Reykjavík Grapevine - 21.04.2017, Síða 4

4The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 06 — 2017
The Top Stories
April 21 - May 4
Words: Paul Fontaine
NEWS IN BRIEF We’ve had a spate
of stories lately involving tour-
ists, and the wacky shenanigans
they get up to. Amongst the most
popular of these stories was that
of a French man who was trapped
in his car for five days, on ac-
count of having tried to drive over
a mountain pass and subsequently
getting stuck in the snow. Impor-
tantly, he emphasised that all the
weather information was avail-
able to him; he simply didn’t read
it. Further east, hundreds of tour-
ists got trapped in Seyðisfjörður
due to inclement weather. In fair-
ness, there are worse places in
which to get trapped than Seyðis-
fjörður, arguably the most beauti-
ful village in the country.
One of these men is the
President of Iceland
President Guðni Th. Jóhannes-
son literally cannot stop being en-
dearing. When Rakel Ósk was run-
ning late to pick up her son and
his friend from Laugardalslaug
swimming pool, the two boys
asked the President, who happened
to be visiting, for a ride home.
The President happily obliged, and
even allowed a selfie beforehand.
All clearly a ploy to make himself
more charming than any Icelandic
president previous. We suspect he
will soon “just happen” to discover
a kitten trapped in a tree that he
then rescues, while someone “just
happens” to take a photo. We’re on
to you, Guðni!
Iceland's most beloved
Christmas tradition
You know how the IKEA Christ-
mas goat is always getting set on
fire or being torn down by winds?
Well, three suspects who were
charged with having set it on fire
last year have pled not guilty to
the crime, despite being caught in
the act on CCTV and subsequently
apprehended by the police. Will
this legal battle go all the way to
the Supreme Court? Does the
Christmas Goat have a right to
self-determination? We may never
know, dear readers.
Artist's rendering of a rat, after a year
of acclimatising to Reykjavík culture
You may think of Iceland as a pure
country devoid of the problems in
the rest of the developed world, but
you, my friend, are wrong. Take
note: rat infestations are on the
rise in Reykjavík. It’s not unusual
for any harbour town to have rats,
but these pests—which chillingly
live in the sewer system and have
been seen entering homes via toi-
lets—are not only breeding like,
well, rats; Icelanders are typically
not insured against damage done
by rats and rat mites. Our advice:
leave the lid on the toilet down
when not in use, and if you see a
tail poking out of the underwater
toilet cave, flush that little bugger.
Empty the tank. You’re welcome.
Stubbur is not here to make friends,
Stubbur is here to win
In less gross news, the online
sensation Keeping Up With The
Kattarshians, a livestream of a
bunch of kittens living in a little
cat-sized house, recently got some
new additions: Vanilla, and her
five little kittens. Check out their
stream sometime by searching
“Keeping Up With The Kattarshi-
ans” on Facebook if you ever need
to relieve some workday stress.
Katla the DJ, not to be confused with
Katla the Volcano
After being virtually silent all
year, Katla the volcano (not
the DJ) reportedly emitted two
strong tremors over 3 on the
Richter scale. This has geologists
worried, but don't panic: right
now there's a 45% chance that the
eruption, when it happens, will
be small, and only a 5% chance it
will be a devastating, apocalyp-
tic blast of Michael Bay propor-
tions. Whew!
SMJÖRFLUGA
Using orphan kittens on the reality
show really upped the stakes
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