Reykjavík Grapevine - 06.12.2019, Page 13

her heart on her sleeve and opens
up instantly about her difficulties,
whether they relate to trauma, pain,
or being bullied. She is, without being
cheesy, inspirational.
But don’t tell her that; she’ll get
embarrassed. The girl can’t take a
compliment.
“Wow, tough. It’s my personality, I
guess,” she says, shrugging, deflect-
ing the acclaim. “I don’t know, I guess
everything that you do is the real you.
You show yourself in your actions.”
She pauses, and then takes a deep
breath. “To be honest, I always wanted
to be just tough and not be affected by
things, but now I’m like, ‘yeah, I don’t
have to be just one thing.’ I feel batshit
crazy sometimes but now I’m ok with
that. I’m at peace with being both.”
Mental illness!
It’s that comfort in her ability to be
both a bad bitch and a soft, emotional
being that has made D!rfinna’s fans so
dedicated. At the ‘HYSTERÍA’ release
concert, the songstress alternated
between rapping nasty verses about
getting eaten out to pausing and yell-
ing at the crowd, “Let’s give it up for
mental illness!” The callout subse-
quently garnered pounding applause.
“It helps when people talk about
mental illness. Then it gets easier for
yourself and others to accept it,” she
says, referring to that moment. I then
tell her that the performance was no
doubt the highlight of my Iceland
Airwaves experience. She instantly
gets (as you’d expect) mortified. “Best?
Wow, that’s funny,” she says. “Ok, I’m
trying to take the compliment.” She
grins. “Alright, I’ll take the compli-
ment.”
Know my name
The title “Countess Malaise” was a play
on the comic book character Modesty
Blaise. Her longtime friend and collab-
orator Lord Pusswhip thought of it.
“He rhymed back Countess Malaise and
I said, what does Malaise mean? Then I
looked it up and I was like, yeah, that’s
me!” she smirks.
The name fit D!rfinna, body and
soul. “In the beginning, I didn’t have
an agenda, I just had a plan to say,
‘Hey, this is me. Know my name,’” she
explains, the tough side of her person-
ality coming out in full force. “I always
wanted to make music but I was scared
and some days I still am. Every artist
has doubts about themselves. You
wonder, is my stuff worth it? Do I have
the right to use my voice? Is this a waste
of time? Is this just another struggle
that I am putting on of myself? Because
art is a struggle.”
Mental space
And for D!rfinna, the release of
‘HYSTERÍA’ did come with a unique
and tragic struggle. The album came
out just days after the death of her
father. “My father had just died on the
28th and I dropped the album on the
31st. I was just like…” she trails off.
At this moment, I pause the
recorder and wait to see if she wants
to continue. It’s been just three weeks
since his passing when we talk, and to
push her to talk about such a tragedy for
a magazine article seems insensitive.
While her pause is loaded, she none-
theless has one more thing to say about
the event. “I wanted to promote the
album more, but it was hard to do when
I was planning a funeral,” she explains.
“It was hard to find the mental space
and time.”
We take a moment to talk about
trivial matters before refocusing and
returning to the interview.
Be interesting!
The positive response she received to
the album alleviated many of D!rfin-
na’s worries about whether or not she
did have a right to use her voice. “A lot
of people seem to like it and that was
really fun,” she says. “‘HYSTERÍA’ is a
story about a person trying to figure
shit out. It’s a sad and happy story.”
D!rfinna shrugs. “It’s funny, when
I’m on stage, people say I’m this confi-
dent badass bitch that knows what she’s
talking about, but inside I am think-
ing, ‘am I going to fall? Did I forget the
lyrics? Do something interesting! Don’t
be fucking boring! Do something, I
don’t know, inspirational!’” It’s an
unexpected burst of silliness from the
artist, who has, until now, been pretty
serious.
“But at some point, I see a face in
the crowd and I just see some sort of
love in their face, or an emotion that I
relate to, and it gives me strength.”
Finding
belonging
While D!rfinna has found her fanbase
in the city, in the context of the wider
Icelandic hip-hop community, she
still feels separate. “I feel like I’m the
Björk of hip-hop. I am not really affili-
ated with them,” she admits. “I have so
much love for my friends in the scene,
but I still feel like an outsider. If I were
vibing with anyone, it would be the
underground. There’s a lot of love there,
but—and this is going to sound super
narcissistic—I feel like something else.”
But then, if not the rappers, who
does she feel affiliated with? “It’s all
about belonging somewhere. But
where do I feel like I belong?” she asks
herself. “When I’m in a P.O.C. [people
of colour] queer space then I feel like
I belong. When I’m with other freaks
that are actually freaks. When I’m
with actual fashion icons. Then I’m at
home,” she says, smiling. “Those are my
people, and they aren’t just in the hip-
hop scene, they’re from graphic design,
DJ-ing, visual art, and more. I like the
complexity. The mix. It's goulash!”
A sense of belonging may have
eluded D!rfinna in her childhood, but
it seems she’s found it now.
“The Goth
Bitches”
After the exhibit at Kling & Bang,
D!rfinna will start working on a
music video for “Tired Of This Shit,”
which is, admittedly, my personal
favourite song of hers. I joke that
I’m just a fangirl, a Malaise-r.
“No, you’re a goth bitch!” she says,
laughing. “I was thinking about this
the other day. Mariah Carey’s fans are
lambs. Did you know this? Megan Thee
Stallion has the hotties. So I thought,
if my fans are something, I guess they
would be goth bitches. But I would
really love if a fan could tell me what
they would say instead.” She leans into
the microphone. “So, if my fans have a
name for themselves, let me know.”
D!rfinna’s got to get back to setting
up the exhibition, so I quickly ask her
for some last words on the album. “I
would say…” she trails off, before a big
smirk takes over her place. “Just listen
to the album. Put it on repeat. Don’t
even read this article, just stream it
on repeat because I want to get those
plays. I need to get that money. I need
validation.” She bursts out laughing.
“Ok. No, I don’t. Just kidding.”
13 The Reykjavík Grapevine
Issue 21— 2019 “J
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