Reykjavík Grapevine - Jan 2019, Page 54

54 The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 01— 2019
WAR OF THE NERDS
War Of The
Grammys: 15th
Time Lucky
Coldplay? Really?
Words: Hannah Jane Cohen & Valur Grettisson Photo: GAS
Only a few weeks ago, Iceland’s
unofficial queen, Björk, was
nominated for a Grammy award
in the Alternative Albums cat-
egory for her most recent effort,
‘Utopia.’ While you’d probably as-
sume that the icon had a shelf of
gold gramophones, the truth is
that she, like Jimi Hendrix, has
never taken home a trophy, de-
spite being nominated a total of
fifteen times.
Freak on a leash?
In fact, Björk holds the record
for most nominations—without
winning—for Best Music Video.
She’s been nominated four times,
losing against ‘Steam’ by Peter
Gabriel, ‘Scream’ by Janet Jack-
son & Michael Jackson, and ‘Ray
Of Light’ by Madonna. Stiff com-
petition, yes, but Peter Gabriel?
C’mon.
Her last defeat in this category
was in 2000, where she lost to the
controversial ‘Freak On A Leash’
by Korn. Yes, this is divisive, but
you know, Björk should have in-
cluded a rap metal solo in ‘All Is
Full Of Love’ if she really wanted
a statue. Know your audience.
People loved that crap.
Frowning Face Emoji
But who cares about music vid-
eos? It’s all about the Best Alter-
native Album, which Björk has
been nominated for a whopping
eight times—another record.
Here, it’s clear that Björk is quite
possibly the most unlucky artist
of all time.
In 1996, Björk was nominated
for ‘Post,’ arguably her most sem-
inal album. You’d be forgiven for
thinking she had this one in the
bag. But no. The winner was the
legendary ‘MTV Unplugged’ by
the iconic, era-defining alt-rock
band Nirvana. Fair enough.
Björk’s next nomination came
only two years later for ‘Homo-
genic,’ which, more or less, re-
wrote the rulebook on how to
make a textured, lyrical, elec-
tronica-pop masterpiece. Alas,
again, she was defeated, this
time by an LP you might have
heard of—’OK Computer,’ by Ra-
diohead. Shit.
So, third time lucky, right?
Björk’s next nomination came in
2002 with the beautifully crafted
‘Vespertine.’ While you’d think
she couldn’t possibly lose, she
did, to Coldplay’s ‘Parachutes.’
Yeah, Björk actually lost to basic
frat-bro indie.
Over the next years, she lost
to some band called Wilco, a
past-their-time White Stripes,
one-hit-wonder Gotye, and arena
blues act The Alabama Shakes.
This year, she’s up against the
Arctic Monkeys, Beck, David By-
rne, and St. Vincent. We’d say she
has this in the bag, but seriously,
the Grammy’s have picked Cold-
play over her so they’ll probably
award it posthumously to Oasis.
We’d expect nothing less.
CITY SHOT by Art Bicnick
WELL, YOU ASKED
Vegan
Condoms
Words: Sveinbjörn Pálsson
Where do you get Vegan condoms?
Preferably fruit or nut flavour?
Þór J, Reykjavík
H e i l s u h ú s i ð . G e t s o m e G l y d e
Supermaxes, put one on and just
slather it with marmalade.
What if cheese, but too much?
Bob C, Reykjavík
Let’s not and say we did. Or let’s not and
say we didn’t, make a big fuss about it.
How do you quit Facebook?
Kári G, Reykjavík
Get a fidget spinner. Befriend it. Show
it your pictures, imagine that it likes
them. Poke it and imagine that it pokes
you back. Slowly start resenting it for
its active social life, beautiful home
and family and incredible prowess at
exercising. Discard it and get a new one.
Ad infinitum.
Where is the snow?
Símon G, Reykjavík
In our hearts and in our souls. Also
in the alps. And in the the future.
Our future. Your future. It's gonna
freeze next week. And it's gonna snow.
Somewhere. Hopefully here.
Where is my life?
Frank M, Reykjavík
You need to attend some dance classes.
I suggest Kramhúsið. Don't be shy.

Send your unsolvable (UNTIL NOW)
problems to editor@grapevine.is or
tweet us at @rvkgrapevine.
What's a girl gotta do to win a Grammy round here
The young yellow vests are hitting the street
“Your first and last stop”