Reykjavík Grapevine - 02.08.2019, Blaðsíða 52

EDDA RECAP
Grímnismál
The Sayings Of Grímnir
Words: Grayson Del Faro Illustration: Lóa Hlín Hjálmtýsdóttir
This poem tells a tale as old as
time: a married couple arguing.
It centers on the ever-so-sancti-
monious Óðinn and his actually-
pretty-chill wife, Frigg. The story
begins, as many do, with a dis-
agreement, which turns into an
argument, during which a bet is
made to see who will be awarded
the gold medal of any marital dis-
pute: the coveted I Told You So.
Nature or nurture
The introduction to the poem ex-
plains that there are two broth-
ers named Geirröður, who is 10,
and Agnar, who is 8. They get lost
at sea one day while fishing and
when they come ashore, they are
taken in by an old couple. (Who-
ever could they be?!) The old man
is responsible for Geirröður and
the woman for Agnar. When win-
ter ends, the couple sends the boys
back to their parents. At home,
the little prick Geirröður jumps
from the boat and shoves his little
brother back out to sea, never to
see him again.
One day, Óðinn and Frigg are
sitting around surveying the uni-
verse. Óðinn mentions that Geir-
röður, his foster-child, is now the
king of his kingdom. “And where
is your foster-son?” he says. “He’s
shacked up in a cave with a giant-
ess and their spawn, lol!” Frigg re-
torts that at least her kid is nice.
“Geirröður is such a raging shit-
head that he would torture his
own guests on a whim!” Óðinn
says, “Nuh-uh.”
Then they make a bet.
May the odds be
ever in your favor
Frigg sends someone to tell Geir-
röður to be leery of a wizard who
might come to bewitch him. Then
Óðinn shows up in blue robes,
saying, “Greetings, fellow non-
wizards! My name is definitely
Grímnir.”
So Geirröður tortures him,
tying him up between two burn-
ing bonfires for eight days. Geir-
röður’s 10-year-old son, named
Agnar after his estranged brother,
brings Óðinn something to drink.
Strangely, this is all just the intro-
duction to the poem and the poem
itself actually begins here.
“Why, thank you, young man!
You shall be king,” Óðinn begins.
Then he blurts out an unnecessar-
ily long stream of “secrets of the
universe,” as pretentious mans-
plainers tend to do. This consti-
tutes the bulk of the poem, until
Óðinn finally announces to Geir-
röður: “You’ll pay dearly for tor-
turing me. I raised you better than
that. Also, I’m totally Óðinn, by
the way. Surprise, dickwad!”
That’s how the poem ends. But
there is a little epilogue that ex-
plains that when Geirröður stands
up in surprise, he accidentally im-
pales himself on his own sword.
Agnar becomes king and everyone
lives happily ever after. Especially
Frigg, since She Told Him So.
Morals of the story:
1. Choose your battles wisely.
2. Torture is wrong.
3. Stay hydrated.
TV GODDESS
Spoiled Things
Stranger Things 3, reviewed by TV
Goddess/pro-level couch potato Lóa
Words: Lóa Hín Hlálmtýsdóttir
I hope you’ve watched ‘Stranger
Things 3’ because, if you haven’t,
this will ruin it a little bit for you.
But first, a small intro duction
to Icelandic culture: The winter
is long, blah blah blah, we watch
American TV a lot and here we are
on the third series of ‘Stranger
Things.’ For people born in the '70s
this is everything.
The brown and oranges of the
early eighties are slowly making
way for rainbows and glowing
neon lights. Latchkey kids on their
BMXs have to fend for themselves
and save the world.
I can relate so hard to this
Gremlins/Ghostbusters/Goonies/
Eerie, Indiana stew that it makes
my heart bleed slimy pink mystery
goo. There is nothing wrong with
this and I can watch it forever...
but I have a few grievances (very
minor, don’t worry).
It is obvious to me that this is
written mostly by boys with coo-
ties. Why else would all the men be
so incredibly unattractive? Hopper
is a grumpy dominating man and
has ventured to the outer limits
of the dad-bod aesthetic. Billy’s
cowardly lion hair ruins every-
thing else and when he turned evil
I always snapped out of the fear
because of his silly mullet perm
and babyface. Jonathan is a boring
worrywart. And then there’s Steve.
I love his character development
throughout the series. He evolves
from a beautiful jerk to a beautiful
semi-nice guy.
I just realised that objectifying
young men is pretty disgusting so
I’ll move along to the end. Suzie!
Yeah I’m looking at you Suzie. Your
song was only half-adorable and
if you hadn’t made Dustin sing it
with you Hopper might have lived.
I didn’t want him to date Joyce, but
I wanted him to be Eleven’s dad
forever.
I’m personally holding you ac-
countable, you little dweeb.
52The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 12 — 2018
In this series, we illuminate
the individual poems of the
Edda–that most famous, epic
masterpiece of Icelandic literary
tradition–with humour, vulgarity
and modern realness. If you're
still confused, Google 'Saga
Recap.'
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WWW.BRYGGJANBRUGGHUS.IS
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