Reykjavík Grapevine - 05.10.2018, Blaðsíða 54

54 The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 18— 2018
....OPEN FROM 06:00
If you thought everyone universally
agrees that bunnies are cute, Iceland
is here to prove you wrong. Regard-
less of their adorable characteristics,
wild bunnies across Iceland are con-
sidered pests, charged with causing
considerable damage to the coun-
try. While the government supports
this verdict, one man in Reykjavík
steadfastly fights for the protection
of bunnies.

Alien foreigners

Ever since an unknown Icelander
released pet rabbits into the wild in
2010, bunnies have increasingly tak-
ing over the once desolate landscapes
of Iceland. Over the years, these bun-
nies have been eating our crops, dis-
rupting our traffic, and resulting in
the broken bones of an unfortunate
bicyclist.
Periodically, the Ministry for the
Environment deals with the growing
population of gnawing, hole-digging
terrorists by allowing citizens to re-
duce it through their own means.
Farmers and gardeners around the
country welcome these calls for in-
tervention, immediately bringing out
their rifles. To them, these bunnies
are an alien, invasive species—for-
eigners to the Icelandic landscape.

Leave the rabbits alone

Fighting to protect bunnies is a mys-
terious man who lives in Elliðadalur,
where a plethora of rabbits reside. A
self-proclaimed protector of the bun-
nies, he watches over people to make
sure they are not hurting the bun-
nies. If you get too close to them, he
will yell at you to make you go away.
“Leave the rabbits alone,” is an appro-
priate slogan for this laudable man.
Are there more protectors of the
rabbits out there? If so, how can they
win the war against the bad reputa-
tion of these creatures? Those who
still believe in the cuteness of bun-
nies must work together to figure all
this out. And they must do so fast.
Who knows, next thing we know, the
bunnies are taking our wives and
stealing our jobs. At that point, it’s
game over for the bunnies.
CITY SHOT by Art Bicnick
WAR OF THE NERDS
Bunnies Are
Foreigners
They are also not of this earth
Words:
Christine
Engel
Snitkjær
Photos:
Art Bicnick
WELL, YOU ASKED
Hornets
And Incels
Words: Valur Grettisson
How do I kill a hornet?
RJ Vance
RJ! What are you, a soulless monster?
You go into the kitchen, find the beer
glass that you stole from Prikið some
years ago—remember, when you were
fighting that depression that you tried
to kill with alcohol—and capture the
hornet into it and set it free. Sorry, I’m
just joking! Of course you go find the
thickest book that you can find in the
book shelf (preferably the Bible, that’s
always good for killing) and crush
that insect like the world crushed your
dreams. Nobody likes hornets. Or your
artistic dreams. Kill ‘em all!
Why do people treat sensitivity
like a weakness?
Barney Ronay
Barney, this is such a sad question.
It’s somewhere between whining and
pathetic. Something like someone
would say minutes after they sets a
hornet free instead of just killing it.
This questions sounds like something
that an incel would ask his two followers
on Twitter just before he goes out and
shoot all those Chads and Staceys. Just
kill the hornets and stop whining.
Should balding men just give up
and kill themselves?
Páll Pálsson
Well, Páll, think of it like this; the
entire Blue Man Group is bald. So how
bad could it be? And top hats are also
coming back. So paint yourself blue,
wear a top hat 24/7, and think about
all those poor sensitive incels. And
hornets. They’re out there.

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