Reykjavík Grapevine - Jan 2019, Page 10

The Christmas period is a crazy time
in football. With matches coming thick
and fast—particularly in the English
Premier League, where every team
plays four matches between Decem-
ber 21st and January 3rd—this period
can be decisive in how the league will
take shape. At such urgent moments,
the strength of Iceland’s indefatigable
warriors has a momentous impact on
the fate of their footballing clubs and
paymasters; empires can rise and fall
with a horn’d header or the kick of a
spiked boot. From Moscow to Cardiff,
here’s what went down during Smitemas
2K18.
Arnór and Hörður inspire
Madrid smiting
Real Madrid 0-3 CSKA Moscow, said the
vidiprinter. We rubbed our eyes. Real
Madrid 0-3 CSKA Moscow, it read again.
Of course, it was a duo of courageous
Icelandic snow leopards who powered
Moscow to this historic against-the-
odds smiting at Estadio Santiago Bern-
abéu. Arnór Sigurðsson provided the
firepower up front,
scoring his side’s
third goal; Hörður
Björgvin Magnússon
shut out the Galacti-
cos at the other end,
leaving CSKA with
an aggregate victory
of 4-0 over the Euro-
p e a n C h a m pi on s .
On the home front,
Iceland is also rock-
ing the Russian top
divis ion—Moscow
sit third in the Russian Premier League
table, waiting for the opportune
moment to pounce on leaders Zenit
St. Petersburg—as they run screaming
from the Viking-strengthened Moscow
horde.
Grétar Steinsson named
Toffees’ Senior Cub Pillager
Former Iceland and Bolton Wanderers
smiter Grétar Steinsson left his role
as Fleetwood Sporting Director this
December to become Everton’s Senior
Club Pillager (Chief European Scout).
Rumour has it that Grétar became so
incensed with Joey Barton, the Fisher-
men’s manager, that he took it upon
himself to leave the Lancashire club for
fear of tearing cigar-assaulting bad boy
Barton limb from limb. The move means
Grétar now links up with Iceland’s talis-
man, Gylfi “Golden Boots” Sigurðsson at
Goodison Park—and perhaps he’ll look
to recruit some further Viking rein-
forcements to the stuttering Everton
squad.
Aron heals Warnock’s soul
For decades, Neil Warnock has occupied
the liminal space between the Premier
League and the Championship. Despite
brief company from the likes of Dwight
Gayle, Graham Dorrans and the whole
noughties West Brom squad, his habitat
grew to embitter him, manifesting in
an irrational (and hilarious) hatred of
Carlos Tevez and West Ham. However,
this season, even when his side were
languishing in the relegation zone, he
has been serene, humorous and well-
mannered. Why, you ask? Because Aron
“The Annihilator” Gunnarsson was
always in the ranks. After “The Annihi-
lator’s” return from injury, the Bluebirds
have made the Cardiff City Stadium a
fortress; the difference could secure
their status in the top flight. The magic
is in the beard.
Gylfi smites
bird-brained pundits
Gylfi Sigurðsson has been lambasted in
certain corners of the #fakenewsmedia
since his £50 million move from Swan-
sea to Everton. As recently as Septem-
ber, phlegmatic Sky
Sports pundit Jamie
Carragher was claim-
ing that the “Viking
V i r t u o s o ” w a s n’ t
contributing enough
to his side. Gylfi has—
of course —proven
him wrong, notching
eight goals and assist-
ing a further three in
the league. That tally
puts him ahead of
media darlings like
Sadio Mané, Leroy Sané and Alexan-
dre Lacazette in the goalscoring charts.
“The Iceman” also ended his recent
penalty hex against Burnley, scoring the
Toffees’ third in a 5-1 route on Boxing
Day, after having missed spot kicks
against Fulham and Watford earlier in
the season. Instead of criticising the
best player outside of the top six, maybe
Carragher should stick to long-range
gobbing.
Burnley flounder
without The Berg
Burnley’s unlikely status as “best of
the rest” of the 2017-18 Premier League
season seems even more incredible at
this moment. Sean Dyche’s side have
struggled from the start, and they
occupy one of the three Premier League
relegation spots at the halfway point
this year. Why? One could point to the
summer signing of washed-up perpetual
conceder Joe Hart, whose ineptitude was
compounded by a suddenly frail back
line, and the injury of star man Jóhann
Berg Guðmundsson. Despite a banging
World Cup hangover, “The Berginator”
has contributed directly to six of the
Clarets’ 17 goals this season and will be
integral to his side’s fight for survival.
One thing is for sure: Burnley will need
every inch of Jóhann’s fleet-footed skill
to survive the relegation dogfight.
Follow our live-tweets on match-
days on Twitter at @rvkgrapevine.
Iceland's indomitable and unstop-
pable march to the Euro 2020 trophy
will continue throughout 2019, as
Aron, Gylfi, Jóhann Berg and the boys
smite their way through all the conti-
nents of the world, laying waste to
any team foolish enough to step into
their terrible path to glory.
#IcelandSmites
“Aron’s return
from injury, has
made the Cardiff
City Stadium a
fortress… the
magic is in the
beard.”
Smitey
Smitemas
And A Smitey
New Smite
At the halfway point of 2018-19 season,
we check in on our Vikings-at-large
FOOTBALL
Words:
John Rogers &
Greig Robertsson
Illustration:
Lóa Hlín
Hjálmtýsdóttir
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