Reykjavík Grapevine - 26.04.2019, Blaðsíða 48

L IF E , T R AV EL & EN T ER TA INMEN T IN ICEL A ND
Issue 06 × 2019
April 26th—May 9th
www.grapevine.is
LAST WORDS
Going Postal
Words: John Rogers
Photo: Timothée Lambrecq
Here in Iceland, pretty much everyone hates the
postal service.
It might seem kind of weird for the entire citi-
zenry feel something between vague annoyance
and quivering rage towards such an institution.
I mean, sure, a parcel might go astray now and
then, but everyone’s just doing their best for
hassle-free deliveries, right?
The answer, sadly, is a resounding “no.” The
idea of Iceland having a smoothly function-
ing postal system seems like something from
Thomas More’s ‘Utopia’—because receiving
mail is more like a scene from Kafka’s ‘The
Trial.’
Let’s imagine a best case scenario wherein
your parcel doesn’t vanish immediately into
some neverending crack of doom upon arrival
in the country (it probably does).
Great! That was the first hurdle. The next
minor miracle would be finding a slip in your
mailbox saying that you have a piece of mail
waiting to be collected. This is not a given; these
slips are prone to vanishing like a spirit flit-
ting between worlds, meaning you have to pay
“rent” for collecting your parcel late, assuming
it doesn’t get unceremoniously returned to the
sender. Messed up, right? Well, we’re just get-
ting started.
Next, let’s go crazy and imagine the parcel
is at the Post Office when you go to collect it,
though it probably won’t be. It’s either out for an
inconveniently timed delivery you never booked,
or is being held in the intranational purgatory
of customs, languishing between worlds like
Chihiro at the train stop in ‘Spirited Away.’
Now, let’s imagine the old and new gods are
on your side and the parcel appears on the coun-
ter. But then, it happens—you’re presented with
an eye-popping bill of tolls and charges that
amounting to more than the contents are actu-
ally worth.
At this point you’ll try to reason with the
blank-eyed and blameless counter person. It
won’t work. They’re tired, and they've had this
conversation hundreds of times before. You'll
either have to pay and feel like you’ve been
mugged, or leave empty handed and feel even
worse.
We call upon you, Pósturinn, to change your
draconian ways. We don’t advocate violence, but
you’re making us start to identify with the Una-
bomber. And we just wanna get mail—like those
happy, smiling people receiving plentiful boxes
and letters in your propaganda ads—instead of
feeling like Tom Hanks in ‘Castaway.’ And if you
wanna reply? Please—just send an email.
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