Reykjavík Grapevine - 16.07.2018, Page 56

L IF E , T R AV EL & EN T ER TA INMEN T IN ICEL A ND
Issue 16 × 2018
Sep 7th – Sep 20th
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LAST WORDS
Smoking Is
Awesome And I
Hate Myself
Words: Hannah Jane Cohen
Photo: Art Bicnick
Hello, my name is Hannah Jane and I am
an addict. My addiction is nicotine. I am so
addicted to nicotine it makes me ashamed.
If my parents are reading this though, I am
lying and this column is a fictional piece of
performance art.
Anyway, my journey to nicotine started
as every smoker’s does: I wanted to be cool.
This is the hidden secret of smokers. We all
thought smoking was cool so we tried it and
it was god-awful at first but we persisted
until it was awesome. See, at first, you think
smoking is badass, but once you’re addicted,
it’s just shameful, smelly and expensive.
When I began, I was 12 years old and ob-
sessed with Type O Negative. There were
some older goths in my area that I wanted to
impress so I told them I smoked. Together,
we walked to many gas stations around our
small town to find some place that would sell
Newports—I know, Newports—to obviously
underaged girls.
From there, I moved to Marlboro Smooths
and Marlboro Lights with the occasional
pack of Djarum Blacks. This is only because
of the Type O Negative song ‘Black No. 1’,
where Peter Steele says the girl in the song
smokes clove cigarettes. For me, goth was
not a hobby, it was a lifestyle.
Now, twelve years later, I have tried ev-
ery type of nicotine in an effort to give up
this disgusting habit. The patch, gum, vap-
ing, you name it. After moving to Iceland, I
started doing snuff. I’d convinced myself it
was not harmful because the rate of mouth
cancer in those that use it isn’t much higher
than those who don’t. I am now more ad-
dicted to it than I ever was to smoking. I hate
myself.
Studies have shown that if you ask recov-
ering addicts “if your substance of choice
wasn’t harmful, would you start again?” that
most will say no. Smokers are the only group
that immediately yell “YES!”
I would give up alcohol, friends, relation-
ships and potentially everything just to be
able to smoke and have it not fuck up my
lungs and heart. Please God, hear my prayers.
Help me.