Reykjavík Grapevine - 01.06.2018, Qupperneq 20

20 The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 09 — 2018
As the wedding season approaches,
brides and grooms around the world
are getting ready to share their vows in
front of families and friends. However,
you won’t see a lot of wedding dresses
in Iceland, because Icelanders are just
not that crazy about
marriage.
A c c o r d i n g t o
Statistics Iceland,
almost 70 percent
of children were
born out of wedlock
in 2016, with only
30 percent born to
married couples. Out
of those 70 percent,
many newborns
were welcomed by
parents who were in
consensual union–
registered as living
together.
Why do more
and more Iceland-
ers prefer consen-
sual unions instead
of marriage nowa-
days? To answer this
question, we asked an Icelandic couple,
Þorbjörg Snorradóttir and Haraldur
Sigurðsson (Halli), about their views on
partnership and marriage.
Modern family
Þorbjörg and Haraldur have been living
together for eight years and they are
parents to three lovely children. “We
met through Lindy Hop, a 1920s era
partner dance that we were both into,”
Halli laughs. They are registered as living
together, and they also own an apart-
ment.
T h e c o u p l e
became engaged
last year, and
they had plans
to get married.
“We had the date
and a space to do
it in, but there
was the practical
thing–the money
and all that. I was
back in school
and it was just too
much trouble so
we cancelled it,”
Þorbjörg explains.
“The relationship
hasn't changed
and we're still
g o n n a g e t
married someday
when we have the
money and time.”
For Þorbjörg and Halli, getting
married is a more practical matter rather
than romantic. “The only reason I want
to get married is because of the law,”
Þorbjörg says. “Even though we're regis-
tered as living together, I have no claims
to any of his things if he dies.” Owning
an apartment together makes inheri-
tance complicated when they are in a
consensual union. While in a marriage,
both partners’ inheritance rights are
protected by law.
Beyond legal protection, marriage
does not hold more meaning to the
couple. “For me getting married is basi-
cally just a good opportunity to celebrate
the relationship for one day, and throw
a party,” Halli says. “I
don't think our rela-
tionship is going to
change in any way.”
Þorbjörg and
Halli are commit-
ted to each other,
whether they are
married or not.
“We've done the
commitment part
b y h av i n g k i d s
together. That kind
of says 'you'll be
in my life forever,'
Þorbjörg says.
Throughout their
relationship, Þorb-
jörg has had higher salary than Halli
most of the time. “I'm not dependent
on him for anything, except for him, I
want to be with him. But I don't need his
insurance or money,” she says. “There's
nothing that marriage would give me
that he has.”
Historical roots
The way Icelanders form families in fact
has historical influences. Guðný Björk
Eydal, professor at University of Iceland,
has done research in family policy in
Iceland. “During the 19th Century, what
happened in Iceland was that we were
extremely poor, and one part of the
legislation was you were not allowed to
get married unless you had land,” she
explains.
People in debt did not have access
to land, thus they were prohibited to
marry by law. “It was a system intended
to keep fertility under control and aimed
at supplying farmers with a steady flow
of relatively cheap labour,” according to
Guðný’s research.
During this time, Icelanders started
forming families without getting
married, even though it was not their
preference. “Both consensual unions and
births out of wedlock were established as
social patterns,” Guðný further explains.
The law was abolished later on but the
social patterns carried on.
The Icelandic model
Overtime, Iceland has developed its own
model for starting a family. Accord-
ing to Guðný’s research, the “Icelandic
Model” has the following steps: meeting,
pregnancy, cohabitation, birth of first
child and wedding, except that a lot of
couples decide to skip the last step. “We
don't consider marriage as something
that has to be done before the birth of
a child,” Guðný says. Meanwhile, the
traditional model in other countries is
to get married before the conception of
the first child.
In Iceland there is less stigma to
women who give birth to children outside
of wedlock. Women have more freedom
and social support to raise their children
in whichever form of family they prefer.
“We have never really regarded birth of
children out of wedlock as a social prob-
lem,” Guðný comments.
Legal differences
Registering as living together gives
couples some legal rights in Iceland.
“You can file joint tax reports, you can
use each other's tax allowances. If you're
registered as cohabitation and a child is
born, then you're automatically given
joint custody,” Guðný explains.
However, there are still major legal
differences between a consensual union
and a marriage. “Being registered won't
give you the same rights as the family
law would give you in a marriage. This
legal protection in case of divorce, death
of either spouse does not apply,” Guðný
says. “If you've been cohabiting for 30
years, and your partner dies, then you
won't inherit a single dime. It will go to
your joint children if you have any, other-
wise it will go to the partner's relatives.”
There is also
more protection
in a marriage if
the couple decide
to split up. “You
have legal protec-
tion and rules on
how to divide your
estates. If you are
in cohabitation and
you want to protect
your legal rights,
you really have to
go through quite a
lot of documenta-
tion and contracts,”
Guðný comments.
“And in case of prob-
lems like abusive relationships, this can
be really hard to go through.”
Patriarchal institution
Historically, heterosexual marriage has
always been a rather patriarchal insti-
tution. “All the traditions in wedding
ceremonies and women's roles within
the marriage are very patriarchal,” says
Dr. Gyða Pétursdóttir, Senior Lecturer at
University of Iceland. “The white dress
has all sorts of symbolic meanings about
women's purity. The woman is given to
her husband by the father, so it's like
another piece of property.”
The wedding industry is also lucra-
tive. “From a feminist perspective, you
could see that this patriarchy and capi-
talism have merged,” Gyða comments. As
one of the most progressive and liberal
countries, Iceland is known for more
equality between women and men. And
now, Icelanders are shaping new tradi-
tions by not getting married at all.
Wedded Bliss,
Hit Or Miss
Consensual union is popular in Iceland
Ah, wedded bliss
“The only reason I
want to get married
is because of the
law. Even though
we're registered
as living together,
I have no claims to
any of his things if
he dies.”

Words:
Jessica Peng
Photo:
Timothee
Lambrecq
Guðný B Eydal, prof. at University of Iceland