Reykjavík Grapevine - 21.04.2017, Side 40

This story starts with a dude called
Þorsteinn Housebig. He is so huge that
he can barely fit through any door in
Norway. Doorway, shnorway—he just
shoves himself through anyway. His
adventure begins when he manages to
fit himself through a particularly un-
usual door: the one to the underworld
itself.
Tablecloth trick
Apparently Finland is the gateway to
hell, because that's where he is sitting
around like a lazy fuck when he sees
a suspiciously bald boy. The boy asks
his mother, who is hiding in nearby
mound, for a stick to ride. (Not like
that, you sicko. He's a child! And pos-
sibly has cancer!). For some reason,
Þorsteinn follows suit and the two
both pretend to ride their sticks like
witches on brooms. They “ride” into a
river, which turns to smoke, and then
they arrive in the underworld.
They find themselves in some un-
derworld palace at a feast and are ap-
parently invisible to the guests, which
includes an elf-earl of India. What-
ever that means. The bald boy walks
around, sneakily stealing food and
bagging it up. Þorsteinn, on the other
hand, decides he wants to steal the
whole goddamn tablecloth, so he rips it
off the table and makes a run for it. The
diners chase the presumably floating
tablecloth to the river, where the boy
joins Þorsteinn with the magic stick
and helps him to escape so that he may
give the fancy tablecloth to the king of
Norway. I’m sorry to report that this
has fuckall to do with the rest of the
story.
One bird, two stones
One day Þorsteinn sees a dwarf
screaming his face off. When he asks
what’s wrong, the dwarf says that a
giant eagle has stolen his baby, din-
go-style. So Þorsteinn politely shoots
the eagle to death, saving the dwarf-
boy and getting the dwarf to shut his
scream-hole. In gratitude, the dwarf
rewards him with a stone that can
turn him invisible, and a
stone that can summon hail-
storms, sunshine, and fire.
These will obviously come
in handy because he quick-
ly finds himself blown off
course into Giantland, which
is probably just Estonia or
something.
He bumps into three
dudes who are so fucking
enormous that they laugh
in his tiny babyface when
he tells them he's called Þor-
steinn Housebig. “More like
Þorsteinn Housebaby!” the
guy says, giving him a gold
ring as a “naming gift” which
makes the new nickname of-
ficial. The main one says he is
Goðmundur, the prince of this
region, which is a dependency
of Giantland. His two bros are
called Fullstrong and All-
strong.
Goðmundur is on his way to be
crowned king of his region by Geir-
röður, the evil king of Giantland, and
Þorsteinn goes along too, remaining
invisible to the giants.
Giants will be giants
When they arrive, they do all the king-
ly oathy shit. Then the king pits Full-
strong and Allstrong against Jökull
and Frosti, the henchtrolls of the evil
sorcerer Earl Agði. He demands his
servants fetch his “goldball,” which is
actually a 200-pound seal head so hot
that that it shoots sparks and squirts
boiling liquid fat. Taking the blurry line
between CrossFit and gay fetish porn to
a whole new level, he makes them toss
this back and forth, strip down, and
wrestle. Þorsteinn uses his power of
invisibility to help his giant bros defeat
the troll bros in their weird supernatural
masculinity pissing contest.
The next challenge is a game in
which they must drink from a giant
drinking horn that has a prophetic
old man face on the other end—quite
possibly the last thing anyone should
want to put their face on. It’s also filled
with poison. Þorste-
inn hatches a stupidly
detailed plan about
this creepy-as-fuck
drinking game that
accomplishes noth-
ing because in the end
he just waltzes into
the hall, visible and
comically tiny, saying,
“Look what I can do!”
He amazes the crowd
by making it snow,
and then melting the
snow with sunshine.
For Þorsteinn House-
baby’s final trick, he
runs around shooting
sparks into the eyes
of all the giants and
stabbing King Geir-
röður to death. Good
plan, dumbfuck.
