
As told to
BOB CLUNESS
Photo
ART BICNICK
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