I guess it works be-
cause then they all ride into the sunset,
Þorsteinn stopping briefly to convince
Earl Agði’s daughter to elope with him
to Norway. They get married there and
return later to find that Goðmundur
has become King of Giantland, giving
them Agði’s old region to rule over.
Agði returns several times as a zombie
and hassles them until Þorsteinn goes
to Agði’s burial mound and puts cross-
es all over it, which somehow puts him
at peace.
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Things 40The Reykjavík GrapevineIssue 06 — 2017
Elín Hansdóttir
Artist
Elín Hansdóttir is a prolific Icelandic
sculptor who recently concluded a solo
show at the i8 gallery. Here, she talks us
through some artists, books and films that
had a formative influence on her work.
Photograph: “Leap into the Void” (Yves
Klein, 1960)
This photograph has stuck with me
since my studies. I have the feel-
ing that it’s always at the back of my
mind, almost as if it’s a reminder of
some sort. Klein takes this coura-
geous leap into the unknown and to
me he seems to have no doubt that it’s
the only way towards true freedom.
I’m really fascinated with the ability
to create (an impression of) freedom
through a highly contrived process.
Book: ‘Ways of Seeing’ (John Berger,
1972)
This book is based on the BBC television
series of the same name (which I highly
recommend watching). It ś a collection
of seven numbered essays, four using
words and images, and three using only
images. It criticizes traditional West-
ern cultural aesthetics by raising ques-
tions about hidden ideologies in visual
images. It opened my eyes to how wom-
en are portrayed in advertisements and
oil paintings through the centuries.
Film: ‘La Jetée’ (Chris Marker, 1962)
This film is a tale of time travel that is
constructed almost entirely with still
photographs. It was incredibly inspir-
ing for me to learn how the fusion of
language and image can manipulate
our interpretation and understanding.
Performance: The Dorine Chaikin Trilogy
(Signa artistic collective 2007-2008)
Around ten years ago I was walking
home early in the evening in Berlin.
All of a sudden I was stopped by what
looked like a nurse from the 1950s, who
asked me for advice on something on
her evening smoke break. She lured me
into her office and before I knew it I
had changed into a patient’s robe and
spent the next six hours in a situation
which was unlike anything I’d experi-
enced before. I became a patient in a
mental institute, and spent my time
engaging with the hospital staff as well
as other patients. What blew my mind
was how the boundary between audi-
ence and performer were completely
blurred, not on a conceptual level, but a
real-life level. I noticed a change in my
own behaviour, I made stories up about
myself, pretended to want things and
tried to provoke the other performers.
And after a while, I wasn’t sure which
of the conversations that I was hav-
ing with the others were real or fake.
Film: ‘THX 1138’ (George Lucas, 1971)
This science fiction film depicts a
dystopian future, controlled by an
omnipresent mind-control machine,
where drugs that suppress emotion
are mandatory. What I liked most
about the film is the prison, which is
presented as a boundless white void.
Installation: ‘Kristus och Judas: A
Structural Conceit’
(Mike Nelson, 2008-2010)
In 2010 I saw this installation by Mike
Nelson at the National Gallery in Co-
penhagen. Mike Nelson’s works are fas-
cinating to me because he fools your
expectations. All the while you’ve been
looking for the “art,” walking along a
very long curved corridor which looks
similar to any other museum corridor,
and you realise that you’re already in-
side the work. The curved corridor is
custom-built and leads you through
doors and uncanny rooms. He plays
with your memory by duplicating
the room you just walked through,
but mirrors it so it kind of looks
the same but doesn’t feel the same.
.
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MAKING OF
AN ARTIST
Words:
Elín Hansdóttir
Photo:
Varvara Lozenko
SAGA RECAP
Words:
Grayson Del Faro
Illustration:
Inga María Bryn-
jarsdóttir
Morals of the
story:
1. The best
zombie
repellent is
ironically
the cross, the
symbol of the
world’s most
powerful
zombie: Jesus.
2. CrossFit is
gay.
The Tale Of Þorsteinn
Housebaby